How are you doing today? Apparently not so great, according to what I just read in Salon.
Wow, Allen Barra, one of my favourite baseball writers, has a very unfavorable impression of my country. Normally I thrill to Barra's intelligent, subtle analysis of baseball. But I had a rough time understanding what seems to be some kind of bitter subtext, especially in his article about the historic U.S. vs. Canada hockey game
From what I do understand, (and it's hard because I'm Canadian and we don't really do sarcasm) we're sort-a-nazis, with too many confusing national symbols, and a national sport that is too easy to play, but too difficult to watch. Although when we won that hockey game we did, at least "save face."
Holy Moose Crap! We must have done something to really rub Barra the wrong way. I haven't felt so bad since last week, when the NYTimes chewed out our women's hockey team for their innapropriate under age drinking.
So all I want to do today is repair the terrible damage that these Winter Olympics seem to have done to our international reputation and our relationship.
Yes, I admit we went overboard in our exuberance. Better hosts would have done a better job at hiding the fact that we didn't just save face with that hockey game. We broke the record for most gold medals in the history of the Winter Olympics.
We really thought the inflatable beavers, William Shatner, or at least Nickleback would distract from that fact. But now that I think of it, I'm sure no one would have noticed that winning the most golds puts us at the all-time top of the medal board at IOC webstite, Reuter's, and Wikipedia.
Because look at you! You guys won the most silver and bronze medals! And that, according to a logic that nobody else quite understands, puts you at the top of the New York Times medal board!
Wow highest overall medals count without even coming close to the highest number of golds! I'm sure you agree, Allen Barra, that's an amazing accomplishment. Kind of like having the all time career home run record, in the minor leagues.
But these are just numbers. And I really want to return to the good feelings we've always had.
So I've put together this small scrapbook of loving, Olympic moments that we shared together.
Time to forget about all the bad stuff, like the other Salon recaps that heaped scorn on our fine punk rock fiddlers and then tried to fire us. And your national sports media which underestimated your hockey team before the Olympics, then overestimated them until it was too late for you to figure out that you just didn't have a deep enough defense.
But no more Hockey, that's our game. I take your point, Allen Barra. We're just better at it. We always will be, so we won't bother you with it anymore. (And if you want to give up on curling, ski cross, skeleton and PGS slalom, we're fine with that too.)
I agree. I think NBC should just stick to broadcasting ice dancing (which is what they showed during the first U.S vs. Canada match up anyways).
Is there anything more representative of these Olympics than the obvious friendship between the U.S. couple, Davis & White, and the Canadian couple, Virtue & Moir who train together with the same coach?
U.S. (left) and Canadians (top) sharing the podium, pretty much.
Oh, Ice Dancing. It's so romantic!
But you know what's also romantic? Short Track. Check this out. Here's Canadian double silver medallist Marie St. Gelais cheering on her boyfriend Charles Hamelin while he wins the first of his two gold medals. Make sure you watch it until the end. You don't want to miss the quadruple medal foreplay.
Here they are sharing the love with the rest of the team. Aw...
What a drag that Apolo Ohno got DQd in that race for pushing the other Canadian skater in an effort to get you guys another silver or bronze.
You know, he just seemed really nervous, according to NBCs crotch cam.
Apollo Ohno (far right), Canadians (top)
Which reminds me. Congrats on the silver you got in team pursuit!
Do I really need a caption?
Well, I don't want to overload you guys with anymore pictures of yourselves on the podium. Obviously you have tons.
I wish we had more. But in the ones we have we're almost always on top. And if we display them. Well, that would be, like, so Nazi-ish.
So honestly, America. It's time to hug it out. You guys did GREAT! And I'm sure you'll do even better, someday.
In the meantime, see you in Russia!