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Juliet Waters

Juliet Waters
Location
Montreal, Canada
Birthday
August 01
Bio
Montreal writer, book critic, single mom, ex-Expos fan, now rooting for the Portland Seadogs. Currently working on a book about Developmental Coordination Disorder. Also learning to code. Visit me at my new blog: Familycoding.com

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NOVEMBER 9, 2010 7:09AM

In Treatment recap, Sunil and Frances week 3

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Sunil has been watching “Survivors” (sic). As he explains to Paul over tea, this is a show about “two groups of American citizens” who willingly endure hardship and humiliation while women walk and jump “around naked. Almost naked, practically naked, without being naked.”

I find this quite an amusing metaphor for the dance of almost honest, practically honest, hardly ever really honest emotion we watch every week on “In Treatment.” But that’s probably not why Paul is working so hard to keep a straight face. There’s something about the tone that Sunil uses to describe these women and later, his daughter-in-law Julia’s “desperate” exercise work out, that sounds like the horror/ excitement of a three year old out on his first Halloween.

As Sunil starts to theorize, however, that Julia may be having an affair his tone starts to turn a little ominous.  Last Thursday she should have been staying home to help Arjun celebrate Sunil and Kamala’s wedding anniversary. But she left instead in her short skirt and perfume for one of those  uninhibited celebration of  vice run amok, the New York City  book launch.  Obviously Julia is about to bring great shame on her family and will no doubt have to be  “punished” for neglecting her  duties to her family,  to serve instead the needs of her client, the far too attractive to really be a writer, Ethan Barr. 

Somebody’s having fun with this script because there’s no way the title of Barr’s novel is not ironic.  If Gina actually wanted to write a book about Paul she couldn’t have come up with a better title than “The Pale Fox.” Especially this week, where it’s increasingly obvious that Paul is not entirely on his game. Still, fox is a step up from two weeks ago when he described himself as a mole. (Has anyone else noticed that he’s starting to open some windows in his office?)

While he makes some progress with Sunil, nudging him into opening up about an emotional attachment he had with a girl from a lower caste right before his marriage, Paul makes the mistake of pushing too hard, too soon.

At first Sunil politely deflects Paul’s hints that he might be jealous of his son, Arun, and attracted to Julia.  Then he answers this theory directly. “Why would I be jealous of a marriage in which a vain and immodest wife is having an affair with another man?” But Paul keeps poking, suggesting that Sunil’s attraction to Julia is probably leading him to feel more emotionally and sexually betrayed than his son is.

At this point I feel the tremendous urge to scream at the T.V. “Dude, NO!  It’s WAY too early for this.” Just like I did on week 2 of  "Survivor: Nicaragua,"  when Marty orchestrated that blindside of super bowl coach Jimmy Johnson. Oh how I wish Jimmy Johnson  had laughed as hard and helplessly as Sunil does, and then in a gesture of subtly calibrated contempt cut Marty a personal check for a million dollars right then and there.  But Jimmy Johnson, mighty as he once was, is not the magnificent actor, Irfan Khan.  Sunil hands Paul a check with such perfectly tuned Brahmin condescension, you actually forget Julia bankrolled it.

“What an interesting tea we have had” says Sunil, doing nothing to disguise his laughter and giving Paul a much needed booster course in personal boundaries.  No doubt about the  frontrunner of this week’s episode of “Survivor: Paul’s Office.” Sunil leaves Paul sitting alone, looking utterly confused and lost.


The sibling rivalry between Frances and her sister, Patricia, has been so palpable from week one, I expect Paul’s office smells vaguely of roasted budgie every time she leaves.  Things get even more Whatever Happened to Baby Jane when Frances confesses that she once willfully sabotaged Patricia’s acting career.

Winger looks great with her wry smile and heavily lidded, aging diva eyes.  But for the first time, she starts to look a little ugly, as she petulantly chews Paul out for remembering something her sister once said about their mother in therapy and attributing it to her. I really want Paul to fight back and say, well what did you expect was going to happen when you insisted on coming to your sister’s therapist?  

Obviously he thinks he’s capable of maintaining the boundaries between the two women in his mind, but why should he have to? Wouldn’t it be healthier to refer her to a therapist less tainted by prior knowledge?

It’s not like Frances is some kind of complicated case that only the most brilliant therapist could crack. The roots of her emotional emptiness seem fairly obvious.  Her mother sounds like a textbook narcissist. Frances remembers that after their father’s death, her mother used to cry and cry, and take Patricia, then a one year old infant, out of the crib to bring into bed to comfort herself with. “She always chose her, even though I was awake” Frances remembers, as though using a child like a stuffed animal is actually an act of love, not self-indulgence.  

Paul gently points out that Patricia became the caretaker “almost by accident, because she was cast in that role by your mother.” Frances wasn’t, which in some ways served her well, allowing her energy to put into a successful career.  But it does mean that she’s never really properly understood the dynamics of healthy nurturing, and how much it depends on good boundaries.  Boundaries she obviously doesn’t get if she’s stealing her daughter’s scarf and reading her e-mails without remorse.

Frances also doesn’t seem to understand how therapy works.  She still thinks she’s going to leave it with an idealized picture of her mother. When the discussion turns to practical steps she could take to develop a better relationship with Patricia, like apologize for sabotaging her acting career, she decides she’s tired of talking.  She expects to use the remaining minutes of therapy to have Paul run lines with her.  Paul refuses, insisting on maintaining his role as therapist and not blurring it with a secondary role as personal assistant. Confused by the rejection, Frances waltzes out frustrated and unsatisfied.  

It’s a bad thing for Frances, but probably a good thing for Paul.  That he’s not connecting with clients, and losing some of his superpower boundary-blurring empathy skills, may actually be a symptom that he’s starting to withhold some emotional energy for himself.  

He’s going to need this energy for his taciturn, brooding artist son, Max, especially if Max starts hooking up with Jesse.  He’s also going to need it now that he seems to be hammering the final nails into the coffin of his relationship with Wendy, the runner.  Any woman who can look Paul, the Pale Fox, in the eyes and tell him that she thinks he’s happy, is suffering from more than just a tiny case of denial. Fortunately she’s insightful enough to recognize that Paul isn’t playing along with the happy together delusion anymore.  She looks hurt, but at least we know she’ll feel a lot better after some exercise.
   

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EP and front cover with no readers?
Hi Juliet!
I don't even recognize Debra Winger. Is everyone blonde now?
Hi Trig,

Yeah, I get not readers for this over here. Oh well.

KW, are you sure you're not confusing her with Amy Ryan? Winger's brunette on this show.
I am confused - you are correct. She is a brunette. Must have been the way the light was dancing on her auburn tresses in one of the pictures.

I am struggling with an enormous blonde revulsion after watching all of the tea party wives on election night. Not a single brunette in the bunch - but lots of dark roots. There is hatred in my heart, Juliet.
I always mean to refrain from reading your summaries because I have to wait for the DVD...but I read them anyway because you are so talented at writing these! Damn you, now the whole season will be spoiled but then again, it's like getting a tasty treat twice...
The dilemma presented by Sunil raises some very interesting questions for me. How is Paul to reconcile a system of healing based on "the liberation of the individual" with a patient whose cultural ideology venerates not personal liberation, but duty? If Paul applies the ideology of personal liberation to Sunil's situation, he is not just attempting to help Sunil adjust to his new home life; he will also be calling into question all of the ideals and motivations of Sunil's life to date.

This is one patient/therapist session that opens up onto some much larger questions: questions about the relationship between psychotherapy and established cultures and belief systems other than our own. Is modern psychotherapy the appropriate system of healing for a man like Sunil?
The Francis storyline remains a bit weird for this viewer. I can't tell if the character is supposed to be deeply fractured and narcissistic, or if Debra Winger is simply miscast. But somehow the thread of her self-presentation seems wonky to me.

For the most part I recall Debra Winger as the bold, willful, instinct-driven characters she portrayed in films like An Officer and a Gentleman, Urban Cowboy, Black Widow and - one of my all time favorite films (and book) - The Sheltering Sky.

Maybe portraying a brittle, narcissistic character like Francis is just beyond her capabilities?

And yet, did you see her in Rachel Getting Married? She portrays Rachel's mother as a distant, unapologetically self-possessed person who has, for reasons undisclosed, decided to leave her floundering, problematic adult children behind and move on in search of a better life. It's a daring role and I found her sympathetic, something I suspect was very hard to pull off.
Well, Sunil, these spam comments certainly bear out your "consuming monsters" point.

Great observation about Paul's windows. After opening them for Sunil's smoking, is Paul finding the openness and light more to his taste? (We remember his comment to Adele about her office-- perhaps brightness and well-maintained boundaries go hand in hand?)
mpsycho, think of it as preview. You'll have forgotten it all by the time the season comes out on DVD next year. I know when I read book reviews I barely remember anything by the time I read the book.

M. I agree that I have mixed feelings about the Debra Winger performance. I don't know if it's the acting, the writing, the character. I'm not a big fan of Patricia Rozema, who directed last night's episode. I hated her adaptation of Mansfield Park with a bile I rarely feel towards movies. The Winger character feels contrived and I'm trying to see a best case scenario where that is part of her character and Paul will eventually break through it.

But it's hard, because the three other stories are so rich and so powerfully acted that she just seems like wilted lettuce in a otherwise great sandwhich.
Prison notebook. Sorry, I just noticed you like a flower in a garbage dump. I love Sunil's little hindu rants. I would miss them greatly if Paul were to successfully Westernize him.

I went back and compared the windows to some episodes I have taped from last season. They were dirty and half shaded, so he's definitely doing some airing out. I hadn't made the Sunil connection, but I definitely thought about Adele. Her office is so fresh, all those rows of tulips or crocuses or whatever they are on the windows. I can't wait to see them again.
My old friend Dan Futterman and his wife, Anya Epstein , are writing this seasons episodes. Danny and I went to college together...until I dropped out. I'm way behind on episodes, but I'm so proud of the work they're doing. He's a wonderful actor, and a great writer - and with Anya, well, they are pure genius!
Aim, I was just listening to them on NPR the other day. They're doing a great job!
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I find the Sunil story particularly touching because it is close to home. Except for a few exceptions all Indian parents who come for a visit or to stay go through a huge phase of rejection before resignation. To tell you the truth as we immigrated many decades back we all went through the same sort of thing only it was tempered with the urge to succeed no matter what. Slowly we learn to see the strengths of our new home and finally get to share the fate of the land. But there are "Indian" perceptions which are not shouted out , not debated, but quietly endured and even more quietly either discarded or actually spread.
Methinks Irrfan has over shadowed Gabriel by a LONG shot. But both pronounce Arun funny. This is coming from an actual Bengali!
Apparently the producers read an article about how difficult it was for immigrant parents, so much of this is based on the advice they've been getting from Jhumpa Lahiri. You're right Kahn is acting rings around Byrne, which is nice for a change. This show is such hard work I imagine, it's good for Byrne to sit back and let someone else steal the show.

In the first episode Sunil addressed the mispronunciation. Apparently Arun decided to change the pronunciation of his name to make it sound more western.

What I find interesting in particular about Sunil is the kind of love he has for Kamala which is so hard for us to understand. Everyone who watches this assumes that everything will be fine when Sunil just acknowledges that marriages should be affairs of the heart and that he was forced into a loveless marriage by his terrible culture.

But of course it's not that simple. He's experienced a deep security in his marriage that few Westerners really have anymore, the knowledge that your commitment really are sacred. To him the idea that he would trade that for a spouse he could never entirely trust must seem really preposterous.
Frances's turn-on-a-dime changing mood and do-for-me attitude with Paul indicates that she may be borderline. That would fit with her history of having a narcissistic mother. I have watched this series since the beginning episode and thoroughly enjoy it. One thing I have noticed this season, though, is that Paul is asking too many questions of his clients instead of listening. Don't most therapists assume the observer role and allow their clients to talk about what comes into their consciousness and take it from there? Paul seems to interfere too much with his clients. All in all, though, a fascinating series.
@mypsyche - there is no need to wait for a DVD of nearly any movie or series. And I don't mean "bit torrent;" and I don't mean "download." Just look on the net, if you are so inclined, and it's all there for your streaming pleasure, similar to Hulu or any of the network TV sites than stream their latest shows.
So much of this season seems to focus on boundaries, Paul's included. Sunil understands the customary boundaries of Indian parents and their adult children (they are very few) but not those of his Anglo daughter-in-law. Frances can't respect her daughter's privacy or relationship with her sister, Jesse's mother can't seem to see that his rejection is a plea for closeness and Adele spots the confused lines Gina tried (and failed) to draw with her star pupil.

One thing I found interesting about Sunil's description of his relationship to his wife: Their marriage was arranged by their parents, but they "came to love each other." This is the same phrase I have heard many of my Indian friends use to describe either their own arranged matches or, more especially, those of their parents. Children seem to have a deep need to believe that love binds their father and mother together, because if it doesn't, then the center that keeps the family together won't hold.

Whether or not these couples love each other in the sense that those of us in the West define romantic love is the problem in Sunil's case. Sunil, from all we can see, is devoted to his wife, her dignity, her mothering, her memory. For him, this is love. If he cannot find these qualities in his daughter-in-law, what is there for his son to love?
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