If you've read Part 1 of this blog, you'll know that I've had ulcers on my feet and ankles for the better part of 6 years. The pain has been "exquisite", sunshine has become an adversary, and I'm on a first name basis with my doctor, been invited to her house and been fishing with the secretary and her husband. So I would say we've come to know each other pretty well.
When Liz comes to me with an exciting new treatment she's researched online and met with the rep who's pushing this miraculous new procedure; I figure it's worth a shot because what have I got to lose...besides my toes, that is, and the way they're looking lately, I might be better off aesthetically, without them!
The procedure consists of a thorough debridement of the ulcers. This is where that instrument, I'll call it the Spoonblade, comes into play. She does a couple of the less sensitive wounds, digging to china with abandoned empathy, but the majority of the debridement has me close to passing out from the pain of the Spoonblade. Uh-huh. I reckon I need some powerful anaesthesia...Uh-huh
me waiting for debridement After the debridement is completed, an application of something called Apligraf is placed in all the wounds.
What is Apligraf?
"Human keratinocytes and fibroblasts are derived from neonatal foreskins obtained for use under informed-consent guidelines1"
"Human keratinocytes and fibroblasts are derived from neonatal foreskins obtained for use under informed-consent guidelines1"
you wanna do what with it? That's right, you read it correctly. Neo-natal foreskins are placed in my wound beds, (and there are 10 of them) with the hope that the living cells in the foreskin will instigate a healing process in the ulcers.
I hate that word, "ulcer", it's a very ugly image I get when I hear it. "Ulcer". Ugh! Appropriately ugly.
The procedure is completed and now we all wait for signs of life. I feel as though the Indians have circled the wagon train (that's me), and are waiting the scalps!
Two, four, six weeks go by with no improvement and I am starting to feel very discouraged.
Into the seventh week, I notice a slight difference in the look of my toes.There appears to be small bumps, not even a quarter of an inch high, and even less than that wide. Still, they have the undeniable look of little tiny mushrooms!
I bring this to Dr. Liz's attention and she laughs until tears come.
She says "it's the funniest thing she's ever seen" and says she "was thinking the same thing" and again bursts into laughter.
I'm not particularly happy about everyone finding my little dick dilemma funny!
Seriously, if I had a camera I'd take pictures so you could all join in the fun, and laugh until you cry. For now, I'll leave it to your imagination; how 6 or7 little penii are growing like weeds in my wounds!
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Also, I picked a wrong time to watch a women in prison movie, especially the scene where the prison guard is torturing the one woman by "scraping" her feet.
OUCH! OUCH! EEK!!
:)
But hey, little penii on your feetsies, you should go into porn!! ;)
nana-I just have to laugh at all the nonsense I encounter on a daily basis, or I would surely cry! Thank you for your kind thoughts!
Tink- Oh yes, don't you just love that scraping. Like I said ,i had to be put out. to tolerate that FN procedure! Thanks for coming by!
judie-oh, I believe it. . Not a doubt in my mind! I wonder how much we don't know about what they do with skin remnants and such. Probably could be a good horror novel. Thanks for the interesting story!
Rated!
so are there penii growing in all the ulcer beds? this is hard to fathom but i guess it's not surprising. the tip of a penis is put there and from there groweth some penii. on your feet.
i love you, sweetheart. you know how sad and sorry i am that you're in such "exquisite" pain. but i'm happy that you're sharing this now. i love that Liz is your friend now and jealousing that she gets to hang out with you and i don't. i know, i'm such an ass. making this tragedy abotu me me me in some way.
Please alert me to your new posts!!! please. i hate finding them by accident. WE NEED A PICTURE OF THE PENII. ask Liz to bring a camera in or i';ll send you mine. love lvoe lveo and huge gratitude for your friendship and for who you are and what you write.
I hope the procedure works miraculously. I know foot pain and, myself, have been reduced to crawling around the house on hands and knees for days and crying in between the crawling. Just doing regular stuff is suddenly a major ordeal. Wal-Mart is a must for groceries in this economy, but ours is approx. 5 or 6 acres - which is one helluva a walk on broken, smashed to tiny bits of bone shards feet. Using the wheel chair thing is embarrassing because of that fucking beep, beep, beep when you back up - like you're a freaking Mac Truck that might as well say "Look out, fat-ass comin thru," fat or not, that's how it makes one feel. I actually got quizzed by the too young to be a scumbag, uneducated, rude-ass scumbag of a cashier as to why in the hell someone "like me" was using the wheel chair (young and in good health). I could have explained to her my condition, but I assure you she would not have understood one word past "it's called......" So I just looked at her sarcastically and said "because I'm lazy as hell and I enjoy watching people obviously look AWAY when I zoom past."
My mother had major foot issues also in which the 1st surgery removed sections of bone in her toes and heels giving her varying lengths of toes and no joint in her big toe and the pinkie toe eventually hauled itself up onto the top of it's neighboring toe and we kids called her "freaky foot." Second surgery was supposed to correct all the poor decisions of the previous surgeon but only did more damage. But hers was bone growth/tumors/spurs not ulcers so at least you don't have to worry about becoming Freak Foot2. :-D
Seriously hope your recovery speeds up and is miraculous indeed. Keep us posted.
Seriously, I understand the need to make light of such things - after all, laughter is the best medicine and it beats crying.
Again, good thoughts and prayers headed your way, Julie.
I thought I ought to share with you what has been going on with my feet to see is there is anything similar that would allow us to exchange ideas about treatment, medicines, etc.
I will send you a PM.
Prayers for your healing from me.
Monte
If you kicked someone in the ass would it be considered sexual harassment? I know I said I'd stop, I'm trying...
Would wearing open toed shoes get you arrested?
If you can maintain a sense of humor through this ordeal you are not just a survivor but a thriver.
Tijo-I've known women who've wanted a foot long dick, as well. give these seedlings in my ulcers enough time, and I just might be advertising some bisexual bonin'!
Marcela- You're too good to me girl! Thank you so much for the great comments! I think I do have aliens visiting! Sshh...don't tell anyone!
Theo- I know Part 1 was a pathetic attempt at some sarcastic wit and biting satire. Like I said, I'll just have to keep trying or just write serious stuff, morose and depressing, People get sick of that stuff very quickly! Thanks for your honesty!
Apache-Yeah, That's just what I mean! Little baby dicklets, sprouting like hard ons on a teen aged boy. Unbelievable, isn't it? I empathize with your crawling and crying! I have cried many time in the nights, praying for relief or death!! Thanks for your kind thoughts, Apache.
Bills-Oh, you should see how I look in sandals! It is truly frightening! I 'm feeling your good thoughts. Thank you so much!
Buffy- I'm glad you like the humor in this. I have to laugh!Thanks for the great comment!
Monte-Thank you so much for the prayers. I'll take all you can give! I must read your PM, and I'm so sorry for the procrastination I've shown writing these responses. We'll talk soon, Monte.
Chicago guy- This is so funny! When I 1st read your comment, instead of "I'd leave a clever...".I thought it said, "I'd leave a cleaver, but Tijo stole mine! Thanks for coming by!
Totzaon-yeah, I think you're probably right about the doctors needing the comic relief; I think anyone who has significant stress, needs the relief that humor provides. I would not pick up a drink...suppose if it made my feet worse! I didn't drink yesterday, I won't drink today, and I pray that I don't drink tomorrow. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!
Ablonde-Very clever. I just thought of another one. That's enough wet spots to make a puddle! Kicking someone in the ass would be considered anal intercourse to the 4th power. Imagine the turn off to someone with a foot fetish! I don't know about being a thriver, I sure don't feel that way, but thanks for the great comments!
Lisa-I'm accepting all the prayers and good thoughts that I can get. Thank you for your's, they're always appreciated!!