julie Kiernan

julie Kiernan
Narragansett, USA
May 13
yet to be determined
confined to the lonesome
Fooled around and fell in love 2 girls in their 20s, and an autistic son who is 23 y.o. We have too many pets to count and believe that a sense of humor helps to win the battles that this life presents. I hope to spiel my crazy self onto these pages before the poison peaks. Oh yeah, my husband never stops talking.. "All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?" The Beatles


Julie Kiernan's Links

DECEMBER 21, 2010 11:29AM

Where is the G-D Remote?

Rate: 21 Flag
My husband was storming around the living room, tossing pillows from couch to chair, swearing at the cats for their absolute lack of interest in his apparent life altering dilemma. Finally they were dispersed, tails fat with indignation and tufts of fur flying in the trail of their retreat.
Obviously it was time to step in and put an end to this  outburst.
"Tom, what is the matter? What's with all the language?"
"It's gone.  Again! Nobody puts the G-D thing back!"
It was here that I recognized his angst. He was flushed, nostrils dilated and veins throbbing on either side of his forehead. He had actually begun to wring his hands! I was witnessing an adult male revert to toddlerdom and I half expected him to drop to the floor and flail his legs!
 All because the TV remote was in the land of displaced objects, gone for a short time to the place where missing socks reside, and forlorned pacifiers retire.
"Tom, you need to calm down. You know it will show up and fretting like this will do no good for ANY of us! Really"
With a little coaxing, Tom sat with me and I told him the story of the other world we knew.
 We once knew a time when there was not a TV in every room. There was a time when there was not a TV in every home, and families would crowd in together to share the favorite 8:00 show. There was no remote!

Eventually most families had a TV, and then 2 or maybe 3. With the advance of technology came the remote and probably the height of human laziness. I'd seen Tom rant about the missing remote, expending more energy than it would ever  take to simply walk to the television and perform whatever it was he wanted done.
There was a time when there were 3 channels that were broadcast;if you were lucky you could put used aluminum foil on the rabbit ears to get the horizontal flip steadied. That was if you were lucky enough to be rich enough to use  aluminum foil, but that's a post for another time.
 Now there are 200+ channels to make one crazy over the viewing choices. Not to mention  the degree one needs to operate the remote one had spent an hour finding.
The story ends with bittersweet  memories and sighs of slight sadness. If only we'd been able to handle the technology instead of it handling us.
This is when the remote is unavailable. It just blows Tom's mind!

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I have said to mine many times.
they should all be born with remote pockets.:)
rated with hugs
Thanks Linda. I'm so glad someone empathizes with this meltdown!:)
I have to call my daughter to just turn the TV on and put it directly to the channel I want. I don't watch much TV. o/e R****
In the bad ol' days when I had a bunch of rug rats running around the house, the remote would go missing waaaaaay too often. Finally I bought one of those thingies that you put on your keys. When you whistle it goes "beep-beep" back at you for about 30 seconds. I double-side taped it to the back of the remote. Worked like a charm until my oldest boy thought it would be fun to take it off the remote and hook it onto the cat's collar. Every time it went "beep-beep" the cat would run.

I went freakin' nuts trying to figure out why the "beep-beeps" seemed to be moving when I whistled to find the remote!!

Not to worry. I let him out of that closet every day for a full hour of exercise and some bread and water.

Amen. I remember a world without TV, Microwaves, DVDs, iPods, etc., etc. Maybe it was simpler, but I am not sure it was better. R
I know exactly what you are talking about. Some believe that if they lose the remote they lose control of everything.
rated with patience
I guess the television remote control locator is the perfect present for your husband ;)

You will find many types, with a simple Google search on "tv remote locator".
We could get 200 channels, but only watch four, when we are too tired to do anything else...
This goes much deeper than the question of a remote; it is our collective submission into a technology that has on most part rendered a lazy, dependent, discontent generation. It has taken the joy of human touch and communication out of our lives and made us strangers to even our family members. When will it stop? Perhaps when the lights are out when we clap our hands. ~R
I used to think that the remote control ran on magic. Well, I still do. Aren't batteries magic?
I have also learned that some men have a three inch radius on which their gaze will fall when looking for something. If it is not within that space, it is lost or just not there. Like food in the fridge that is not magically prepared, and put on a plate and a spotlight on it in the center of the top rack. Is it the remote or is it husbandvision?
And don't you remember your parents putting you in charge of getting up to change the channels?!
So that's why they tell us to wear aluminum foil caps!
Meltdown is the human mind's version of the television flip. Do the antennae on aliens keep them calm?
yup. the remote and the tv have assumed lives of their own robbing us of ours...we are all crazed and alternatively crazy...runs outside to find a quieter gentler saner way of being...r
So funny, so true!

I've never freaked out over losing the remote. Nope. Not me. Never happened. Those stories you hear are all lies.

1- URGENT!! Get the batteries OUT!! ....NOW!!
This is MOST important. Water + batteries = short circuit = irreparable damage!

2- Spread a clean white cloth on your table. Work there. (you're going to have to take out tiny wee screws - they'll roll off a bare table - cloth prevents that - white so you can easily see the darn things.

3- Open up the remote (set of mini-screwdrivers needed - about $2.00 at dollar store). Some can be pried apart. Most have from 1 to 6 little screws in the back. Some that have only 1 or 2 screws hide them in the (now empty, right?) battery compartment.

4- Inside you will see a circuit board. It has almost everything electronic attached to it. You will recognize it immediately because it is usually green or tan in colour and looks absolutely nothing like a "board".

5- It is held in place by from 2 to 6 chrome (shiny) screws. Remove those screws. Sometimes the sides of the case will have little nodes that stick out a wee bit and hold the board as well. AFTER removing screws, gently pry the node on one side out so the circuit board can lift up and out.

6- CAREFULLY remove that board. As you take it out remember how it goes back in. Be careful of that little thing that looks like a little red light on wires at the front end.

7- Blow dry all these separate things thoroughly. Leave them out overnight so any moisture you missed will evaporate.

8- Do you remember how it came apart? Good now test your memory by putting it back together. Didn't remember - right? Just take it easy and make sure it is "right side" up and that the little red light thingie is pointed towards the little hole in the end of the case.

9- Make sure you get all the little screws in. A remote has NO extra parts so if you have some left over - you also have a new problem. Don't over-tighten the screws - just snug and firm.

10- Close up the case and put those screws back.

11- Install new batteries. There ya go!!

Easy eh wot?!!
Wonderful. That's life. I think all families are screwed up in different eccentric ways.

I hide popcorn,
beer, goat milk,
sock, shoo fly pie,
and toss shoe at TV.
I don't have a teevee.
I miss ;Rabbit; Ears;,
I recall our color TV.
I was confused. Lazy?
Weary? No gets ups?
Doze? Lazy Boy chair.
Hide butter popcorn.
Hide under cushions.
I thought? My O Mom.
Buy me one Red Pony.
I go to local barrooms.
I orders raw goat milk.
The Little rascal drink.

I look for Annie Oakley.
She had pigtails to pull.

This was real livelihood.
She beats up 3 Stooges.
Great bedtime read too!
No tv here, but definitely one at grandma and grandpa's house and you better believe we know where that remote is at all times in case grandpa decides to call it into his easy chair space.
I'll have to take a picture of the remote holder Mr. Vance built -- it's three remotes (the tv remote, the dvr remote and the sound system remote) all bolted to one big piece of wood. He cut holes out of the back so that the batteries can be changed without unbolting the remotes. It's too big to ever get lost.
I love how you love him
R for universalnoteof sympathy
This was cute and also ended with a good point. We have become very lazy.
Merry Christmas!