She applied her makeup much like a spackler would make full the cracks in a wall.
An attempt to hide the scars left visible from a painful existence.
Agonizing, empty-eyed grimaces
arrive on an east wind.
An outstretched arm, like a breaking branch, an indication of desperation...she wanted out, needed to get out, but release was not to be.
They'd found her two days too late, her junkie "friends" coming around after their dope was depleted and the promise of her money was so sweet.
She always seemed to be good for something, enough to get their sicks off, and when they were sure they'd squeezed her dry they'd leave her with the promise of returning with a curing taste, and off they'd go to squabble over the last little bit, knowing she'd lay there sick and shaking, convinced that they deserved the cure more than she did.
Two days too late, and of course she and I hadn't spoken in a year or more; not since in a drunken rage she had thrown us all to the street. The whole family, five of us, pets included, with a sum total of $40 in our pockets. I'd felt betrayed then and refused her apologies or I'm sure I would've been there, maybe able to help or maybe not.
Something I surely know. I would've felt that east wind. I would've seen the grimaces and heard the whispers, "No dope for you." And I would have been part of it, so ashamed to be, yet involved relentlessly.
Twelve years ago. Two days she'd lain, maybe struggling to the door, maybe calling out my name.?? She'd been almost eighteen years my senior. A sister born with such wisdom. I'd worshipped her for most of the time I'd known her. I held her in awe, believing I was unworthy to be her sister, until I found that she was also just a person. Fallible, weak, even. Together we were unstoppable in our quests, whether they be good or bad. Until the addictions took our souls and wrought them into silly putty, inert, we were nothing that mattered to each other.
I felt her essence leave her physical self. She been unresponsive before I arrived at the hospital. My other brothers and sisters cleared the room, and I sat by her, took her hand, and told her "I've been away, but I'm back now."
She squeezed my hand and left her body. We had found forgiveness.
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Comments
rated with love
Kathy-So glad you like this. It's so meaningful coming from someone I respect! Thank you!
explained the significance of this woman to your, and your family’s , life.
Dearest Lady,
She will hear this in Eternity.
A bit garbled and disrupted on Earth, she no doubt thrives There…
……………………………..
Ps that certain source wrote a nice little poem, go see it!
………………………………
Sources of wisdom are never ever unconditional or uncontroversial,
I have found. Weakness is as mighty as strength in them.
Horrible things happen to the Best People,
Of whom u are one.
Ah well, the thing to do is persevere and hope that it was all worth something in the end,
Which for some cannot come too soon,
Or for some, not soon enough, because that aint the plan.
Plans in Eternity are not to be fooled with.
Thank God u are back.
Rip.
Strong and raw words chosen here.
from here
and there
my return
eased by
your magnificent
poem
powerful in hurt and love
strong in reflection
I am moved.
.......................
chuck is right as always.
you moved the damn chair in my room half a few feet
but it came back.
let us see here, Lady J:
"Two days she'd lain, maybe struggling to the door, maybe calling out my name.?? She'd been almost eighteen years my senior. A sister born with such wisdom. I'd worshipped her for most of the time I'd known her. I held her in awe"
i got a sister 18 yrs older. 62. she could be dying
in her hectic fastpaced upper upper middleclass widowhood
and not call me. so i gotta call her.
and
pretend to be somehow under her.
tired of it.
.............................
if she had wisdom truly she'd be thinkin' on
her sister & her niece, too!
.......................
chuck is right as always.
you moved the damn chair in my room half a few feet
but it came back.
let us see here, Lady J:
"Two days she'd lain, maybe struggling to the door, maybe calling out my name.?? She'd been almost eighteen years my senior. A sister born with such wisdom. I'd worshipped her for most of the time I'd known her. I held her in awe"
i got a sister 18 yrs older. 62. she could be dying
in her hectic fastpaced upper upper middleclass widowhood
and not call me. so i gotta call her.
and
pretend to be somehow under her.
tired of it.
.............................
if she had wisdom truly she'd be thinkin' on
her sister & her niece, too!
.......................
chuck is right as always.
you moved the damn chair in my room half a few feet
but it came back.
let us see here, Lady J:
"Two days she'd lain, maybe struggling to the door, maybe calling out my name.?? She'd been almost eighteen years my senior. A sister born with such wisdom. I'd worshipped her for most of the time I'd known her. I held her in awe"
i got a sister 18 yrs older. 62. she could be dying
in her hectic fastpaced upper upper middleclass widowhood
and not call me. so i gotta call her.
and
pretend to be somehow under her.
tired of it.
.............................
if she had wisdom truly she'd be thinkin' on
her sister & her niece, too!
as she lay dying.
which probably was bad,
then
good.
dying i mean.
as she lay dying.
which probably was bad,
then
good.
dying i mean.
She always seemed to be good for something,
enough to get their sicks off,
and when they were sure they'd squeezed her dry they'd leave her
with the promise of returning with a curing taste,
and off they'd go to squabble over the last little bit,
knowing she'd lay there sick and shaking,
convinced that they deserved the cure more than she did.
the sure cure is love. the temporal cure can be booze
or drugs, especially opiates.
i like em fine.
the opiates are habit forming though
and my habit is
to rest up
in a bundle of surrender anyway.
so i got no need for opiates, downers.
i think of my shame for that.
uppers? ritalin is ok, i guess.
got some young sprouts on it, does wonders.
caffeine works for me.
then benzo, responsibly taken,
to sleep
and
of
course
the sickening smelly horror of being skin.
that works.
i wanna sleep and wake up gratefully dead.
or a zoom zombie fulla love
and innocence
fuckin regained.
ha, got it.
mz whoosy whatsis
with a mean mouth and a fondness for
animals.
unconsciously seeking safety in the arms of a loving father.
oops, he aint enough.
need mom.
need
Mother.
need.
Says to another lady of genius, you, a ma,
I say,
Hey let the fun start..
Ha.
Says to another lady of genius, you, a ma,
I say,
Hey let the fun start..
Ha.
Good to see you again.
And I think what Matt said is perfect - "A universe of grace...."
Rated.
seriously important piece.
blake died well. look it up.
She been unresponsive before I arrived at the hospital.of course, so why sis bug her? My other brothers and sisters cleared the room, and I sat by her, took her hand, and told her "I've been away, but I'm back now."
she was disheartened but could die now.
She squeezed my hand and left her body. We had found forgiveness.
jesus said forgive . i do not.
buddha said lemme ask ya.
do ya like daily lama?
german pope is what i say . rat.