My youngest daughter, Julie, has taught me more than she will ever know.  Here, at age 9 she wrote:

 "Come see the very serious side of Julie"

"Life is a staircase:  every day is another step."

"I am a pair of arms wanting a hug.

I am a bright smile.

I am a loving heart.

I am a pair of happy feet.

I am not a sore heel.

I am not a whining voice.

I am not a wasted mind.

I am not a helpless soul.

I value my life.

I value my friends and family.

I value my gifts from God.

I value my choices in life."

As I have been cleaning closets, going thru boxes, gathering old clothes and household items for a charitable organization to pick up today, I am struck by how much I miss my little girls, not so little anymore.

 I am very introspective today over the concept of my "empty nest" and it grips my heart to know how real it is for me.  My youngest has been gone over two years and is now living with her boy friend, both surreal and uncomfortable to see her life take shape, knowing I must allow this natural disconnect to sink in a little deeper with time.

This is Julie now and definitely still not helpless or without purpose.  The hair color may change, month to month, but that's just Julie!                 Time to let go?

So I look back at this, not so long ago, watching her perform at college, where I knew she would be safe, living in the dorm, a quick 1 hour flight away and I was reassured she would be just fine.

Still I look at her room, so vacant, missing photos and posters that made me crazy, all the holes in the walls, peeling paint where tape had once hung her favorite music idols and school memorabilia, the loud dance music filtering throughout the house, the piles of dirty clothes in every corner that gave me an excuse to bug her everyday, when all I wanted to do was just hold her, keep her small.....it's time to give all her Juicy Couture hoodies and clothes dating back to grammar school to some other kids who will love her hand me downs.  So I am filling boxes of memories, letting them soften some other nests.

This is all part of my empty nest, but the youngest one strikes the deepest cord for me.  My other two daughters are all grown up, I like to believe, in their mid-thirties and one who has given me my first grandbaby.  But still, there will always be an emptiness where their energy once was, when it filled my home with their chatter, laughter, frustration, tears, rants and all things growing up and out the door to build their own nests.

 Well, photo quality not so good, but hard to get us all together these days.  Top:  Kelly - 36,  Mama Hawk - old enough to know better... Bottom:  Julie - 19 (soon to be 20) and Michele - 35

The nest may be empty, but my heart is so full of their smiles, their love, their friendship and their lives that define me.  And just like carrier pigeons, they always come back to the nest!

Proud Mama Hawk