This is just pure sacrilege but it is just eating away at my brain.
Have you ever noticed how most cursing, swearing, cussing and profanities seem to be centered around the Christian faith and it's deities?
Yes, how could you not?! What is with taking God's name in vain, for Christ's sake! See?! Right there!
"God damn it to hell!" What is it that we are proclaiming God should damn to hell?! A stubbed toe? Backing into the meter stand? Running over the curb with our low to the ground sports edition BMW bumper?! God, that pisses me off, cause then the bumper is loose, drags on the ground and has to go into the shop, God damn it, for Christ knows how effing long this time!
"My fucking God, you can't be serious!" You know you've said it or at least heard it and wished you'd said it, for sure! How can anyone say God is fucking in any context at all? Good God, that is just terrible! I don't care what your religion is or lack thereof, but to say that God is fucking in any way is just plain anti-Christ bull shit. Bad on us!
"Jesus Christ, that hurts!!!" Stop twisting his or her arm, for Christ's sake or you will condemn yourself to hell forever, with that blasphemy! Why are you shouting at the top of your lungs to JC when something hurts suddenly, like...what?! Jesus is going to hear you and answer you back with something like, "Ah, geez, I'am so sorry that hurt you. Guess I should have skipped life on earth and prevented all this screaming pain!"
"Good Lord, what were you thinking!" That's a reacurring expression often heard when one use poor judgement or when one wears something completely wrong for just about any occasion. Especially a wedding or the company picnic. "Jesus, fucking Lord, you're not seriously going to wear that!"
Again, poor God, Creator of Heaven and Earth and all the foul creatures living in/on his creation. Is He up there, scratching His head, wondering why in the hell his prize creations are cursing their asses off on a daily basis about every fucking thing on the planet?!
"Sweet Jesus," We do curse a lot down here. Yeah, we do. Even the good ones let 'em rip all the damn time, you know who you are. All that training and advice plus threats when we were kids, not to swear or take the Lord's name in vain...so what was that, then?! Fucking for naught?! Weren't we told that it's not nice to swear? Not fucking lady-like, not gentlemenly?! Good Lord, no, it's not! Well, the Lord is good, so I get that one.
"God damn son-of-a-bitch!" Now, there's a classic! Since when does God damn son's of female dogs, mere little pups, never hurt a living soul? And if you translate that to mean something other than female dog related, which often occurs, where in lies the meaning anyway? Does it just feel good to say it? Do we have any fuckin' idea why it feels so good? Damn!
"Hell fire and damnation!" Now, this one is a bit old fashioned but it leads one to believe that there is a hell to which we may be damned for eternity. Now, there's another concept for which we have no real explanation. Eternity what? Where? Why?
Eternity? "Jesus H. Christ," does anyone really know?! And what the fuck does the "H" stand for in that descriptive? I am freaking going out of my mind wondering what that "H" stands for. And, God damn it, don't you go Googling it to see what it is, cause I could have just as easliy done that myself and saved myself and you all this profanity and shit for brains!
"Holy Mary, Mother of God, I'm going to hell for this!"
Is the God damned "H" for Hell?
Horatio? That one's old enough to be.
Halleluja - the angels have sung!
Hannity - Cause Sean has some angelic qualities. Or does he! No, that's probably wrong.
Heaven - Cause that's where He's from?
Horrific - as hell is.
Hallowed - be thy name. A possibility.
Handmaiden - So what's the male counterpart for this servant of God?!
Hawk - Could be that, because the hawk was a sacred bird, probaly still is.
Henry - No, that name came later.
Heart - Maybe, because there is the Sacred Heart and that's integral to the whole God persona, I say with the utmost respect.
Historic - Could be as simple as that.
Ya know, there really aren't very many names that begin with "H," and no, I didn't consult a book of Judeo-Christian baby names pre-2000 AD or whatever.
Harold - an angel's name, so why not?
Hector - not buying that one.
Helvetica - Nice style of font? Greek to me.
Hosanna - acclamation of praise for God. But then why, in a phrase known to be an out right curse of anger, frustration and a lack of regard for the creator who's name it depicts?
I'm baffled, stumped, downright depleted from trying to figure this out. And for what?! I was planning to do a foody Tuesday post all along and screwed up big time.
"I swear to God, I just don't know what's come over me!"
Now that I've gotten this off my chest...anyone care to enlighten me as to what in God's name the "H" stands for?!?
HELL IF I KNOW!
(Mea Culpa! Going to go say one Our Father and three Hail Mary's and pray for my heathen soul!)
"Good God that's beautiful!"
*
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
David Brin
Jenni Lynn
Gary Fandango
Deborah Méndez Wilson
trudie jackson
hilarad
Salon.com
Comments
Of course that night in Bethlehem, Mary told Joseph, "Oy I told you we shoulda made reservations." Rated.
Squirrel - I like that one!
Jodi - Why Herbert?
Arizona Viking - Don't believe I've ever seen that sidecar?
Fred - Thanks for your support and no, I still don't know.
Lonnie - Well, no. I wrote most last night and decided to sleep on it before finishing it off this morning.
- rated for giving me a huge grin while reading this great post
Hell's Bells, Cathy! This is plain hilarious.
--rated--
But ya know, I've always wondered what that commandment even meant. It doesn't actually say, "Don't use God's name as part of a swear word." It says "don't take it in vain," and yeah, that's pretty open to interpretation in my book.
"In vain?" Okay, so I won't mention God's name while I'm vainly putting my make-up on. I can do that.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_the_H_stand_for_in_Jesus_H_Christ
And thanks for the question of the day.
H: H E DOUBLE TOOTH PICKS!
(Mom's favorite curse word!)
"This is a little complex. Fortunately one of my majors was in Greek.
In many churches the inscription IHC is part of church art. These happen to be an abbreviation of the name Jesus, which is spelled IHSYS in Greek capital letters. In small letters it is spelled Iesus and the "Ie" is pronounced "Yay" and the last three letters are pronounced "Soos" with a long OO. The Greek letter S is written several different ways, depending on where it is in a word or whether it's a capital or not, but the common name Jesus was abbreviated Jes (no period) and was written IHC or IHS in all-capital letters. The "H" is actually a letter that is pronounced "ay." It is not an initial "H." "H" was not written at all in ancient Greek, but was added by editors a long time later and is written as a backwards apostrophe in front of a vowel, or over the second vowel of a diphthong.
This is the ancient pronunciation, as close as we can come to it. Modern Greek is pronounced quite differently. "
This writer is referring to Greek, but I think he's misspelled that word and really means geek.
To me, "Henry" has the best, smoothest, most melodious ring to it.
Rated
I always thought it meant HOLY..... or.... if you at the H, then its not really the son of God Jesus... just some guy named Jesus H. Christ... so you dont break the commandment or whatever. ha!
Eta, I'm thinking.
dcvdickens - Oh yeah, those initials are not my real ones, so, there you have it!
Roger - "Hellraiser" was my inner blasphemous voice last night!
gmgaston - And praise the Lord I haven't been struck down by lightening yet! Did you know that my maiden name hides within yours? That's all I'm sayin'!
scanner - all I see are my very dry heels!
shaggylocks - That's a great old expression!
Mothership - Thanks a bunch!
Mary Ann - Very good point!
JK Brady - Exactly!
Yarn Over - That's a new one on me!
Arguinglulu - Now, that one makes sense!
Stim - Now I have to go look up your link and report back. Putting me to work!
Cartouche - Oh good, "H" for hilarious!
Boomer Bob - No! I'm a Dove girl! And you nailed it. I can be a very sacrilegious girl when necesary. ...As in Ozzie and Harriet?!
Lea Lane - You're welcome!
Mare - Is that the best you've got?! Mom did say hell and damn outloud on occasion, but yeah, "H E double toothpicks" was her fall back curse when she was being cute.
Mr. Mustard - I believe you!
Walter - You're the Man! Now that's a comment with some meat to it! Very informative and appreciated! I have learned more doing this post with the great comments than I would ever have imagined!
Mr. Spudman - Thanks for your great comment, and yes! The hidden messages in the Bible are rampant and difficult to discern for the common fellow. And yes, it is just not right to use God's name in that manner.
Mr. Photoguy - Another excellent observation, thanks!
Many thanks to you all for these priceless comments and great tidbits of wisdom on the subject.
I don't know what triggered this rant, but it is funny all the same.
Rated for what the...
O'Really - Nope, no hangover; nor any excess of alcohol for an excuse, though I have written a few posts under the influence, admittedly so.
Thoth - Funny thing is, I was about to shut down for the night after giving up on the idea of doing a Foody Tuesday post, which is waiting for me to take a good photo of my next FT post. Was too lazy to do that last night, but some little voice inside my head got hit with the silly stick and put this query into my head. Must have had some sublimal memory of hearing this expression recently and it tickled my brain to the point of blurting it all out here...lousy excuse for such wanton cussing into the late night hours.
Phaedo - Hell if I know! Point well taken.
Very funny post.
Rated - just for the hell (H - E - double HOCKEY STICKS) of it.
I'll be leaving now to join you in the washing out of my mouth with soap.
I always preferred saying, "Jesus Tapdancing Christ" because I always suspected he would have been an excellent tapdancer of only he had practiced. His Jewish parents should have nagged him a bit more.
Personally, I like Roy's idea the best. I may start saying "Jesus Hussein Christ". It's a rare day when I can tick off absoluetly everyone.
McGarret - Are you Nor'Swed'gen?!
Unbreakable - That's right! JMJ!!! I should have thought of that!
Bill Beck! You made a joke! I liked it!
Ren Lady - You are not alone with the Harold/Hallowed one! Too funny. And, yes, Roy got it right, didn't he?!
Very funny Cathy!
Robin - You're funny and...yeah, how about that "handmaiden thing?" What the hell are "boy maidens?" "Handjobfellas?!"
AZ Viking - Oh Lord, not Ted Haggard!
Buffy - Thanks!
Instead, she needed the entire holy family when trying to make an important point with her 4 sons:
JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH!!!
very rated.
"Judas H Priest!!!" Why didn't I think of that one sooner!!! WTF that's a great one!!!
"Jesus H. Christ!!!" is the way it sounds and the way you describe the exclamation in the title of your post...But if we break it down we might be anble to discern where the "H" comes from and why it's there and hence, what it stands for....
Sometimes when we swear or yell an exclamation we simpl y say "JESUS!!!!" or "OH JESUS!!!" then of course there's the standard standby "JESUS CHRIST!!!" or sometimes we hear an odd "OH CHRIST!!" or simply the very odd "CHRIST!!!"
I know this seems redundant but I'm getting there, have some patience, for Chrits's sake!!!....
Now, and here's where we enter paydirt....There came upon the land the utterance, "HOLY JESUS!!!" some kind of hybrid between " THE HOLY GHOST" and "HOLY MARY" and then someone said "HOLY CHRIST!!!!" Probably first uttered on the first Easter Sunday when the tomb was dicovered to be empty and they were thought to be heard saying...the tomb is empty,
"HOLY CHRIST" is gone. Don't confuse this with
"HOLY SHIT!!", my car is gone; or whatever. "HOLY SHIT!!" comes much later than the tomb being discovered empty...."HOLY COW!!" didn't start until baseball was invented. Despite what you might have heard about a golden calf or some such false idol...
Now If we look at JESUS H. CHRIST!! in the context of HOLY JESUS!! or HOLY CHRIST!! and combine the two exclamations
Thus: "JESUS!!, HOLY CHRIST!!" you can see where, why, and how the "H" gets in the middle of the proceedings...."JESUS H. CHRIST!!" is confusing and misleading because some highschool drop out wrote it on a bathroom wall with incorrect punctuation and it got caught up in the rush by the media to be the first to put it in print. The "H" is not a reference to a name, or a noun it is a poorly punctuated acronym, an adjective....which modifies enhances and describes the word "CHRIST" as in "HOLY CHRIST!!" So we can coclude that the "H" in "JESUS H. CHRIST" stands for:
Hey Cathy,
How's it going?
Hope you're
Having a
Happy day.
Rated!!
How 'bout Jesus Christ on a pogo-stick? ;)
Thanks so much for the time you took to compose this very appreciated comment. And BTW, to answer your "H" question:
I am doing Heavenly, Hysterical, Hilarious (redundent) and Having a great day! Thanks for asking! Yours is the best comment ever!
A girlfriend of mine loves to put our lord and savior in all kinds of unusual positions when life throws her a curveball. Two of my favorites: Sweet Jesus on a Shetland Pony!
Jesus Christ on a Ritz Cracker!
Hollylewya!
ain't no Hollyback, girl!
Hollyoreass down those stairs Right now!
AlcoHollycs Anonymous (praisejesus)
Holly Holly oxen free!
(funnnnnnnnnnnnny!)
Nothing wrong with this post, including in comparison to Jonathan's.