Today, October 18th, 1988, was a magical date.  My youngest daughter of 3 was born at 1:20 in the afternoon. 

For the last two weeks of her gestation, I layed awake, most nights, unable to sleep, feeling the life inside me preparing to come into this world.  For some reason, she thought it might work if she broke my ribs and emerged through my bursting chest.  There is no position to relieve the discomfort of a birth that is soon to happen.

At 4:00 AM today, the contractions began to come closer together.  I knew what this meant and excitement rose inside me.  I quietly got out of bed, dressed and sat in the chair in the bedroom, timing the baby's quickening urge to exit my swollen body.  Swollen belly, swollen ankles, face and feet.  Simply swollen everywhere.  I was done.  This baby is being born today!

My then husband woke up and saw me sitting in the chair and wondered with alarm, what I was doing.  I simply told him "Julie is coming today."  He burst out of bed, got dressed and tried to urge me to go to the hospital.  I calmed him and explained that there was still time and I wanted to wait a while longer.  He was clearly confused and agitated but gave in to the soon to be, mother times three.

Around 8:00 AM we left for the hospital and the fun began.  Without all the squirmy details, Julie was born in the early afternoon...a perfect, beautiful baby girl with all her appendages, brown hair and blue/brown eyes.  They turned out to be a rich warm brown, a gift of her Cuban heritage from her father. 

My doctor, who was 8 months pregnant, my mother, older 2 daughters and husband were all present for the long awaited birth.  I was nearly forty and getting pregnant this time required some extra effort, acrobatic positions and much patience.  It was well worth it.  Julie was very planned, desired and that baby that answers the age old urge when the "clock is ticking."  It was ticking loudly for me.  Julie was 14 and a half years younger than her next sister and 16 years from the eldest.  She was like an only child within a few short years.

Her older sisters loved her, were so proud to show her off to their friends and gave her a variety of nick names:  "Chunk Monster," "Peanut," "Jewels,"  "Pumpkin Pie," "Stinky" and "JJ."  Only two of these stuck till this day.  Might surprise you which of the two terms of endearment that stood the test of time.

Yes, she was spoiled, indulged, pampered and favored , a little.  Well, how could she not be, as my youngest, "change of life" baby and my husband's only child?!  It was destined to be.  I was worried that we would be the oldest parent's in her school but was proved to be wrong.  It was relieving to know that many other couples were choosing to have babies in their late 30's and early 40's, so we weren't some freak parents or anything.

It all went by so fast.  She flew through grammar school, where she chose to dance and dance.  Outdoor sports failed as she had asthma and environmental allergies, so after an attempt at "T-Ball" on fresh grass  and a first asthma attack, we took her out and amped up the dance lessons.  She loved to dance and dance she did.  Ballet, tap, modern, some gymnastics and more dance.  She danced in every room of the house and was in constant motion.  This was her niche and a gift.

Through high school, she continued to dance and excel in drama and politics.  Perfect conbination, right?!  She was nominated by her school faculty to become a member of the National Youth Leadership Council and traveled to Washington DC several times to attend Senate hearings, the last Bush inauguration and was selected to speak before a group of senators on CNN.  Would she become an actress, a professional dancer or a politician???  Where is this going? 

She would only apply to one college and a strong theater arts conservatory in Los Angeles.  Parental angst mounting here as her odds of being accepted were slim to none.  We thought.  She was accepted and danced and danced for the next two years of college, along with a rigorous academic schedule.

Later, our baby girl pulled a switcheroo on us and proclaimed she wanted to go to Culinary school to become a pastry chef!  She sold us when she explained that she couldn't dance forever and wanted a second career option.  Hence, she bakes and bakes and still dances and dances.  Politics has taken a back seat and her fervor in that area has waned.  Probably a good thing.

Now a culinary school graduate we wait and watch.  Where will she fly to next?  There are hints in the air of a possible move.  A move that will take her far away from the nest.  Though...she left the nest some time ago.  The empty spaces that she once filled with dance music, high energy, the comings and goings of friends, making huge messes in the kitchen while baking, cakes, cookies, cupcakes and tempting us with fattening goodies, there is palpable silence.  Calm.  Quiet.  Too quiet.  Too much house, not enough Julie.

Turning 21 today, Julie is in New York with her Vermont born boy friend, enjoying some special time in one of the most vibrant places on the planet.  She loves New York.  My California born baby girl is falling in step with an inner calling and one which may change her life and mine. 

There is no turning back the clock, no stopping the winds of change that will take place.  There is a little dust on her baby photos hanging on the wall, as I look into those almond brown baby eyes, looking back at me with a smile that beams a life energy that is all her own.   The high school graduation photo, one of three in a row, all smiles...all three gone now to seek their own life choices, carve out their destiny, forge ahead in careers, finding mates, living their lives.

Through the pride and happiness I feel, there is still a stubborn saddness and emptiness in one corner of my heart.  How could it not be?  My baby is gone.  She is a grown woman and now she is 21.  She is on her way to greater independence as she dances, bakes, works, grows, loves her way forward.  She is in for the ride of her life, beginning today...and tomorrow. 

 I wish her nothing but the best life has to offer her.  I know that she will go for it, grab it, embrace all that she chooses and run with it.  More than anything else, I send her on her way with her mother's love.  Loads and loads of limitless love, hope and a prayer for her happiness, safety and protection as she continues to navigate her life.

Happy 21st Birthday, Julie!

You will always be my baby girl!

Be so safe.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo