Most folks start their day off with a nice cup of coffee or tea.

My day started off with startling news and alerts in my in box:

Let's just say, I was hoping for some good news from family or friends, some activity on my latest OS posting...heck I'd have settled for a few Facebook notifications!

Instead, I was perfunctorily greeted by urgent messages that required my immediate attention!

1.  It seems that my recent hip replacement surgery has been met with a serious recall, necessitating the retaining of a specialized law firm to handle my claim.  

Not to mention, another surgery to remove the recalled hip replacement parts and replaced with another set of potentially hazardous parts, likely to be recalled sometime in the future?  Really?

News Flash!  I have my hips.  Intact.  So far!  Just felt them.  Yep, they are still attached, hanging in there, operating when needed and with no aspirations for upgrading to new hips, complete with state of the art steel screws and absolutely no guarantees for longevity or functionality.

Nope.  I'm good there.   (so far)

2.  cashforiphones -  "Will buy old or broken iPhones."  

Yes, I am sure they will, but I'm thinking it's Apple's problem, based on the pricy additional warranty I bought at the time I purchased my little 3G pet. Don't mess with my iPhone!  The one thing I have come to rely on and cannot live without.  That's dangerous thinking, brought on by "the man" and "truth in advertising."

3.   Moneynews.com - "Bailed out Banks on Brink of Bankruptcy!"   Don't even get me started on that one!  Best I can say, it's a damn good alliteration.

4.   Meet Singles in Your Area...Asian Singles Want to Meet You...Singles over 50... (Now that is never going to happen!)  Latino Singles - Latino Dates Await... These are just a recipe for disaster for my marriage and clearly are intended for the male version of me?   Seriously, I am neither male or gay.  So, "Hot Babes in Your Area" will simply not fly my kite.

5.   Social Profile - "Who's Searching for YOU?" -  No way, buster! Look me up on OS or FB.  Or Google me then!  Knock yourself out!  That's as close as you're going to get!  And no, I do not "Tweet!"

6.   500 Color Business Cards for $1.99 - Not falling for this one again!  Still have 476 left from the last batch, all with an obsolete business phone number on them!  Gives me such a professional edge to hand these out with the black line through the phone number.  I don't like to waste anything.  Trying to be "green" here!  (lingering Catholic guilt)

7.  Your Body - Stay Healthy with Regular Exercise - Easy for them to say!  Do they even know how tiring it gets to keep saying, "Can't do that anymore?!"  (times 5)  My body is nobody's business but mine.  I wake up, get out of bed on my own volition, make it downstairs with the help of the banister to prevent me from falling daily, pick up the remote to see what the weather is going to bring (looking outside takes a leap of faith), make a pot of coffee, reach up into the cupboard for my favorite cup, open fridge for milk and juice, stand, stretch and wait for coffee to brew, fill my cup and walk over to my comfy chair, turn on my laptop, sit, stand, ease on into the chair and take that first steeped gulp of joe, get my fingers moving across the key board and find enlightenment an arms length away.  So you see, I do exercise:  lift weights, do stairs, walk, stretch, suck in my abs, read and write, avoid falling,   And that's just the first 10 minutes of my day.

8.  Right Bra Right Attitude - "Supportive and Sexy Bras" -   OK, this one really did catch my eye.  I am in the market for a nice new bra so I bit and surveyed the link and a world of every bra by every bra manufacturer which appeared before me, except the one bra shown on the front of the ad.  The perfect bra, in a lovely shade of grass green, all lacy, tiny bows in the right places, underwire for perfect lift and 'bubble-licious boobies'.  Well, the ones in the ad were, at least.  This was the bra for me. No joke.  I covet this bra.  I will scroll, click and buy this bra in a heart beat but I can't find it to save my life.  Not happening.  No such bra exists, except in my imagination, apparently.  (turd cakes!)  And as I always say, "It's all about the bra."  It's not the breasts.  Young or old, natural or implanted, lifted, reduced, enhanced, enlarged, whatever...it's the right bra that matters most.  I'm over it.  It doesn't exist. Not meant to be.  Doggone come on ads!  ("falsie" advertising)

9.   Spy Cameras - "Keep an Eye on Your Most Valuable Possessions:  SPY NOW!"  Are you kidding?  Have we stooped this low that we would spend thousands of dollars to spy on our loved ones, the nanny, house cleaner, the dog and the cat?!  What do we think they are going to do?  Miss a spot?  Try on our underwear and perfume?  Sleep all day?  Wow.  "Fools rush in" to buy this uber non-essential yuppy toy and fetish for voyeurism and playing "Big Brother!"  Talk about your disposable income (who even has that? Or a nanny or house cleaner, for that matter) and a colossal waste of money?   Volunteer time at an animal shelter, blood bank or soup kitchen, for crying out loud.  "Spy Now?!"  Going to hell in a hand basket with this one!

10.   ~Inspiration by God Newsletter~ - Daily inspirations to Guide Us...  OK, the cat's out of the bag.  I did, in fact, sign up for this a long time ago, in a weakened condition.  It happens.  Now I can't make it go away.  God is watching me and I can't bring myself to delete God in any form.  Sounds like triple bad karma or cosmic colliding of the planets rising in my sign or something much worse.  Can't do it.  Really shouldn't even classify this as "junk mail" should I?  Now I've gone and done it.  A thousand fiery comets will rain down on my head when I least expect it, as retribution for my willful and wrongful ways.  I am forever cursed.  

Junk mail is the least of my worries!  

I will spare you the other 30 plus entries that flood the ether on any given day.  I am certain you have more than your share as well.  They come to us unsolicited, without malice and with certain intent.  They are there to taunt and tease us.  To test our strength of will.  Our addictions.  There is something for everyone.  And just one click away.  Odds are in their favor. Like a slot machine or Black Jack table.  In the end, the house always wins.