Nothin’ Like Makin’ Bacon!

“Every morning I wake up and I smoke a cigarette, and then I eat five strips of bacon.  And for lunch I eat a bacon sandwich, and for a midday snack, bacon, a whole damn plate.  And I usually drink my dinner.” 

Grandpa Gustafson (Burgess Meredith) in “Grumpier Old Men”

One reason bacon is sizzling hot now is because chefs love it.  “I would guess if you asked 100 chefs about their top five foods, bacon would be among them,” said Miale Carpenter of Food Network Magazine.   “They practically tattoo themselves with bacon.”

Watch this nice warm family moment from “That 70’s Show.”   Let’s celebrate with bacon!

You can bring home the bacon and start the day with Bacon Cinnamon Rolls, a dish that consists of a gooey frosted cinnamon roll coiled around a crispy strip of bacon.  Or try Bacon Cereal.  It’s not bacon flavored cereal, but a bowl of chopped bacon with blue cheese dressing acting as milk with bacon bits floating on top.

“There can be little doubt that bacon was in the larder of the Mayflower when the first pilgrims came to America in 1620,” culinary authority James Villas writes, adding that Colonial cooks used bacon to flavor stews, soups and “otherwise bland, starchy dishes.”

The United States is in a state of bacon mania with Baconnaise; a mayonnaise spread, chocolate covered bacon, the Bacon Explosion; a pork dish consisting of bacon that is wrapped around a filling of spiced sausage and bacon bits, chicken-fried bacon and for recipes, join the Bobby Flay “Bacon of the Month Club.”     

For the love of swine and sweet, you might try Uncle Oinker’s Savory Bacon Mints, but will they leave a greasy mess in your hand?  Most people like Gummy Bears but, Gummy Bacon doesn’t even sound good; a gummy, gooey, sticky mess that tastes like bacon.  Bacon Chocolate Bars; why destroy the taste of two great flavors by combining them?

The Bacon Martini has the honor of being the greasiest cocktail to sip on.  Rim the edge of a frosted Martini glass with bacon grease.  In a cocktail shaker, mix 3 oz. vodka, a dash of Tabasco, and a dash of olive juice and shake well.  Wipe the excess grease off the glass rim and pour the Bacon Martini into the glass.  Garnish with a slice of crisp bacon and an apple slice.  I bet there are people who wouldn’t even want to remember drinking that weird concoction.  There’s also the Bacon-Infused Old Fashioned with Bourbon and maple syrup.  

But wait, you can squeeze the bacon or roll it out of a can!  Squeez Bacon is a fully cooked 100% bacon paste product developed in Sweden.  It is good when eaten on sandwiches, soups, pasta or pizza and eat it hot or cold and sells for $8 a bottle.  Bacon in a Can has a shelf life of 10 years but, would you trust it after all that time?  All you have to do is pull it out of the can, unroll the packaging and you have up to 50 slices of pre-cooked bacon!  You’ll never be without bacon again!

Feeling porkasmic?  Have a strip of Candied Bacon, made of only brown sugar and bacon.  Then grab a handful of Popcorn Flavored with Bacon.  I’ve actually eaten this and it’s just popcorn popped in bacon fat with bits of bacon added. 

Now, you dessert lovers can pig out on Bundt Cake with bacon, Bacon Peanut Butter Cookies, Maple Syrup Pudding with Bacon, Maple-Bacon Ice Cream or Bacon Brownies.  Then there’s Bacon Lemon Bars and Bacon Sugar Cookies. 

Here’s a recipe combining bacon and caramel sauce:

Bacon Pecan Caramel Ice Cream Balls

This recipe was created by Christine Ilarraza at Central Market and incorporates bacon from the new bacon menu in the Fort Worth and Dallas stores' meat departments.

½ lb. of Nodine's Smokehouse Honey Bacon

1 pint Central Market Organics Vanilla ice cream 

1 cup toasted pecans, chopped fine

1½ cups caramel or chocolate sauce

Steps: Heat an iron skillet over medium-high heat. Fry the bacon strips until crispy. Remove with a slotted spoon to paper towel-lined platter and allow to cool. Crumble the bacon.

Blend the bacon crumbles and the pecans on a flat surface such as a plate.

While firm, scoop the ice cream into packed ice cream balls. Roll the ice cream balls in the pecan and bacon mixture until well coated. Pop them into a glass dish and drizzle generously with caramel sauce.

As if all of this isn’t enough, there are numerous bacon products not for human consumption.  For your “owie”, we have Bacon Adhesive Bandages and you might try Bacon Lip Balm and Bacon Dental Floss or you can pick the bacon out of your teeth with Bacon Toothpicks. 

For iphone lovers, there’s “Pocket Bacon,” an ap that fries bacon, virtually of course. You click on the icon and hear the bacon sizzle away as it fries in a skillet.   It also gives you the option of a variety of skillets; an old one, a micro, a scratched one and even a giant skillet.  Click on the screen, more bacon appears and then you can arrange it in the skillet by moving your finger around.  Double-click on a strip, it disappears and then you hear someone munching away on it.  But wait, it does even more!  Click on the toolbar at the bottom, a newspaper appears with all the internet bacon news.  With one click of the locator icon, an establishment near you that serves bacon appears.

Just imagine your house or car having the aroma of fried bacon!  You can, with the Bacon Air Freshener. 

And girls to make you really squeal, there’s Bacon Lube, ‘nuff said about that!

Gertrude Baines has been doing little but eating and sleeping lately and she deserves it as she is the world’s oldest known woman at 115 years of age.  Baines was born to former slaves in a small town south of Atlanta, GA in 1894 and now lives in a nursing home in Los Angeles. 

Imagine her living before the airplane existed or aspirin was invented.  Before an electric iron, television, crossword puzzle or a zipper was invented.  She could have even made a phone call to Alexander Graham Bell himself.  Not only has she been alive during three centuries, Gertrude has made it through the civil rights movement, proudly voted for Barack Obama and lived to see the first African American President.  Baines received a letter from President Obama wishing her a happy birthday.

Mrs. Baines told Huffinton Post she “owes her longevity to the Lord, that she never did drink, that she never did smoke and she never did fool around.”  However, what really separates Gertrude’s longevity from others is that she really credits her longevity to “religious faith, doing the right thing and the occasional piece of crispy bacon.”

So good folks of OS, eat that bacon!  You just might be amazed how long you can live.

  There’s even Bacon works of art.  The painting “Triptych, 1976” by Francis Bacon (1909-92) set an all time high as the largest amount of money a contemporary painting has sold for in auction.  In 2008, it sold for $92 million at Sotheby’s New York City.

You haven’t heard everything yet though!  Have you ever seen anyone wearing bacon?  The Bacon Bra is an all natural product and wire free for comfort.  Guys, you and your girl can enjoy a day at the beach and watch her bacon sizzle!

Now fry those strips up and tell me how you like your bacon!