It was heralded as the wedding of the century, a rare love match of royals.

The bride, 16 year-old English Princess Elizabeth Stuart, was actually eager to wed her groom, 19 year-old Frederick, Elector Palatine of the Rhine. Frederick was just happy his bride was intelligent and lovely.

Elizabeth's mother, Anne of Denmark, certainly wished her daughter had chosen a nice Catholic boy, but her father, King James I (of The King James Bible fame) was thrilled.  With this match, the Protestant movement in Europe was strengthened:  this wedding was a statement of England's foreign policy under his reign.

The planned fetes for this St. Valentine's Day, 1613, wedding eventually became known as King James's grandest public events.

Portrait of Elizabeth by Nicholas Hilliard, that actually shows the beauty she was known for.

The merriment went on and on:  the events were grandly staged but poorly organized, the costs eventually bankrupted the royal treasury. The current royal wedding's festivities seem like a well-timed garden party in comparison to these 400 year-old elaborate celebrations.

For several weeks prior to the wedding itself, plays had been staged-- at least fourteen in all-- many performed by The King's Men and written by Shakespeare. Poems were created, music was written, nightly bonfires were lit, and costly gifts were presented. 

Crowds had swarmed to London from all corners of the kingdom to see this literal wedding of the century. During the few days leading up to the event, London's highlight of pre-wedding pageantry began. Crowds gathered on the banks of the Thames, eager for three days of fireworks, revelry, and grandest of all, the staged sea battles of the Venetians beating the Turks at Algiers*. 

A mock town had been raised on the banks of the Thames, opposite Whitehall Palace. Thirty-six sea vessels were created for two events, 500 rivermen and 1000 musketeers were requisitioned, with four floating castles to house the fireworks.

With the royals watching from Whitehall Palace windows, the first performance, a fireworks extravaganza, began. Thirty-six cannonballs of fire shot up in the air and exploded, descending as thousands of tiny fiery balls of rain. Large figures appeared, towed by one of the vessels:  St. George with his lance, a young Amazon maiden, and an immense dragon.

For half an hour St. George and the dragon hurled fire at each other as the maiden gazed on awaiting rescue, until the dragon exploded in flame. Planned or not, St. George and the maiden then also caught fire and were slowly consumed by flames, their remains sinking into the river.

When the smoke cleared, a fiery comet burst forth from the waters which transformed into a grand finale of a fiery stag being pursued by hunters and dogs of fire across the sky, much to the delight of the mostly intoxicated audience. 

An engraving of a statue of St. George, shown as a Roman centurion, slaying the Dragon from "Magazine of Art Illustrated, 1878." 

Two days later, on the wedding eve, the river show began again with the siege:  seventeen "Turkish Galleys" sailed up the river to bombard the mock town. Guns were being shot, hundreds of cannons were blasted, but not much else happened in this second staging. This performance was so inferior to the fireworks display, the royals grew bored-- likely they were also temporarily deaf and blinded with smoke. The performance was cut short and audiences went off grumbling...and off to drink.

For their troubles, 'unacceptable amounts' of the amateur cast of rivermen and musketeers lost their fingers, hands, or an eye or two in these wedding eve celebrations. 

Seventeenth century rendering of a Turkish Galley. 

The wedding itself was held in the chapel at Whitehall Palace.

A 1628 rendering of Whitehall Palace by Inigo Jones, site of Elizabeth and Frederick's wedding in 1613.  

(Elizabeth's brother, Charles I, was executed here in 1649, ushering in the Cromwellian era.)

 The Princess was wearing a gown of silver cloth, richly embroidered with mythological creatures, crosses, and other symbols. Her crown was of gold, encrusted with diamonds and pearls, with pendants of more diamonds and pearls cascading down her back to her waist.

Elizabeth in her wedding finery... 

The Prince Palatine, who had entered first, wore silver as well, embroidered with gold and diamonds. He was crowned with a plumed hat that was looped with strands of diamonds.

...and Frederick in his wedding attire, minus the plumed hat 'dripping with diamond ropes'. 

There was a dinner for 100 members of royalty that evening, culminating in a masque-- a popular form of musical play where actors wore masks -- presented by Thomas Campion. 

The next day the royal parents, King James and Queen Anne, visited the newly married couple and presented them with more private gifts of costly jewels. 

On the second day following the wedding ceremony, Sir Francis Bacon had planned yet another evening masque, with a ceremonial entrance by the royal couple arriving by royal barge. Unfortunately, when the couple arrived, the scene of the entertainment was so overfull of spectators and well-wishers wanting a glimpse of the couple, that there was no room for the royal entourage, much less for the royal couple.

The expected dancing was out of the question as well in the crush of eager humanity, so the couple retreated again as they had arrived -- without any celebration at all.

Can you picture Sir Francis Bacon chasing after the retreating couple?

"But Your Highnesses, we'll find room for you!"

This same exact event was re-set for two nights later, but as the audience had already seen the royal couple's party attire, no one attended the second event, and again the royal couple retreated without celebration. 

At this point the royal exchequer (treasury) was empty. King James had to make bargains with the nobility who had been promised repayment when there were no funds left to deliver. In one case the King, in exchange for payment, offered the patent to coin brass farthings to one angry and suddenly broke noble. (He wasn't penniless for long with that patent.)

All further expected celebratory events were abruptly cancelled, Frederick's family were told to leave the provided-for housing a week early, causing no end to Elizabeth's mortification. King James himself left London to save face and headed for his newly built palace at Newmarket.

Regardless of celebratory fiascos, the marriage of Elizabeth and Frederick-- who later briefly reigned as The Winter King and Queen of Bohemia-- was a success. They remained happy for all of Frederick's life and had nine children together.

Sophia of Hanover, youngest child of Elizabeth and Frederick.

All reigning British monarchs from George I to today are descended through Elizabeth and Frederick's youngest daughter, Sophia-- including Queen Elizabeth II and the future kings: Prince Charles and Prince William.

*  Historical facts seem to merge in this staging of events, as the Venetians did not win over the Turks at Algiers, but rather during The Battle of Lepanto thirty years later, which was not located at Algiers. 

 The National Portrait Gallery has this about the portrait, "Painted at the time of her marriage to Frederick, Elector Palatine, this portrait probably shows Elizabeth in her wedding dress. The royal coat of arms and the heraldic lion and unicorn can be seen on her lace collar. The black arm band is in memory of her brother, Henry, Prince of Wales, who had died the previous year."