My previous blog post really had me thinking about back when I was a child. I recently spent a little time at my parents’ house looking through some old photo albums, then went back and borrowed a few of them when folks asked me to post my Green Lantern Halloween costume picture from when I was 11. The more I looked through the pictures, though, the more I wondered about that whole advice thing I said I hated doing. Given the chance, what would I say to myself at such a young age? What advice would I give? What would I say to someone who looked like this?
(***Some RSS Feeds or Blog Sites may not include the pictures I posted on my own site’s blog.***)
What could I say to me? Knowing everything I know now, is there any wisdom I could impart on him to make his life easier? To make him happier? The truth is…I’d tell him nothing. I wouldn’t say a thing. Anything I did would change everything I’ve experienced and become over the years. It wouldn’t make me appreciate anything better at that age than I did. Love my parents more? Love my dogs more? It would cheat me out of everything I’ve learned since then. I wouldn’t have learned to appreciate what I had or eventually would have.
I mentioned before that I wasn’t very good in art class. I sucked, actually, and I wasn’t much better in Cub Scouts. Yup, I was in Cub Scouts. Imagine that. And that was before they were kicking us out and telling us we couldn’t be part of the pack. Maybe I couldn’t build an airplane, but I could smile.
Did you know I was on the safety squad in grade school?
Or that I loved playing Atari with my father?
This is all me. These are the memories and pictures of a child who grew up…a gay child who grew up. No, I wasn’t into sports, but I loved me some Star Wars! I could draw Colonial Vipers from Battlestar Galactica (the only thing I could draw, by the way). I watched TV, went to movies, did my homework and longed for summer vacation despite my mother having an unerring need to buy workbooks and make me keep up on lessons. Grrr…
So what does any of this have to do with the here and now? Some of you have children of your own. There’s a chance that one of them might be gay. And, if so, my advice to you is to do the same as my parents did for me. They didn’t treat me different. They never said a thing because there wasn’t a need to. I found myself. All they did was urge me to do my best and to be my best no matter what that would be. They loved me and continued to love me. They comforted me when I was hurt, talked me up when I was down and brought me down when I was a bit too high up.
Sure, it was a different time, but had someone made an issue of my nature, I have no doubt that my parents would have supported me. Lucky for us all that it never happened.
And if it did? I might have put them at ease. You have to admit…can I mug a camera shot or what?
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Kage Alan is the Ridley Scott’s Legend watching, Frankie Goes To Hollywood listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He is currently up past his bedtime loading the blog post despite an absolutely grueling day.
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Comments
My parents were very loving, and though they never said anything directly to me regarding being gay, I do know my parents felt disappointed because they always wanted to have grandchildren. My mother and I had such a conversation once, and expressed to me how she felt. Still, they were always supportive to the best of their abilities, and never stopped loving me for being gay.
It is time for people to put aside their prejudice about gay people, and embrace our differences just for what they are. A gay person is born gay, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You can try to derail this person's mission, but in the end, he will regain control of his life (if he hasn't been messed up to the point of no return), and will proceed with the mission and path it decided to take before being born.
By the way, your father doesn't look necessarily gay to me...
It's really jus that simple.
It is valuable in that it indicates so clearly that gay people don't become gay because of abusing or broken families. That they grow up doing all the usual kid things, in the usual kid ways. In other words, they're perfectly normal in all respects.
I too, when young, had a hard time accepting gay people as 'normal', average, everyday folks who bit their fingernails, got scabs on their knees, climbed trees, read books, played baseball, and did all of those things that kids did if it interested them.
I was accused of being gay because I hated contact or team sports with a passion. I would prefer to read a book any time. I wasn't gay but being accused of being gay made me hate gay people a lot. Instead of blaming my accusers, I blamed those I was accused of being part of. Yeah, stupid, but I have since discovered that this sort of thing often happens.
It was only when a very close long-time friend, whom I had never suspected was gay, came out that I had to grow up and decide which was most important - the gayness of my friend or the friendship with my friend.
I still have gay friends; and lesbian friends too. I am pleased to have them as my friends. They are good friends. Not because they are gay but because they are good people. And I need all the good people in my life that I can find. I may never know of all the difficulties they have had to deal with - but then I don't know that about my straight friends either.
PS
I don't know whether or not your dad looks gay - what exactly does a gay person 'look' like?
(*ᴥ*)
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Second, thank you to everybody who read this post and took the time to comment on it. I am extremely appreciative and a little embarrassed that I didn't see them until this morning.
To answer Adam's question below, no, my father isn't gay. Even with his Alzheimer's, the things that are coming up are almost anti-gay, but it's not his fault. It's the disease.