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Kage Alan

Kage Alan
Detroit, Michigan, US
June 19
Kage Alan is the Detroit-based author of comedic novels A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins and Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell. Additional info can be found at KageAlan.com

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JUNE 21, 2012 5:00AM

Confessions Of A Recently Semi-Finely Aged 42 Year Old

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Birthdays have always been a big thing in my family. It would be easy to chalk it up to me being an only child and my parents overcompensating a bit, only my mother’s side of the family has always done them up with style, class and fun. I believe, perhaps, it had to do with them having so little good in life growing up, so they created it where they could. It’s a tradition that I’ve been happy to carry on, though it’s been much to Pookie’s annoyance. His family never really celebrate birthdays like we did. Maybe it was because his father was military or maybe because they didn’t have much money, but he and I are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum on this one. heh heh heh It may not have helped my cause this year since I had a bet going with several friends on Facebook as to whether or not he’d remember it was my birthday. Let me explain…

The love of my life has an incredible, adorable, cute head for making long-term plans, establishing long-term goals and planning for the future. I…well, I don’t. He handles the later and I handle the now. I think that’s why we’re so yin and yang, tiger and dog, first class and coach, master and white guy, top and bottom…er…you know what I mean. Anyway, it’s a bit of a rarity that he remembers someone’s birthday and that’s where I come in. I remind him and if he’s feeling benevolent, he’ll call and wish them well. If he’s not, I’ll bug him until he is feeling benevolent, calls and wishes them well. But when it comes to my own, it’s a bit of a crap shoot, no pun intended. He did remember when I called to get him up at 6:30 a.m.. Surprised the hell out of me and yup, I lost the bet.

The stack of sixteen birthday cards.

One change this year with celebrating my birthday is the recent reconnecting between my grandmother and me. We’ve spent the last sixteen years in silence, both of us carrying a grudge and feeling the other was the absolute scourge of the earth. It’s funny how not speaking can exacerbate a problem. But that’s behind us and when I stopped by there with my parents after lunch for a piece of cake, she held a small wrapped package over my head and asked me to guess what it was. I thought it might be a pillowcase or t-shirt, but I was wrong for the second time that day. It was a stack of sixteen birthday cards, one for every year we didn’t celebrate together. Gotta say it was kind of emotional.

A friend of mine texted me later that evening and asked what I was doing. I was cleaning…in my underwear…you know, because it was so hot out and, darn it, I have a nice bum. He asked why I was spending my birthday cleaning. Because it had to be done and I wasn’t going back out in the heat. He then wondered if Pookie was going to give me a little striptease over Skype. I laughed and inquired as to when he developed a sense of humor. He wasn’t sure why I responded that way, so I had to explain it was because my guy had wished me a happy birthday that morning. In my husband’s mind, we’re now good until 2013.


Yes, I have my work cut out for me, but it’s so worth it. That and maybe one day I will get that little striptease…in person!

Kage Alan is  the Blade watching, Ego Likeness listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He’s had it with the past two 90+ degree days, and an additional one more coming tomorrow. It’s annoying, he’s not into sweating–he’s REALLY not into sweating–and he has no desire to go out and walk like he’s been doing.

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Oh my gosh! I missed your birthday!! Happy, happy birthday! Once again I am Pookie. I hope you have a great year and I will eat some butterbeer ice cream in your honor.

Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday!
Funny and poignant. And Belated Happy Birthday!

I followed the Muse over...
Thank you, both. =) I get to see him in a couple of weeks for 3 days and I'm kinda geeked, then I probably won't see him again until August.
Yay for seeing Pookie! (And I love the heat.)
I'm sorry I missed your birthday. It sounds as though it was a good one.

Happy belated birthday!