The more I read last Monday’s post, the more I realized I was concentrating on recent Blu-Ray releases (minus the bits about Elvira, but, really, how can you talk about Halloween and NOT mention Elvira?) instead on films in my collection that have given me a solid ol’ scare through the years. Not that The Funhouse didn’t scare me. It did. It’s still a little uncomfortable for me to watch. But, you know, that was Monday. Get ready for a few flicks that left this author…well, wishing he’d watched them with a few more people around. I’m no wuss, but I’m not that intelligent sometimes either.

Insidious
A film I’d read about and even saw for sale–but didn’t buy because I just wasn’t sure if it would be worth the money–happened to be available on a flight I took to go see the husband. It’s called Insidious and let me tell you…the hair on my arms were standing up during this one! James Wan not only delivered an old fashioned ghost story with a twist, he scared the living hell out of me without blood and guts. What’s it about? Not all houses are haunted. Sometimes…it’s the child! Don’t worry. That wasn’t a spoiler. The only thing the film suffers from is a weak final act, which I’m guessing is due to budget constraints. Still, how can you not watch it knowing how freaking adorably cute the director is? And yes, I bought it. Seriously, give Insidious a watch!

Yes, people tend to find themselves so tormented after meeting me that I should be featured in paranormal Japanese films. I could be the future of Japan horror!

Paranormal Activity
Please, roll your eyes at my including this one on my list, especially if you haven’t see it yet. I would if I read it on yours. Why? I’d be all about calling you pathetic for elevating such a low-budget film by saying it scared you. Sadly, the truth is I watched this on my laptop while in bed one night and damn if I didn’t lose three nights of sleep over it. Seriously. Every goddamn noise in the flat had me on edge! A simple idea has yet to be done quite so cleverly as this and you’ll never look at the closet that leads to the attic the same way again. Ironically, the Blu-Ray features the theatrical ending and alternate ending, neither of which I saw until buying the Blu-Ray. The ending I saw was quite a bit different. Of course, had they kept that ending, they wouldn’t have been able to write Paranormal Activity 2 and 3 the way they did. And no, I haven’t seen 4 yet.

Cabin In The Woods
Love it or hate (most people are one extreme or the other), but I loved Cabin In The Woods. I had no idea what it was about, didn’t see the theatrical trailer before going in, and just sat there with a huge look of WTF is going on throughout most of it. Okay, I’ll admit that I hated the end the first time I saw it. Subsequent viewings have allowed it to grow on me, but I’m still not overly thrilled with it. Imagine every cliche about a group of horny teens traveling to a cabin in the woods where all hell breaks loose. Now imagine all those cliches be used on purpose instead of through bad writing. Exactly. Brilliant! Director Drew Goddard was asked if he was going to do a sequel to which he replied with something along the lines of “Did you watch the end of my movie?” Okay, but Drew, how about a prequel? Can you imagine how much fun you could have bringing the folks back in the control room and watching the Japanese triumph again and again and again? You’ll laugh, jump and possibly have a movement, all at the same time.

I’m thinking “This guy could snap my neck so easily!” and poor Kane Hodder is thinking “The gay guy likes horror movies? I don’t know how to feel about this.”

Friday the 13th
Skip the crappy remake. The only thing decent about that one was the presence of actor Aaron Yoo despite his not doing a nude scene or even appearing shirtless. So glad I had a free ticket since he didn’t show any skin. I’d have otherwise paid to see it…maybe even twice. That aside, Sean S. Cunningham’s original still sends a little ol’ jolt to the heart while watching it. Why? Because it looks so damn real. The camp is real, the characters act like normal people, the mayhem is juicy red, and Harry Manfredini’s score is scary as hell. And that ending? I literally jumped off the couch the first time I saw it. You just aren’t going to beat the original, though I did like Part 2 and Part 4. Oh, and best Jason EVER? Kane Hodder!

The Changeling
This starts off looking and acting like a typical seventies film, only it doubles as part of its charm as well as misleading anybody watching it. I’ll tell you right up, too, that I will NOT watch this one by myself! George C. Scott is superb as a music teacher who lost his wife and daughter in a tragic accident. He tries picking up the pieces by accepting a position at a university and moving into a giant, furnished house that hasn’t had anybody living it in a very, very long time. But what are those strange noises and where are they coming from? Is the house haunted or is a presence there trying to reach out to him? If you find out, do it with company. Don’t be a dipshit like me and watch it alone. And don’t watch it with an Asian. Ghosts aren’t their thing and they’ll yell at your ass for it.

So there you have it, five films from a rather long list of films I pulled from. Are these the only ones that have scared me over the years? No, but they are the ones that came to mind.

Tell me, what movie scared you THE MOST?

Creepy hug noises,

Kage (who’s really not creepy)

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Kage Alan is  The Puppet Masters watching, Pet Shop Boys listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” Oh, dear Lord…how did he wind up involved in submitting another short story for another anthology? One was enough! Yet, it’s still a REALLY good idea and from a career standpoint, having his name mixed in with some bigger names will give him a shot at finding a wider audience. Plus, okay, he can write another humorous tale of adventure and romance! In fact, he might already have one in mind.