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Kaleb Blake

Kaleb Blake
Marin County, California, U.S.
September 11
Legal Secretary
I'm 22 years old. At this point in my life, that's all I can be sure of.

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NOVEMBER 16, 2010 4:09AM

You Are Not My Hag

Rate: 2 Flag

Now, unless you're Karen Walker--the ultimate "hag," then please don't consider yourself mine.

First, what is a hag? Well, it's the best friend (most typically some kind of single metropolitan woman) of a gay guy. From my experience they vary in personality, butthis doesn't go to say that there aren't some common traits. As with our lovely friend "Kare-Kare," hags are often relentless, openly sexual, and strong minded women. This a a great thing. Hags are often the shoulder the closeted gay man can lean on when times are rough. However, they can also be the ones to throw or "pull" someone out of the closet. At any rate, they're there for the gay best friends, and for the most part, they are helpful--or at least they would like to think so.

Here's where my gripe comes into play. I hate hags. If you're a gay man's best friend (and are a woman)--I don't necessarily hate you. I just hate the idea of a hag--especially they're modern adaptation of the Manifest Destiny, conquering every small town with rainbows in glitter with their "fags." Harsh, I know--but I have such a huge disdain for rainbows. It's likethis, aren't we reaching apoint in society where we're trying to break free of stereotypes and gender binaries? Why can't a single woman with a gay best be just that--a single woman with a gay best friend.

I'm all about appreciating the masculine and the feminine in whichever way its being portrayed. That's the beauty of 2010, people get to openly (well, more so than even a decade ago) play with these concepts--or any intersection of the two. The last thing we need is a group of privileged (by virtue of their heterosexuality) women "outting" (another long conversation ahead) or pulling men out of the closet and forcing them to be "gay and proud." That's just tacky, let people do that on their own terms please.

 There are so many influences out there for people who aren't "out" yet. They're looking for people to confide in. From my experience--be it in real life or seeing things on TV--hags have a particularly annoying way ofsaying "Miss thing--you're gay and proud, be you!" While I can see the good intention in that, the defining of these men for them may do moredamage than needed.

So hags, don't be self-righteous. In fact, don't be a hag. If you're a gay guy's best friend--be just that. Name it what it is--a lovely friendship.



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Nicely done. I couldn't agree more - just people, just friends...why all these labels and cliches and preconceived notions - I find it all very limiting and uncomfortable. Well-written.