Just Awful

(Even this title is stolen.)
JANUARY 20, 2010 5:24PM

Dirty Dancing in Beantown: "Nobody Puts MA in a Corner!"

Rate: 23 Flag

Dear Massachusetts,


I'm just sitting here in my bedroom, flipping through old photographs of the months I spent in 2004 living in Worcester, trying to figure out for myself how a state whose ultra cool historical legacy of sticking it to The Man could be so quickly undone by electing that sexy hunk of Republican man-meat, Scott Brown.
Was it the hair?
The smoldering eyes?
The um ... rippling pectorals?


Wait, I know:  Brown is the bad-boy renegade the Kennedy daddies warned you to stay away from, making him all the more irresistible. I'm just going to stick with that explanation, because at least it's one I can relate to (in my dreams, anyway). Nobody puts Massachusetts in a corner. I get it.

The trouble with that though is that YOU used to be the renegade. Now you just suck.

When everyone else was living under the oppressive exploitation of the British, you were the first among the colonies to tell King George where to go. Adams, Franklin, and Emerson are your sons (not to mention Joe Perry...). You were at the forefront of abolition when everyone else was making money hand over fist with slave labor. Gay Marriage? FU Red States, the Bay State is going fabulous. Hell, you toppled the almighty Yankee empire by forcing a record game 7 after being down 3 games for chrissakes! That is the Massachusetts I know and love. You are scrappers rising from the bottom to the top, and you don't take no shit.

Until last night's election, that is. Boy, did you ever drink the Kool-Aid, and now you very well may have screwed it for the rest of us, and by "us" I mean that obscure swath of non-insured, under-insured, and overspent middle states that everyone seems to be experts on but nobody really seems to understand.

I should have seen the writing on the wall in 2003 when you elected that creepy carpetbagger from our neck of the woods, Romney, for governor. Then again, he's also the guy that gave you the one thing you really wanted -- state sponsored health care. And what do ya know? It's working so well for you that you're all a little afraid the federal plan might just mess up your good thing -- perhaps less state coverage than you already have? Or maybe you just flat out didn't do your freaking homework. (Who has time when you're being romanced by Mr. Sexy, after all?)

I found this article in the HuffPost to be very enlightening. Particularly this part:

In a somewhat paradoxical finding, a plurality of voters who switched to the Republican -- 37 percent -- said that Democrats were not being "hard enough" in challenging Republican policies.

It would be hard to find a clearer indication, it seems, that Tuesday's vote was cast in protest.

The poll also upends the conventional understanding of health care's role in the election. A plurality of people who switched -- 48 -- and didn't vote -- 43 -- said that they opposed the Senate health care bill. But the poll dug deeper and asked people why they opposed it. Among Brown voters, 23 percent thought it went "too far" -- but 36 percent thought it didn't go far enough; 41 percent said they weren't sure why they opposed it.


Pardon the geek reference, but that's a little like Luke Skywalker getting pissed that Obi Wan Kanobi isn't being hard enough on Darth Vader, so Luke decides he's going to show him the rest of his Jedi Knights and go ahead and join the Dark Side. Actually, they made a movie that sort of had that story line. It was called "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" and it sucked, just like you suck now.

And as if that first batch of logic wasn't embarrassing enough for the MA electorate, the second half of the data is even worse. Let me just first say here that, even though I'm angry, I can actually understand why some of you would vote for Brown to oppose the federal bill -- I'm looking at you, those 36% people -- fearing that it would take away some of the good stuff from the state government that you already have. You gotta take care of your own, and I can respect that, even though I think you have terrible taste. But who the HELL are these 41 percent of the people opposing the health care bill but not being sure why you oppose it?? Forty-one percent?

41 *&!@# percent?!

You.
Fail.
Massachusetts.

Enjoy your sexy new boyfriend, and your state funded health insurance.


Massholes.

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humor, politics

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Comments

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Great post. Just the right mix of bile and good sense. And the Star Wars metaphor was so very clever.
Terrific writing, Kasey.
R
here here! Very clever, Kasey :)
Damn good writing. Massholes - love that!
Rated.
Great post!! Yeah, stupid Mass. PFFFT!!

Rated.
Ha! I spent my first honeymoon in Worcester at the Howard Johnson's by the Polar Soda Co. with that big polar bear waving at traffic on 290. The divorce was in Agawam.
First, quit reading HUPO, she's gone to the dark side, to the moon I think. Secondly, this is one election, and the sky ain't falling. The woman they put up against him I would have voted against am I a dye-hard liberal, from back in the stone age. She's the first politician in history that didn't believe in shaking hands. Oh, and everyone knows how much Curt Schilling loves the Yankees. First rule of politics. You don't know something, shut the fuck up. Now, we get our shit together and play hardball, and quit whining about losing a majority that Bush never had, and he passed everything under the sun. I like your writing, and you can see I'm opinionated, so lets be friend, OK, hah!
John: Thank you. Again.

Bonnie: David Duke looks like Scott Brown after taking a douche bath. A little more wrinkly, but essentially the same.

Chuck: Marriage in Detroit. Divorce in Worcester. God I miss Polar Soda.

Everyone else: thank you for reading. I love hearing your comments.
From one in MA to one in MI, it's a great piece. Why did Brown win? To paraphrase James Carville, it's the truck, stupid.
I have had it with blu today; he beat me to the punch once too many. So here it is. This is one of the two best, if not the best piece, I read on the subject. funny, smooth and concise. Very well thought out, wonderfully written. Rated.
Well Kasey you prove that Blumenthal is not a stopped clock. There is one thing you might be heartened to hear about Brown ... he voted for the state bill and stated today he supports doing something, but wants a better understanding of cost. No government health care initiative has come in on budget. Most are off by factors, rather than percentages. This is not an unreasonable request.

Bear with us. Republicans are people, too, you know. Massholes, not so much. :)
Gwool: Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. (And what does that mean anyway? Do you prefer pistols or swords?)
Brilliant analogy. Of course in the end the love affair didn't work out for Baby and Johnny Castle. So maybe there's hope for us yet. I voted for Coakley though he had to be the most desperately bad candidate ever, just off a radical charisma by-pass operation.
I don't follow politics but this is great. Rated for Luke Skywalker and Revenge of the Sith sucking ass.
Very snappy and clever. rated.
You come highly recommended by blumenthal and (excuse the pun, I seem to be on a rampage with them today) "writefully" so. Massholes was funny but the 41% is just downright frightening. You're sharp and funny. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Once again, evidence of the new found stupidity of the Mass...es.
Stupidity seems to be the new intellectualism across the US. You write very clearly and humorously why we seem to be in a downward spiral. Propoganda promulgated by ALL the media has been so very effective! 41% of the populace of Mass, not knowing why they oppose healthcare is astounding!
R
what penguin said. serves me right for being late getting here but i'll thank johnb. but what gwool (though a nice republican 'people') says? pffffffft. i'll be checking back.
Bluman's got good taste, like the Masshole theme! RRR
I've been out of the country for a month, but I do listen to John when he says, "Get over there!" So, here I am and I don't know the politics but I do know good and clever writing! Well done.
John, your friends are all intelligent, good looking, and have excellent taste. And I'm not just saying that because they like my stuff.

Ok I am.

Thoth, you are particularly good looking. Look me up if you're ever in Michigan. I've got some eggs to donate if you're at all interested. Kidding. Perhaps.

In all seriousness, being relatively new to OS, I can't say how much I appreciate you all taking the time to read my stuff. You all rock my world. I've returned the favor to many of your blogs (haven't gotten time yet to go to all) and I am shamefully flattered at your support, given the caliber of writing I've had the pleasure of reading. I don't want to lay it on too thick, but seriously, there is some really good stuff out there and I look forward to reading more.

Gwool, you strike me as a Republican I could actually tolerate, but I don't see anything happening from Brown as far as aiding any federal health care bill in any form. First, he's got way way too much political pressure from the GOP on his back, and secondly, I think any talk of a fair interest on his part is just lip service.

And I really hate to say this, but it appears everyone on here who is not Gwool is now in the minority. This from an article in USA Today uh... today:

"A 55% majority of Americans say President Obama and congressional Democrats should suspend work on the health care bill that has been on the verge of passage and consider alternatives that would draw more Republican support, a USA TODAY/Gallup Poll finds."

So I guess we are the real fail-bots in this political equation, for allowing the message to get screwed up by a bunch of circle jerking minority republicans and their insurance lobbyist stroke partners. (Hey -- you all were the ones who said I had a way with metaphor.)

This is all very personal for me because, although at age 32 I'm healthy as a horse (at least I think I am -- without insurance or money for a checkup I can't really be sure) I haven't had insurance in seven years. In fact, the last doctor I saw was for a discount pap smear at Planned Parenthood. (Sorry -- TMI? Oh well. Deal with it.) Maybe if at the time I would have slipped my doctor a couple more $20s she could have checked me above the waist.

I think what it all boils down to is that we live in a country that is still relatively adolescent compared to the rest of the world, and we still have the same screwed up priorities any teenager would have -- good and bad. Teenagers don't worry about their health care because they all know they are going to live forever.
I didn't even know the Sith was mad!