Dear Massachusetts,


I'm just sitting here in my bedroom, flipping through old photographs of the months I spent in 2004 living in Worcester, trying to figure out for myself how a state whose ultra cool historical legacy of sticking it to The Man could be so quickly undone by electing that sexy hunk of Republican man-meat, Scott Brown.
Was it the hair?
The smoldering eyes?
The um ... rippling pectorals?


Wait, I know:  Brown is the bad-boy renegade the Kennedy daddies warned you to stay away from, making him all the more irresistible. I'm just going to stick with that explanation, because at least it's one I can relate to (in my dreams, anyway). Nobody puts Massachusetts in a corner. I get it.

The trouble with that though is that YOU used to be the renegade. Now you just suck.

When everyone else was living under the oppressive exploitation of the British, you were the first among the colonies to tell King George where to go. Adams, Franklin, and Emerson are your sons (not to mention Joe Perry...). You were at the forefront of abolition when everyone else was making money hand over fist with slave labor. Gay Marriage? FU Red States, the Bay State is going fabulous. Hell, you toppled the almighty Yankee empire by forcing a record game 7 after being down 3 games for chrissakes! That is the Massachusetts I know and love. You are scrappers rising from the bottom to the top, and you don't take no shit.

Until last night's election, that is. Boy, did you ever drink the Kool-Aid, and now you very well may have screwed it for the rest of us, and by "us" I mean that obscure swath of non-insured, under-insured, and overspent middle states that everyone seems to be experts on but nobody really seems to understand.

I should have seen the writing on the wall in 2003 when you elected that creepy carpetbagger from our neck of the woods, Romney, for governor. Then again, he's also the guy that gave you the one thing you really wanted -- state sponsored health care. And what do ya know? It's working so well for you that you're all a little afraid the federal plan might just mess up your good thing -- perhaps less state coverage than you already have? Or maybe you just flat out didn't do your freaking homework. (Who has time when you're being romanced by Mr. Sexy, after all?)

I found this article in the HuffPost to be very enlightening. Particularly this part:

In a somewhat paradoxical finding, a plurality of voters who switched to the Republican -- 37 percent -- said that Democrats were not being "hard enough" in challenging Republican policies.

It would be hard to find a clearer indication, it seems, that Tuesday's vote was cast in protest.

The poll also upends the conventional understanding of health care's role in the election. A plurality of people who switched -- 48 -- and didn't vote -- 43 -- said that they opposed the Senate health care bill. But the poll dug deeper and asked people why they opposed it. Among Brown voters, 23 percent thought it went "too far" -- but 36 percent thought it didn't go far enough; 41 percent said they weren't sure why they opposed it.

Pardon the geek reference, but that's a little like Luke Skywalker getting pissed that Obi Wan Kanobi isn't being hard enough on Darth Vader, so Luke decides he's going to show him the rest of his Jedi Knights and go ahead and join the Dark Side. Actually, they made a movie that sort of had that story line. It was called "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" and it sucked, just like you suck now.

And as if that first batch of logic wasn't embarrassing enough for the MA electorate, the second half of the data is even worse. Let me just first say here that, even though I'm angry, I can actually understand why some of you would vote for Brown to oppose the federal bill -- I'm looking at you, those 36% people -- fearing that it would take away some of the good stuff from the state government that you already have. You gotta take care of your own, and I can respect that, even though I think you have terrible taste. But who the HELL are these 41 percent of the people opposing the health care bill but not being sure why you oppose it?? Forty-one percent?

41 *&!@# percent?!

You.
Fail.
Massachusetts.

Enjoy your sexy new boyfriend, and your state funded health insurance.

Massholes.