I was bored this weekend and in desperate search of a distraction from spring semester finals that did not involve self-medicating, so I went to a Michigan Militia Open Carry Field Day Picnic and wrote about it here.

Anyways, blah, blah, guns, blah, blah, socialism, blah, blah second amendment, and so on. Click the link if you're just dying to hear about firearms and grilled meat. From now on, until one of those rifle-wavers accidentally shoots a "Support the Second Amendment" angry-for-no-real-discernible-reason sign holder in the buttcheeks at a Tea Party rally, I'm no longer interested in your complete lack of irony, wingnuts. 

Besides, something else way cooler happened at that picnic, people.

I met a bona-fide celebrity author.

No, it wasn't not any of you OS crackheads. And no it wasn't Joan Walsh, either, but thats exactly the kind of conclusion an OS crackhead would jump to. There are other famous writers in the world, you know. (Although I would pay mad money to watch and take notes as Joan Walsh personally covered the next Michigan Militia Open Carry Field Day.)

It was mother-truckin' Ray LeMoine, y'all.

Me and Not-Ray LeMoine at the Militia Picnic. Sadly, I didn't get a picture of the real Ray because I thought he was just some guy. 

Do any of you even know who Ray LeMoine is? Well, if you don't then that's ok because at the time I didn't either. At first, I honestly didn't even pay much attention to the guy. He had on this Michigan Militia gigantic "MEDIA" badge and I swear to God at first I thought he was actually with the militia, like documenting the event for their annual yearbook or something. However, I've been around Livingston County and its freakshow movements long enough to observe at my shifty-eyed second glance that this guy was way to0 lanky and fuzzy-headed to really be in the militia. No offense, Ray: you're just not the type.

Maybe I should explain who this guy is before I go any further. Ray LeMoine and his friend, Jeff Neumann, are the authors of Babylon by Bus. You know -- the story of the two guys who made a killing selling "Yankees Suck!" T-shirts to rabid Red Sox's fans? When I send him a copy of this blog I hope he reads this part now where I explain I'm not nearly as much of a dumbass as I portrayed myself to be in my email for only recognizing the T-shirt part and not the part where, oh, I don't know, HE DITCHED IT ALL TO GO WORK UNDERCOVER IN IRAQ AND WROTE A BADASS BOOK ABOUT IT THAT SORT OF BECAME A BEST SELLER??

 Details, fucking details, Kasey.

As soon as I started internet stalking him, the realization of who he was just kind of hit me like a lightning bolt. "Oh yeah -- that guy!"

If you ever are so fortunate enough to meet Ray in person, of course he will not tell you any of this shit because he is just about the most laid-back, polite, unassuming guy you will ever meet. Honestly, I was charmed. I didn't really feel like a complete dolt until I Googled him the next day and took a good look at his portfolio -- in addition to the bestseller, of course.

Maybe you'll recognize some of these publications: Swindle, The Guardian, New York ' effin Magazine? Oh, and Gawker, of course, which is only my favorite satirical news website of all times (Well ok, second. I sort of really love Wonkette more truth be told. Sorry.).  And here the whole time I thought he was just some dumb aspiring journalist like me. It turns out he's a dumb super-famous journalist (all journalists are sort of dumb regardless of where they sit on the totem pole).

So we're at this picnic, talking about Boston, and where Aerosmith was actually from, and just basically shooting the shit (because I think he's normal and not a rock-star undercover reporter who once crashed the Weinstein Oscar party) and suddenly he's all:

"Let me have your card," (Which, in my mind at the time, I was pretty sure actually meant "Lets have some backwoods Michigan Militia-style sex." Or something.) So I'm all "Ok," and in exchange he scribbles  his deets on the back of one of my cards to which I automatically think "Ha! He's too rookie to even have his own card (LAWLS)." And then I'm all "Thanks, Roy,"out loud and he's all sweet and cute and says: "It's Ray."

And I'm thinking, "Whatever."

Names, schames: I only see oddly-handsome, smart, and sweet. Possibly single. 

Now that I know all this stuff about him and, considering what a cool guy he appears to be, I don't know whether I want to marry him or steal his career.

I think I'll marry him and then steal his career. 

 I hope he's ok with this.