Kat Hudson

Kat Hudson
Baltimore, Maryland, USA
May 16
Kathryn Hudson has been a writer for most of her life. Born in Salt Lake City, Utah, she currently calls Baltimore, Md., her home. As an award-winning journalist, Ms. Hudson spent several years as a newspaper reporter. She is currently raising a beautiful daughter on her own as a single mother along with two obnoxious cats (they are probably both French-Canadian). In her free time she writes. In her regular life, she juggles a cute infant along with a job in sales, blogs, and short films about everything. She welcomes new friends and correspondence, especially from befuddled new parents like herself.


Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 27, 2010 4:37PM

Too fat for love...according to Marie Claire Magazine

Rate: 80 Flag

Maura Kelly, a dating blogger for Marie Claire, a women’s magazine, thinks I’m too fat to be loved. 

As I often do, Kelly, a New York-based freelance writer, used another blog/story as a jumping off point to share her opinion on something she has given a lot of thought. How much fat people disgust her and how she doesn’t think we should be allowed in her field of vision, let alone on television shows like the new CBS sitcom, “Mike and Molly.”

The original blog, posted by CNN writer, Lisa Respers France, calmly debated whether or not larger-sized characters could get a storyline that wasn’t focused on their body size. It was a thoughtful post that showed the extreme prejudice still faced by fat actors who are often relegated to roles that only serve to poke fun of their heft while ignoring them as people. Kelly’s blog makes it clear how she feels about fat people. In her mind, we are not people at all.

Haters be hatin’

The title of her blog gives us instant insight into her thought process. It was titled: “Should ‘Fatties’ Get A Room (Even on TV)?” She wastes 633 words to first say how she thinks shows like “Mike and Molly” promote obesity and how horribly wrong that is. Then she admits the real truth why she dislikes a show she admits to never seeing:

So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.”

As you can imagine, her little blog has raised the ire of not only the so-called “Fatties” she is disgusted by the mere sight of, but also a lot of other sound-minded people who find such vitriol shocking and cruel. A day after the firestorm of controversy was ignited; she took to the Internet to post an apology. In it, she makes mention of her own battle with anorexia and points out that a friend told her how this might have colored her judgment towards plus-sized people. Hmmm…ya think?

Let she who is without fat cast the first donut

It would be very easy for me to sit in judgment of Maura Kelly the same way she sits in judgment of people like me. When I first heard of this story, my pulse raced as I felt my blood pressure rise in anger over this woman’s opinion. I’ve spent most of my life living in a larger-than-life frame. I have tried a variety of ways to change this. In spite of trying at least 100 different diets and having gastric bypass surgery (which ultimately failed due to terrible complications), I am still a mountain of a woman. Instead of hating myself over it, I’ve learned to love myself and embrace the trails of flesh I have, no matter how wide and imperfect. I wish Miss Kelly could learn to love her “molehill” of a body.

Too many fat people live miserable lives. I was one of them for a long time. Instead of living in the moment, I never let the moment come. I spent many years waiting for my “real life” to begin—once I dropped the pounds. I didn’t feel I deserved anything of value; my body was a war zone and my dreams were the casualty.

As one of the lucky few, I did marry. I married the wrong guy—it happens. We divorced. I left the marriage almost twice the size I was when I went into it. I spent a year hating my body, feeling bad about myself and convinced I’d never find a single man who would find me attractive. Turning on my television or reading the average woman’s magazine didn’t help. With few exceptions (Glamour Magazine, I applaud you for your constant diversity of beauty!), most of the images I’d see were of very thin women. It was as though fat women were invisible or didn’t exist at all.

Loneliness finally got the better of me. Seeing my soon-to-be-ex husband going out every weekend (with men—he was gay), I felt the need to be held again and kissed with passion. I signed up to a few dating websites. I was shocked at the number of men who found me not just attractive, but in their words, “Gorgeous.”

The greatest love of all

In the past seven years, I’ve slowly gotten comfortable with myself. I know I’m not for everybody, but then again, who is? In learning to love my whole self, I’ve learned to love others, too. It is rare I find anyone physically ugly; I joyfully embrace all of our imperfections and differences. I see the spark of the soul hiding behind the eyes of all people and I fall in love a hundred times a day with everyone I see. Beauty is everywhere if you open your heart to see it.

Maura Kelly, I’m sorry you’ve struggled with the pain of an eating disorder like anorexia. I’ve had a few friends who’ve fought similar struggles. It often starts with the hateful words of a parent or friend. The victim internalizes those words and lets fear consume them while they avoid consuming food. Obesity is anorexia’s twin. Instead of fearing food, we use it as a bunker in the war we have with our bodies to soften the blows from the outside world. We stuff ourselves in food until we are buried in it. Can’t you see that we’re two sides of the same coin, sister?

I still struggle with my body size. These days, it’s more about health than looks. I know how much easier my life would be physically (and fashionably) if I were smaller. If I lose weight, it will be for me. If I don’t, I won’t stop loving myself. At the end of the day, this body is all I’ve got. I hope that doesn’t make anyone sick. Then again, I really don’t care if it does.


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I say we smother her in eclairs.

rated with hugs and votes
Fat women? No problem. Vegetarians? Grrrr. I really do prefer someone with whom to share Chateaubriand for two.
This is a wonderful post. They say that prejudice against overweight people is the only acceptable prejudice left, and I see that being abused all the time. It disgusts me. I love that you have the dignity not to completely tear this writer a (well-deserved) new a-hole, but instead to calmly analyze the situation. I love how you explain the similarities of anorexia and obesity: "Can’t you see that we’re two sides of the same coin, sister?" A very, very good point. As someone who's also struggled with food and obesity issues most of my life, thanks. R!
Tough subject to write about.

Best wishes for your quest to get healthier.

Jesus H. Christ what a waste of bandwidth. (Maura Kelly's post, not yours.)
great music choice...

and size does not define beauty..that's in the soul.
Thanks Kat. Well said, and just what I needed to hear today. Love your posts. Rated.
You are gorgeous Phat ass... sorry.

This morning I had a consultation with a female attorney. I'm guessing still in her twenties. She is cute! Lovely smile and personality to spare. No stretch to say that she outweighs me by 50, and I was just weighed yesterday at the Doctor's at 202 with boots on.

You write so well Kat. Keep up the good work and keep loving yourself!
"Can’t you see that we’re two sides of the same coin, sister?" You, Kat, are a class act. Ms. Kelly should be sufficiently enlightened were she to read this post. I'm quite sure her disgust is another symptom of her own underlying reasons for her eating disorder.

Kat, From what you wrote here-- and your picture at the end of the post-- I can truly say you are a beautiful woman (inside and out). A friend of mine has joined several BBW clubs and she never lacks for a date. There are people who prefer larger women; it's so sad that some larger women feel unlovable. Excellent post.
Very thoughtful! I totally agree that we should all learn to love differences, not be repulsed by them. I also object to those who feel that being fat is a moral failing-it isn't. Thanks for your sane words! R
Excellent article! Thank you so much for blogging about this -- I really enjoy your writing. We need more bloggers like you and less like Maura Kelly. Bravo Kat!
Well written and expressed as usual. Some people will and do find any reason to hate. Shame on Marie Claire for providing a platform to someone who clearly demonstrates obtaining a writing gig has nothing to do with having something to say, and everything to do bring eyes to their website.
Yeah...ya think?
I totally got this.

And voted!
You are such a smart woman. "Can’t you see that we’re two sides of the same coin, sister?"
Kinda irritates me when people like Maura Kelly get drek like that published for money, while others with really important things to say... Too bad Marie Claire thought it was worthy.~r

and LOL @ Fandango for "multi-faceted incompetence!" I can so relate..
Great post, Kat! You are more sensitive than she is, that's for sure.
Kat, I have cast a vote for you everyday. It is easy to remember to do. I love your writing!
Once again you put someone in their place with the utmost class. I cannot tell you how much I have admired both your writing as well as your incredible spirit these months, Kat. You ARE gorgeous!
If Marie Claire had half a brain, they would publish this as a rebuttal and fire Maura Kelly.
You did that so well.r
What Fay Paxton has said. Exactly.
Pffffft. Who gives a crap about what some chick who write her OPINIONS in a dating blog or some "dentist office" magazine thinks. You got live "opinions" from LIVE people, so screw her (metaphorically only o' course) ;~)

P.S. What makes you think that Maura Kelly is anorexic? If she really is I'm truly sorry for her because that is a horrible mental and physical illness. The mental illness part, and resulting self image, would explain her wacked opinions.

If you don't have grounds to say that she is anorexic however, shame on you just as much on her for diss'ing the people who truly are suffering.
Great and telling post! You write about your life and hardships with such grace. NOBODY should be unloved because of his or her weight!
@Safe_Bet: Maura did write about her struggles with anorexia.
Pffffft on her!! I might be fat, but I'm jolly. :D

I need to go vote today!! :)
Kat, your forgiving approach to the ignorant Maura is generous. You're right, she's a flip side and maybe more of a health risk than if she were overweight.
Great post. Enjoy your life, it is the only one you have.
What a mean and shallow person Maura Kelly is. I've been thick and thin and never had a problem finding love. Don't let life pass you by. You are very pretty, btw.
Very well said. I am glad you are loving yourself unconditionally. We are all worthy.
Great post. I've just become a fan.
Thank you - I am with you all the way! a very moving and compassionate piece
Thank you - I am with you all the way! a very moving and compassionate piece
A person's beauty can be communicated through her words. Obviously, you are gorgeous...
Ms. Kelly clearly seems to have some issues.

Life is hard enough, already. Too bad Ms. Kelly can't use her platform as a way to celebrate other women as opposed to tearing them down. Clearly, she has her own demons to work out.

"Obesity is anorexia's twin." Bingo, Kat. Both diminish women. Both harm women. Thanks for, once again, writing so eloquently on this subject.
What an insightful post. This is why I read OS instead of Marie Claire. Life is so short, it's a shame people waste so much time obsessing about their bodies and their looks instead of things that actually matter.
"I was shocked at the number of men who found me not just attractive, but in their words, “Gorgeous.”"

A key turning point in this story, and in others I've read of the same kind, is in the discovery that there are men who are fine with bodies that don't fit media stereotypes.

A question: Could it be that men are less susceptible to media images that women generally think? Women's magazines are fountains of misinformation about men's tastes and behaviour.
I voted again...#1363

I have the opposite problem, I battle not to look like a bag-o-antlers. Many of my friends are heavy and some are very fat. They are all kind to me and don’t make fun of me, not because of their size but because they are decent loving people. I cherish them for that and other characteristics. I have met fat people and the mildly overweight who are cruel, simply because they are lacking in any human decency. I married a man who was quite obese, so what? I divorced him because it turned out he was mean, if he lost half his body weight he would be a thin man who is mean.

Just because someone has a problem and feels inferior is NO EXCUSE for them to do it to others. Not everyone who is an abused child grows up to abuse children. Not every anorexic is a mean person, I think she is being her true self and would be that way if she wasn’t anorexic. I bet she practices facial expressions for sex and fakes it. I don’t care what her illness is, I don’t like her because she is a Bully with a blog who wanted to hurt others. I am a simple person so I think in simple ways. I think she is mean and mean people suck. I think you are gorgeous, inside and out.
Beautiful, bountiful and blissful, sister.
Now I want a donut. And an eclair. Well said girl!
I've never walked into a bar, looked at a woman, and said "I bet she has a nice personality". If I had seen you I would have been talking to you to check out your personality. Then I would have asked for your number.

Frankly I think you look great.
I've only seen your lovely face, but your soul-bearing honesty is a thing of beauty in itself. Loving oneself is hard regardless of looks. I've been working on a piece...celebrating the beauty of women. I realize after reading you that I need more beauty diversity in my image gallery.

Rated and voted!
I voted. I rated. I'm a big fat guy. Keyword: GUY. I know full well that it's "easier" for me to be overweight than it is you. I know what kind of a person I am underneath my girth. You should too! (You, yourself, not me)

I do know, however, that there are guys out there that dig a chick that shops at Lane Bryant.
There is always going to be these assy fools who love to say how "grossed out ' they are by this or that. Let's hope Maura Kelly becomes morbidly obese very shortly.
I am all for loving yourself, but this is just masturbatory. If you are going to argue please show the full picture:

She clearly shows an objective point of view.

"Hmm, being overweight is one thing — those people are downright obese! And while I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity! Yes, anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny. No one who is as fat as Mike and Molly can be healthy. And obesity is costing our country far more in terms of all the related health problems we are paying for, by way of our insurance, than any other health problem, even cancer."
I have cupcakes that would laugh at her a$$. Great blog. Beautiful. Like you!!!! :)
It's a shame that now that it's not quite as PC to hate on blacks, women and gays that the hatred spills out onto anyone who's fatter than the hater. A courageous, classy piece (you even threw a line of compassion towards that nasty blogger, which is more than I could do.)
MaddoxJames wrote: "I am all for loving yourself, but this is just masturbatory. If you are going to argue please show the full picture:..."

Dude, for some reason I bet you REALLY know your stuff when it comes to "masturbation" but, after reading the excerpt, Ms. Kelly's "point of view" is anything but "objective". What she states in that paragraph shows just how warped her "full picture" truly is.

@ O'Really?: I stand corrected. Thank you.

@ Kat: I GLADLY withdrawn the last part of my first comment. I should read before I spout. (but that's not nearly as much fun! ;~) )
I love your perspective and I am addicted to voting for you every day now. Thanks for being on OS.
It's amazing how many people project their self-loathing on others. Good for you for not only not doing that, but fighting your own demons to love and accept yourself. I hope that Ms. Kelly can follow your good example some day.
Excellent post concerning a very difficult subject. -R-
being loved is not about size, your looks or what you have.Real love is someone that can love you for who you are, not what you are. So what if you are fat. so what if you are poor. so what if you're a bitch in the corner. I think my internet marketing virtual assistant can totally relate to this. she says sometimes she felt like nobody wants her because she's getting fat. she thinks her husband left her because she's fat. she thinks that no one took her serious because she's fat. we'll she wasnt fat before. and all i keep on telling her is that what i am posted here. But honestly, ive been there. i was fat. i mean it, honestly. i slimmed because i want to. because i love myself, and not because of someone else. To people who want to go thin, well do this first. Love yourself. when you love yourself, you start to feel good. and you want more of that good, so you try to make yourself feel hot and ...arrghh..wild? lol..but really. that's what i did to myself.
/me waits breathlessly for the 'lose weight' spam to show up ironically in your comments.
I hate it that I deleted my post "on becoming a fat-ass." It was about how difficult it is to literally wake up one day and find yourself a plus sized "woman." I had a disease that made me fat even while eating salads almost every meal of every day and working out 2 hrs a day to try to limit the damage until my cure. I was so disgusted at the ridiculous clothing selections for plus sized ladies (which directly translates into the transparency you mentioned in your story) that I spun one helluva funny rant.

I think this woman, what was her name again? Oh well, doesn't matter, she is a fool. She will never find happiness with her skewed view of physical perfection.
Before I go to bed, I just want to thank everyone who commented on this piece (except the five million spammers I deleted!). Even the guy who somehow thought I thought it was okay to attack smaller-sized women for their size. I don't advocate attacking anyone for their looks, small, large, whatever. We are who we are.

I wish I could be friends with Maura Kelly. I think she could use a broader view of the world. I had a friend who turned out to be a total racist. When I let her know that I have lots of interracial family members (black, Hispanic, Asian) and that I am of Jewish and Cuban descent, she calmed down a little. (She still said, you don't look like either--I laughed. Being a Jew or of Cuban heritage isn't boiled down to a "look").

What I hope to communicate to all is that you shouldn't wait to be anything but you to feel good and find happiness. I have dated a lot of the "wrong" men, but I had fun doing it because I learned from them. Some were pretty awesome lovers. It didn't mean I should end up married to them, but I could certainly enjoy them when I was with them.

I always feel bad for people who don't just learn to enjoy the moment they are in. I think Maura Kelly has spent too much of her life worrying about looking "perfect" and less time just soaking in the good times of her life. My advice to her is this: Let go and live it up! And stop fretting about how others look. If you care about humankind, wish the best for everybody. You will suddenly find how much they wish the best for you. Your life and theirs will be happier places. And your dreams will come true in an honest, loving way.
jesus, I couldn't even get through her article she made me so mad. She's obviously suffering from body issues and projecting. That or she's just an ignorant asshole.

(I'm currently struggling with not falling back into anorexia to have control over something in my life. I look great, everyone tells me so! Can I tell you how healthy I'm not? Can I tell you how obnoxious it is that it's my unhealthy state that provokes rave reviews about my appearance? We are not a well society.)
I'm with Linda--eclair suffocation. Actually, maybe not. I think it would be more creative to hire a plus-sized man to greet her outside the building where she works, introduce himself, then plant a big wet kiss on her lips, and be sure to hold her tight while he does so.

I recognize the heartaches you list, here. The hurts and the self-hatred. They all suck.

Then think: what does someone as shallow and judgemental as Maura Kelley know about love?
First, I'd stop reading these ridiculous magazines so beholden to advertisers. Second, I wouldn't give much credence to anything this blogger writes. She's a bad writer in my opinion, and thinks heroin is spelled "heroine." So she's sloppy, and/or dumb to boot.

The fact that she has a gig writing for Marie Claire tells me just how far that magazine has fallen.
Yes, it's terrible when society makes you invisible. Better fat than homeless, though.
the maura kelly blog is mostly moronic ... i read it from time to time and she can't write worth a damn and mostly sounds dumb. i missed her fat-hater blog. fuck her. wait til she hits middle age and hormones will square-off her waist, add cellulite to her thighs and drop her tits to the ground. she better many rich so she can get the surgical fixes she'll need for her self-esteem (she won't be able to afford it as a writer that's for sure!) good post (and good writing)
Many people here seem to have missed the point that externalized expressions of prejudice (to pre judge) are almost always based on internalized inferiority complexes usually originating in deficiencies in the parent child relationship during the first three years of life. Holding this woman up to scorn amounts to exactly the same thing that she was doing.

Prejudice almost invariably hurts the bigot more than it hurts the person toward whom that bigotry is directed.

However, the lapse in editorial judgment at Marie Claire is truly heinous and unforgivable.

When a media company hosts a blog, they assume responsibility for the content of that blog....and, in this case, in Europe, at any rate, this blog would rise to the level of hate talk if addressed to any other group but the oversized.
OK if I recommend a diet? Give up women's mags.
You should submit this to Marie Claire as a rebuttal - they could milk the controversy for another week or so of high readership, so it's a win for them in addition to being a classy thing to do. Great (and very mature) discussion of this. I read what Maura Kelly wrote and my jaw hit the floor. I can't imagine writing anything that hurtful about a whole group of people!
Thank you for your lovely post. Thank you for spreading love instead of hate. Thank you for hitting the nail on the head: two sides of the same coin? That's precisely why Kelly is so petrified that she's hating on you: she's afraid of becoming you. Too bad she can't see what an improvement that would be.
Everybody has a problem,,,fat, skinny, bald, crippled, whatever. I say, "live and let live". I don't judge the fat, the skinny, or the inbetween on their appearance or even how they feel about the appearance of someone else, nor do I care what a persons opinion of my appearance is. But, I grew into this stage of my life. I wasn't always non-judgemental. With age comes wisdom. You can't waste your life on being upset over someones opinion. Love it or leave it.
Well thought, well written, well spoken (somehow I felt as if you were in the room with me talking).

I'm glad you decided to take a chance on the world of dating and found that lots of men found you "gorgeous." It adds evidence to my hypothesis that real men (as opposed to fashion, advertising, Hollywood, et cetera) like all kinds of women, including all kinds of different body types. It's just hard to believe when you're exposed to the prescribed norm constantly (and it's hard not to be if you expose yourself to any mainstream media).

Congrats on the Editor's Pick and on not hating Maura Kelly. I would find it hard to forgive.
Bravo! It's astonishing to me that Kelly never had a second thought or moment of conscience before she typed the last period in her sickening, repellent piece. Oh wait, that's right; many people simply have no conscience...
Thank you so much for writing this! I read Maura Kelly's post and was shocked to the point of tears. If she had written that kind of vitriole about someone's race or religion, the world would be screaming racism and bigotry, the post would have taken off Marie Claire's website immediately, and a TRUE apology would have been issued instead of those psuedo-apologies and counterarguments that were offered.

Yes, I am overweight, and yes, I know it. I've struggled with it all my life. People like Maura Kelly did not make it easy for me - and they still don't. But I've learned to love myself and my life, and I have friends and family that would not want to change a single ounce of my being.

It's true angels like you who make the world a better place. Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this!!!
I raise my glass to you, girl. Here, here and well done.
I think it's fair to note that Maura Kelly has posted an apology as an addendum to the offending article. Before you dismiss it, have a look; it's a real apology that strikes me as sincere, not one of those "gee, I'm sorry if you were offended" jobs.
Kat, you show more class in one sentence than Maura Kelly apparently did in her entire post.

We are all imperfect and if we let our imperfections stifle our love of life, we are all much worse off. Loving yourself is the most important act you can do.
Amen. Excellently written and I admire your ability to understand this woman who is obviously so unhappy that she has chosen to attack rather than try to love.

I have voted this morning for you - and will try to remember to do so as regularly as I may. I'm merely a newcomer here at OS and a poet to boot, so I don't have a great readership.

I'm glad I was in Buffy's blog this morning (she's a WritingDotCom friend) and that she spoke of you. I'll be back!
Excellent post! This entire subject hits close to home for me, and makes me so angry at the pain and struggle so many beautiful and worthy women have to go through due to the cruelty and thoughtlessness of others. Your writing is wonderful and always such a pleasure to read.
I think we should learn to accept our body. Slim or not. God created us unique and that people around us should accept that. Very well written I love reading this. Thanks!!
" I never let the moment come. I spent many years waiting for my 'real life' to begin—once I dropped the pounds." I truly identify. Your post is a great read and an inspiration to women of all sizes.
Interesting post! but I do feel like there is someone out there for everyone, so don't give up....
I will get to know more new information. Even the website layouts and the designs impress me a lot.

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sikkerhedsskoIt is what I really nead and enjoy. I have never read such a poetic post. låsesmed københavn
I think the fashion industry is dominated by gay men who want their models to look like the men they sleep with. This isn't fair to real women who have hips breasts and real meat on their bones. Viva la fat ladies!