Kat Hudson

Kat Hudson
Location
Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Birthday
May 16
Bio
Kathryn Hudson has been a writer for most of her life. Born in Salt Lake City, Utah, she currently calls Baltimore, Md., her home. As an award-winning journalist, Ms. Hudson spent several years as a newspaper reporter. She is currently raising a beautiful daughter on her own as a single mother along with two obnoxious cats (they are probably both French-Canadian). In her free time she writes. In her regular life, she juggles a cute infant along with a job in sales, blogs, and short films about everything. She welcomes new friends and correspondence, especially from befuddled new parents like herself.

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JULY 6, 2011 1:30PM

Bringing up baby...alone

Rate: 25 Flag

 

 

"In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes. "

 

 From Martina McBride's song, "In My Daughter's Eyes."  

me and dags

Becoming a mother...the happiest day of my life. 

Just six weeks ago I stepped into a new role in my life: single mother. As unplanned as my baby had been, so was my delivery of her. Just a few hours after reconnecting with her father (he stepped away for a few months out of anxiety), my water broke. Twenty-five hours later, my daughter arrived at 34 weeks’ gestation. Someday I’ll share the terrifying details of her delivery, for now, I’ll just tell you how life has been.

Dagne Gwendolyn Hudson was a mere four pounds and three ounces at birth. She was 17 inches long with no body fat whatsoever. The first time they placed her in my arms; it was like holding a breathing bag of feathers. We looked at each other with a mixture of confusion, fear and love. Then I put her to my breast and all those things they say about becoming a mother kicked in. I found myself fiercely protective of this tiny stranger. It was odd for me to love someone so much, especially someone I barely knew.

Her father showed up at the hospital the day she was born. His hair, which was short and curly when we first met, was now long and slightly unruly. I remember teasing him about it. In reality, I was just glad he was there.  I didn’t expect some Hollywood ending to our daughter’s birth; I just wanted her to know her dad and never question where he was. He was there. That’s all that mattered.

I was Okayed to leave the hospital a few days later. My tiny daughter, who had been born blowing bubbles out of her mouth at birth and completely healthy despite her small size, had stay a few extra days. Like many babies born at 34 weeks, she was a slow eater who needed extra help getting nutrition into her. Ten days after she was born, we were given the go-ahead to bring her home. I was grateful and scared. I had five days to sleep in my own bed without disruption at night. What if her tiny cries didn’t wake me? What if something bad happened? What if I wasn’t cut out for this mom business? And I kept reminding myself that I was 100-percent on my own.

Dagne’s father had a girlfriend now. I knew this before he told me from peaking on his Facebook page. I didn’t begrudge him happiness: I was actually relieved in a weird way. After having watched the movie, “Knocked Up” where Seth Rogen’s character ends up blissfully driving Katherine Heigel’s character and their new daughter home to his apartment in the end, I knew this wasn’t a scenario I wanted. Sometime in the middle of my pregnancy, my daughter’s father disappeared for a time and we remained out of touch. I knew from that point on that while I wanted him to know his daughter, I wanted nothing to do with him romantically ever again.

The first night alone with my daughter was much easier than I expected. She settled into her new bed with no problems. She woke twice in the middle of the night, needed a few diaper changes, enjoyed her bottled breast milk and went right back to sleep. It all felt so natural and nice. A few days later, she decided to remain awake much of the night, but that was just that one night. I was so relieved.

It’s hard to believe six weeks have already passed since giving birth. This past weekend, Dagne’s father got much of his family together to finally meet his daughter at his mother’s house. It was nice to meet his siblings and mother as well as his young nephew. I was delighted at how quickly they all took to her, especially her grandmother who is my daughter’s only living grandmother. The drive home was a bit of a challenge; Dagne cried most of the way since it was her wakeful period and she wasn’t used to be confined to a car seat during that time. She settled down once we got home. She’s a remarkably easy-going baby so far.

Right now I face my biggest challenge: letting go. I am due to return to work next month and I am struggling with how to do that. I still haven’t found day care for her and since I’m only working part-time, I am figuring out how I will pay for everything. The hardest part is leaving my tiny baby in the care of someone else. I’m having extreme anxiety about this. I know I’m hardly the first mom to experience this.

Perhaps the best thing to come from all of this is just how focused on am on improving my future so that my daughter’s future is more secure. Every time I look into those big blue eyes of hers, I just know I have to do whatever I can to make sure she’s got everything she needs. She has given me everything I ever needed, even though I didn’t know how much I needed it before. It’s funny how that happens.

Dags at one month 

My little "Thumbelina." Dagne Gwendolyn Hudson at one month. 

 

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Comments

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I was wondering what had happened - I am so happy that the birth went well and that you have such a beautiful little girl in your life. It's inspiring to read how much she inspires you and how much you love her. All the best to both of you!
You can do it! What a fun life the two of you will have together. Im glad things are working out and she is so cute.
Cute. Dag-nee or Dane?
Congratulations on the birth of such a fine lass.
Rated.
Ahhhh!! Cute baby!!!!

Rated!!
Congrats! Yes they are amazing, aren't they!!!
Thanks, everyone! Now you know why I've been MIA. I have been trying to learn this whole mommy thing. It hasn't been easy. (She's pitching a little fit right now and I need to run!).

And her name is pronounced "Dag-knee." I didn't think it would be that tough for people to get, but whatever. I like it.
You look lovely holding your daughter. It's great to read such an upbeat post after wondering about you, Kate. I hope everything about going back to work and finding a proper day care for Dagne will fall into place. I know letting go will be very hard, it's only the first step. Welcome to motherhood.
♥R
Congratulations, and savor every minute. It goes so fast.
Welcome to motherhood. She's a lovely little thing! Call on whatever support system you have in place. It's so helpful to be around other new moms. Is there a Mom's Club in your area? It's a great way to meet others, form friendships, and help each other out.
Goodness, she is gorgeous! I remember well being overwhelmed by the powerful love I felt the first time I held my first child. She has a lot of advantages, the greatest being your fierce desire to love, protect and provide for her. Having her father's family welcome her with love will mean much too. Love will make you stronger than you can imagine, you'll figure it out and both be fine, lschmoopie gave great advice. Congratulations on a healthy and beautiful child!
She's beautiful. Congratulations!

Rated.
I'm breathless! And boundlessly impressed by you. I am alone with my two kids this month (3 and 6 mos) and I'm going absolutely insane--I don't know how women do it. But I don't know how women do most things women do--er, um, give birth, put up with men, etc. And finding child care--that's worse than anything. [Deleted rant about US moms having to back to work too soon....] I do know this: everything I read says that moms who work part-time report being happier than both stay-at-home and working moms.
Dagne is as beautiful as her name-- love them both! Congratulations, and thank you for sharing this post. Can't wait to hear more about your new life as a mom. Sending good thoughts to you as you struggle with letting someone else help you care for her. Hugs to you both.
Dagne is a beautiful little girl and congratulations. You two are going to be just fine. I know it. Thanks for sharing the events around her birth.
Congratulations! She's just adorable. The time will go by so fast, or too slow. It won't ever go by in just the right increments for you to feel satisfied. Wishing you the best.
Blessings! You so perfectly capture the reality of the gift of motherhood. "She has given me everything I ever needed, even though I didn’t know how much I needed it before." - Never said better.
Congratulations and best wishes! What a lovely baby!
Yea, "Thumbelina's" in the house!! Nice job Kat. Wishing you two girls all the best.
You and your daughter are both beautiful and I love her name.
Congratulations! Dagne. What a lovely name. I've never heard it before. Your life will never be the same. Your love will take you through the hiccups in life and will make your life rewarding in ways you never thought possible.
Awwwwwwwww! Now, that is happy and great news. Congratulations, Kat, wonderful news. R
What a beauty. You will do just fine. Don't listen too much to other mommies who like to give advice. Go with your gut . She is a beautiful child. Congratulations, Kat!
Congrats, Kat! The photo of you holding her is so sweet. Good to know you are both doing well....and Dagne is a gorgeous girl with a lovely name.
CONGRATS! I loved this and seeing you both. It will all work out, truly it will. Your girl is so beautiful and so are you,Mom.
Best of everything to you both.
This post and it's news is comfort for the soul and more.