Twas the night before Iowa, when all through the House
John Boehner flipped off C-SPAN's cameras to grouse.
Republicans’ attention focused elsewhere for a change,
As ad attacks on Gingrich covered him like the mange.

Trying to kick off the mud only rubbed it in deeper.
Maybe he just needed a new wife who's cheaper?
Jon Huntsman wasn’t around to get dirty this time –
Busy walking New Hampshire mountains in his primary climb.

Rick Santorum frantically unplugged computers
So no one could Google his name. Super PAC looters
Grinned to see him beating Newt to third,
Under a name synonymous with sex and turd.

Michele Bachmann's supporters were plugging their ears,
Singing "La-la-la-la" and "Lo, my loving God hates queers."
Governor Perry, who looks the most Presidential,
Was busy memorizing agencies that were inconsequential.

When out in the polls there arose such a surprise,
That pundits rushed forward to cover your eyes.
Away to Gallup I flew like a flash,
To verify Ron Paul's supporters were not at all rash.

He’s been second place since the August straw poll
But only Jon Stewart has lit up the hole
Of mainstream media non-response to someone so weird.
Paul’s unconventional thinking makes him popular and feared.

Today he's first place! Just pulling ahead.
And they’re not counting anti-war folks who are fed
Up and might cross over to the GOP, such rank sedition
A small betrayal next to immunity for rendition.

But yes, Virginia, there is a Mitt Romney, too.
With hair like a Ken doll and corporate cash out the wazoo.
He’s the frontrunner many people are desperate to vote against,
Like Walter Mondale in '84 before the Gary Hart nonsense.

Romney's led the Republican pack while the economy picks up
And the wars don’t go badly enough to bother a normal schlup.
This is all that will really matter come November 2012.
But any pundit who says that gets pink-slipped by Murdoch's elf.

Besides, plenty can change between now and November.
Think '29 or '07 or '08. Don't you remember
Where you were last time the market crashed?
It's completely possible Obama will get bashed.

All it might take to tip the economy back towards tanking
Is a little Congressional interference with jobs and/or banking.
Let's check back in with Speaker Boehner in the silent House.
C-SPAN's cameras still off? I can't hear a mouse.

Is that smoke pouring out of the Capitol dome?
On, cameras! In, firemen! In, viewers at home!
Out, smoky-eyed servants! Out, smoldering bills!
Out, smooching teenagers who thought sirens meant drills!

"I’m sorry to say," a weeping Boehner announced,
"That the nation's entire life savings has been pronounced
Dead of smoke inhalation in this unfortunate blaze.
But don't panic too much in the coming days.

"It will only take a complete reallocation of federal dough
To rebuild from the ashes and get the economy to grow.
Instead of schools and infrastructure, or more troop gear,
We’ll fix up the whole Capitol like new by next year!"

The New, Orderly, Beautiful, And Manicured Act (NOBAMA)
Quickly passed in the House, but in the Senate there was drama.
It seemed that whenever a version came closer to passing,
A masked man would ride in and start harassing

Everyone with talk of liberty and mountain climbing.
While they were distracted, he would slit the bill’s lining,
Then call out "Veto, veto, veto!" and disappear –
Until Sen. Snowe caught him by the outturned ear.

"Who are you, masked, mysterious stranger?
How do you safely veto amid political danger?"
He just smiled and winked, and called out as he flew away:
"I learned that when I was Gov. of New Mexico. Have a nice day!"

His supporters voted for Paul, but were no match for the machine.
The Romneybot won the nomination, and the economy did seem
Ok until Obama won his second term. Since then the news is bleak
From South United States, or so I hear. A while ago I took a peek

At Al-Jazeera and have been in prison for three months under NDAA.
Our drone strikes in Pakistan killed three more children that day.
I heard the cold war with Iran is straining our budget even more,
But at least our special Israeli friends are helping us keep score.

Maybe in 2016, Ron Paul will have a better explanation for his racist rants.
Until then, journalists are afraid of being crushed like ants.
And we're all safe from Bradley Manning and WikiLeaks at last,
Since President Obama fried the whistleblower's ass.