In the end it is all about diamond cuff links. Lost, then found. Forgotten for a time. Misplaced. Worn, then removed.
Tucked away.
This is no easy landscape, a hostile frontier. Paperwork amplifies grief, which consumes everything.
I wander barefoot in a hallway, turn off a light, catch a glimpse of a life now gone. I wonder what I am doing here, how songs and ditties and laughter in front of fireplaces turned into this, someone very distinctly missing, no magic to make it all go away or return that which is gone.
"In a better place now" doesn't always help. Ditto "no more suffering." The suffering is very real. Someone took a part of me and cast it out to mythical animals with long teeth foraging in the bare woods. See now how it's being devoured, piece by piece, blood draining onto the glistening snow.
It does no good to scream at heaven. "How could you leave me?" goes unanswered.
I put the diamond cufflinks back in a box, dust off a shelf, tuck into a drawer. I wonder if I should change my Facebook status.
photo: hitherandyarn
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Comments
♥
HUGG
But I was gratified also to see that your selection of imagery to accompany your piece showed some particulary apt under the circumstances pieces of struggling fruit, personifying a continuation of injured life...yours!
Heal baby heal.
May a peaceful moment find you each day....
I wish I knew how to offer more.
tears...it's so hard. My x husband whom I lived with and took care of through a lengthy illness passed away in September. He was my best friend and confidante, and he's missed sorely.
this is beautifully written!
rated with empathy and love
I too, liked the photo but for a different reason. It makes me think of something bright and beautiful peaking out of the snow. It's one of those little joys in life that looses all meaning when you no longer have the one person you live for. I've often imagined life without my husband. And I feel like I could be sitting on the most beautiful beach, wearing a diamond studded bathing suit, staring at the worlds most memorable sunset thinking, "This is alright I guess, but it's nothing because Chris isn't here anymore."
And I'm not smart enough to have real answers. Perhaps nobody is.
Perhaps for some things, there are no answers...only questions.
What you do with the questions.... well...that may be how you get by.
I am sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how much this hurts.
impossible
R
Lezlie
We love you, Kathy.
What I do know for sure is that it is a singular journey, with many twists, turns, reminders, and challenges. What motivates me is the sure knowledge that she wants me to go on, and be very, very happy.
In your desolation, somehow you are full... that means you have been well-loved. :) He is and always will be part of you, within you, your very essence.
Words cannot begin to capture or express what you are going through, especially at this time of year. Still, I raise the Parting Glass to you and your love and wish you God's choicest blessings in the new year.
May sorrow show me the way to compassion.
May I come to recognize the gift of my loved one's death by opening my ear of compassion.
May I realize grace in the midst of suffering.
May this experience in some way be a blessing for me.
May loving-kindness sustain me.
May love fill and heal my body and mind.
May I be peaceful and let go of expectations.
May I find peace and strength that I may use my resources to help others.
May I receive the love and compassion of others.
May all those who are grieving be released from their suffering.
May I offer love, knowing that I cannot control the course of life, suffering, or death.
Forgiveness:
May I let go of guilt and resentment.
May I forgive myself for mistakes made and things left undone.
May I forgive and be forgiven.
May I forgive myself for not meeting my loved ones' needs.
May I accept my human limitations with compassion.
Coming home:
May I be open to the true nature of life.
May I open to the unknown as I let go of the known.
May I offer gratitude to those around me.
May I be grateful for this life.
May I and all beings live and die peacefully.