The news that former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child out-of-wedlock with a member of his household staff ten years ago comes at an interesting time, swift on the heels of the very public arrest of the head of the IMF on suspicion of sexual misconduct in an expensive suite at the NYC Sofitel.
While Schwarzenegger's timing of the release of his statement with the arrest of Dominique Strauss-Kahn might have been coincidental, inevitable comparisons will be made, from late night hoohas to plum political blogs. And yes, even here.
Because for as long as I can recall, and longer, men have been, to be blunt, behaving badly.
While this isn't exclusive to the political arena, or even to the world of celebrity, it certainly gets more press there.
Men have been chasing chambermaids around bedrooms for generations. It just didn't used to be the subject of a tweet.
Schwarzenegger's disclosure, the dropped shoe of the recent joint announcement with his wife, journalist Maria Shriver, that they were separating, and Strauss-Kahn's current controversial detention, are just the latest in a litany of sexual misconduct stories and lend weight to the notion that this is not a single class or party phenomenon. Schwarzenegger, while he might have married into the very Democratic Kennedy dynasty, is a Republican, and the IMF chief is a Socialist (one who rents $3000-a-night hotel suites, but a Socialist nonetheless). More recent discomforting disclosures have come from the once beknighted Al Gore and John Edwards, former darlings of the Democratic Party. The champion of family values himself Ronald Reagan was not without blemish, and we'll likely never know if Jimmy Carter lusted after women anywhere other than the confines of his Georgian heart.
Bill Clinton's pecadilloes have come to define the genre, with his helpmate the current Secretary of State self-cast as the ultimate in standing-by-your-man. We winced at Elizabeth Edwards' martyrdom and watched with discomfort as political wives from Silda Wall Spitzer to Jenny Sanford suffered from the sidelines.
Few seem to be immune. One generally doesn't have to cast their net much further than their own close circle of family and friends to find a noteworthy but generally less public example. Family trees rumble with ancestors whose mothers were the house servants and whose fathers remain unnamed.
For their part, both Schwarzenegger and Strauss-Kahn have participated in the public arena with personal reputations that would generally fall under the umbrella of men behaving badly, where words like "groping" like to dwell. They descend from generations of frat boy Mile High Club jocularity, testosterone not always in check, once encouraged, now a risk, a risk to their personal lives and their professional ones. Political careers have a way of tanking in the wake of such press and morph into careers in press, punditry or public service, if not public shame and scandal.
Few of us will ever forget the moment Bill Clinton returned the gaze of a reporter and said, with supreme conviction, "I did not have sex with that woman," a defining moment in the history of public sexual misconduct. History will retain the photo of Gary Hart on the Monkey Business and the name Monica Lewinsky.
My husband was fond of saying that one should never do anything they didn't want to see appear as a headline in a newspaper the next morning. I lived long enough with him to realize that even the most perfect of men is not without risk, and have observed others long enough to realize that we are still raising generations of them.
This morning, these are your headlines. Men behaving badly. News at eleven.



Salon.com
Comments
Schwarzenegger's peccadillos are also of a pattern, he's long been known as a groper, so I'm not surprised there either. I wish Maria well.
It does seem to fill up the media, these men behaving badly. On the other hand, some men don't, just as there are plenty of women who behave badly as well.
(I'm happy to say, that as of May 23 in less than a week, that I have been faithful to my bride and partner for 30 years and have no children other than the three we've had together. I'm not saying I'm a paragon, just that I'm not all that bad, mostly.)
"If it has tires or testicles, it's going to give you trouble."
Great job Kathy. Nothing surprises me anymore.
Keep your dignity. Leave the jerk who would risk everything with you for a roll in the hay. Don't stand there holding his hand.
Nice read. / R
:-)
R
That is the behavior of a psychopath. Psychopaths gain satisfaction through antisocial behavior, and do not experience shame, guilt, or any remorse for their actions. Sound like any of those guys?
Our culture has led some of those people to think that they are 'leaders' in various spheres, titans of industry, or other kinds of big fish in a small pond that doesn't call them out or punish them for the people they hurt. Some of those behaviors have become woven into the fabric of feminist criticism of patriarchy. But decent men don't think this sort of thing is okay and it isn't patriarchal, it's effing crazy and felonious.
The psychopaths simply hide their criminality behind the cover of patriarchal machismo. They are skirt chasers; great swordsmen, wolves, womanizers and they pretend to be admired by other men and to be the libertines that those men envy. It's a bullshit cover for sociopathic behavior that leads to more and more felonious behaviors & attacks.
I also like the part of DSK being described as a socialist while staying in a $3000 a night suite. Yeah, this guy is a socialist. While innocent until proven guilty, I for one don't buy the 'impulse control' argument that some make because we've often seen people who were in some position of power protected from the consequences of their acts. The French are tolerant of philandering and that tolerance can easily be manipulated to cover more heinous acts. Just ask the journalist who was mentioned. In the coming days I won't be surprised to hear that there are more women coming forward who felt powerless to complain before about Schwarzenegger and DSK. When I was a young woman working in Washington, DC I encountered the minor league of men who thought this was their right. I yelled, I went to my boss, I did what I had to do to defend myself from grabby, misogynist men who think they are entitled to take what they want and I am depressed to think that there are so many men that our culture adulates who engage this way and are given cover for it by those around them.
Whether it was exactly consensual remains a discussion within the family, though the participants are now in nursing homes. At least we know Arnie's kid won't suffer abuse, or scarcity, and has been acknowledged. I think that took a considerable amount of courage.
Life is hard, and then we die. Maybe in my next life, I'll be so lucky. I think it's often a mistake to jump to conclusions in matters like these. Nobody knows what happens in anybody elses bed, even if we like to pretend that we do.
What I find astonishing (and often comical) is that people re-elect or socialize with them and then act surprised when they get the shaft. After all, if a man will do this to his family, he'll do far worse to strangers. I don't compare what they do to the ordinary weakness and mistakes of normal men and women. They are simply defective, either from birth or environment. It's hard for others to grasp but they are what they are. Thank you for a well thought out post.
By the way 'psychopath' is not a clinical diagnosis. It's term used in everyday conversation. You can read about it at:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-psychopath-means
There are many men and women for whom infidelity would be unthinkable, or very quietly thinkable but not to be indulged. Unfortunately, those people don't make the headlines.
I'm not sure I've ever known anyone (male or female) who hasn't cheated on at least one partner in their lives.
My marriages will always be open. I simply feel less betrayed that way. Not that I don't get jealous, I do (and act ridiculous) but better that than the quiet knowing as their eyes sort of float off and wanting to grab their nethers and squeeze their brain back into the here and now.
"you can be single and lonely or married and bored" --chris rock.
"men are only as faithful as their options allow" --bill mahr
"love is the delusion that one woman differs from another" --HL mencken
Married is about committment and family, at least be honest with yourself.
rated with love
The term was dropped from DSM III in 1980, but is being reinstated with the upcoming publication of DSM V…but the truth is that psychopathic behavior is closely associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. Both conditions are characterized by impulsive and irresponsible behavior indicating a lack of foresight. In other words, psychopaths are unable to “fore-think” the consequences of their behavior. Both conditions are associated with an inability to understand facial expressions of others or their vocal inflections.
Of course, these behaviors are also closely associated with narcissism, which is nothing more than extreme self-centeredness, and the inability to empathize. Empathy requires the ability to place yourself in the position of the person who might be negatively affected by your behavior, and this is impossible for deeply self-centered individuals.
What kinds of people share these characteristics?
Well, for the most part, these are people who have much higher than average incomes, and occupy positions in society in which they are must be centers of attention in order to maintain their positions: actors, musicians, moguls, media personalities, athletes, drug lords, the very rich, royalty, doctors, and, of course, politicians.
These are, of course, the very people who fuck up their personal relationships, but it’s because they are insecure and need to demonstrate their power over others. These people really are powerful and their power places them – in their own estimations – beyond the constraints of normal empathy.
Such people are simply incapable of experiencing empathy for others because, if they did, they could not do their jobs.
This being the case, they find themselves cut off from the rest of humanity….and use sex as a means of reconnecting with the human race.
The problem, however, is that it is almost always ONLY stranger sex that enables them to reconnect with humanity because they need the strangeness of the other person – the anonymous stranger – in order feel that they are genuinely connecting with that other. Without the strangeness, they cannot feel the rush of emotions that sexual conquest offers.
The narcissism of an Arnold Schwarzenegger is exemplified by the fact that, for no discernable reason, he decided to reveal the existence of his love-child.
Why would he do such a thing, unless he wanted to blow up his marriage?
The only thing I can think of is that he knew the story was about to come out. Someone might very well have been trying to blackmail him, causing Schwarzenegger to disclose the fact and eviscerate the blackmailer’s case.
I'm not sure what the marriage infidelity rate is. But if the marriage failure rate is around 50%, I reckon there was infidelity in the great majority. Plus a fair amount of infidelity in marriages that don't break up.
OTOH, of my closest four married friends, I don't think any have been unfaithful.
It's worth noting that in the case of Strauss-Kahn, although he's reputed to have had many affairs, he was arrested for sexual assault.
Maybe Arnie thought he'd be doing right by the kid, by openly acknowledging him. Pretending the kid doesn't exist is a big obstacle to responsible parenting.
While the women out here are tut-tutting Arnold and Dominique, there are plenty of men cheering these guys on. Until that kind of locker room behavior ends, neither will this kind of extracurricular activity.
In seeking the Governorship, he asked Californians to trust him. Millions of Californians did so for many years, yet while he was seeking their trust, he was also betraying them with the lie that he was living. This lie will have a negative and long lasting impact on his legacy. I wish the best for his family, including his newly-acknowledged child and her mother, who were also victims of Arnold.
I hope that Maria makes Arnold fully accountable in their divorce if there is one and I hope that the mother of his child will make sure that Arnold guarantees that the child’s financial future is secure as well."
– Gloria Allred
In the past decade, feminist legal theory has become a formidable presence in many of America's top law schools. Feminist activism has also had a major impact on many areas of the law, including divorce, rape, self-defense, domestic violence, and such new legal categories as sexual harassment. However, the ideology of legal feminism today goes far beyond the original and widely supported goal of equal treatment for both sexes. The new agenda is to redistribute power from the "dominant class" (men) to the "subordinate class" (women), and such key concepts of Western jurisprudence as judicial neutrality and individual rights are declared to be patriarchal fictions designed to protect male privilege. Courts and legislatures, lawyers and the corrections industry, psychologists and psychotherapists, and the religious industry support efforts to limit individual rights in the guise of protecting women as a class, and deny the fundamental principle of equality regardless of gender before the law.
Of course women get rewarded for their infidelity. It's called eighteen years of tax-free child support. Add the delightful attention of proclaiming oneself a victim and there's that added bonus, too.
The bottom line biologically is that men have their fun and leave women to clean up the mess -- and bear the children, wanted or unwanted. The ridiculous bragging and boasting by these guys about their female conquests comes at a price. They'd better be willing and able to pay it.