New Mexico’s motto is the “Land of Enchantment”. It's nothing like this at all. As soon as I got my auto tags, the first thing I did was apply for the veteran tags so I wouldn’t have to see that false motto on the back of my car. I still have the old tags and intend to use that as target practice at the firing range. So being the pessimist I am, I decide to give it the “old college try” to find SOMETHING positive. So I start my journey to three different places. The regular grocery chain, the health food store, and then the dollar store.

The first thing I see when I get out on the road is that the majority of vehicles are Range Rovers, Escalades, Mercedes, BMWs, etc. You see Iive in “Yuppyville”. There are two classes of people here - the filthy rich and the dirt poor. Being that I am among the ranks of the unemployed, I am one of the latter. So I just accept it and ignore the gargantuan $90,000 vehicles on the road. First stop, Albertson’s grocery store. I go to the cashier to pay for my kitty food and behind me and in front of me are women with makeup caked on, designer bags, and rude manners. They insist on talking on their Crackberries with their “blue douches” sticking out of their ear like a damn alien. I vaguely feel like I am back in LA. But this is New Mexico! WTF?

So I go out to my modest car and hear the most annoying sound from one of the VERY few categories of wildlife that exists here - the Grackle. Talk about annoying; they start their “screeching” at 5:00am in the morning always disrupting my slumber. Again I ignore it and go to my next destination, the Health Food Store. I go to make a left via the media (whatever nimrod designed the roads here decided there is no need for many traffic lights). Well some poor lady made a run for it in front of me to make a left turn.

Mind you the only way to make a left turn in 90 percent of this place is to risk your life and jump into the middle lane. Of course I couldn’t see to turn left which didn’t bother me a bit. One has to make bold moves like that otherwise the person behind you will honk their horn like a five year old and flip you off. So I am patiently waiting until she can make that left turn for..ummm..probably a minute and a half. In that short time at least 5 people honked their horn at this poor woman. What do they expect her to do? Run out in the middle of   traffic and get hit? These drivers here are worse than those in Boston and New York. I have driven through Manhattan on Canal Street in rush hour and had a less stressful time. So thank God the heavy traffic finally stops and she can get out (this is at 2:00pm btw). I immediately turn into the shopping center before I get flipped off (which happens all the time since I drive the speed limit). So on to the health food store. For some reason every time I am in there I seem to be in everybody’s way. I constantly get glared out because God forbid I am in their yuppie ass way. I make it out there without wanting to strangle the crap out of them. Btw, another nimrod designed the parking lot so not only is it always full, but is more dangerous than driving itself.

I make my way to the dollar store. FINALLY some HUMBLE people. Probably the most pleasant part of the day. I linger for a while and get a few things check out and the friendly cashier asks if I found everything okay. So I am on my way home finally. Mind you I never left the one mile radius outside my apt. I had to wait FOREVER to even make a right turn to get the hell out and get home. I arrive at my apt complex to pass someone driving a decked out Cadillac Escalade playing Mariachi music. Can we say “drug dealer”? Yup they run rampant here. Gangs galore. My piece of crap stereo was yanked from my “beater car” within one week of living here. Even though I now live in a wonderful apartment complex, there is a car jacking in the middle of the day. Oh, and btw, New Mexico is a “Gold Star” open carry state which means any Looney can purchase a weapon and carry it non-concealed on their being, in their car, or in their house. Oh I almost forgot there are coyotes here where I live. Nice - good thing my cats are indoor cats. From my apartment I can see the Sandia Mountains. Yes, at first they were beautiful but now they do nothing for me. Perhaps if there was some WATER in front of them I would think differently. Plus the sight of SNOW aggravates the hell out of me because it NEVER snows or rains where I am. It gets “stuck” on the mountains.

So in conclusion, I ask - why is this considered the “Land of Enchantment”? For the filthy rich perhaps, but the majority of people here is dirt poor. This is the second poorest state in the entire country! There is also NO diversity here. I am not racist a bit but I couldn’t help but notice that almost everyone here is Anglo or Hispanic. Where are the Asians, the African Americans, the Indians (not native but Hindu), or anything else? Oh yeah, probably smart enough not to move to a barren wasteland like this. I’ve seen more diversity in Iowa!

And lastly there is the architecture - nothing but BROWN. And not nice brown but shit brown. Everything is designed as Native American pueblo stuff. I could understand this if it was predominately Native American but I can probably count on one hand the number of Native Americans I have seen in “my neck of the woods”. What happened to brick, siding, pitched roofs, and TREES? Oh, I did see ONE place that was not brown - Rudy’s barbeque. I don’t know how they got away with painting their place red - probably had to pay off someone off.