This is the opening of a non-erotic book I just started. The main character survives a plane crash, a terrorist bombing of a trai, has an "incident" in a car and then gets interesting news about traveling by bus.  I'm not sure, but I think she will stick to bicycles by the end of the book, although I once saw someone on a bike slam into the side of a car pulling out of a side street.  He was okay and screamed an yelled at the driver even as the police arrived.  Turns out that I and a few others told the policeman that the bicyclist had run the stop sign, so the cop ticketed him.  That kind of made my day.

Anyway-I hope you don't have a fear of flying!

“Breathe deep.  Breathe deep.”  Nancy Masiri hugged her knees to her chest, trying hard not to call attention to herself, embarrassed as she was by her childlike reaction to her fear of flying.  She sat across from her boarding gate in an empty area of the airport, hunched over in one of the blue plastic chairs, watching the number of waiting passengers increase, watching them mill around, watching them talk and laugh.  She began to feel better as more people crammed the boarding gate and the din of their conversations permeated the air.  Perhaps, she thought, if something happened on the flight, one of the many passengers would be able to help her get out of the plane.

“Breathe deep,” she whispered.  “Breathe deep.”  Nancy reached back into her mind to remember what she had learned, what she had to do to conquer her fear of flying.  She took a deep breath, exhaled and, contrary to her lessons, muttered asshole!

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get the images of the confrontation she had with her husband out of her mind.  She vividly recalled the out-of- body experience she had, floating, staring down at him and herself.

“You…you’re what!”

“I’m going to Machu Pichu,” he said, “with someone from the office.  When I get back, I’m filing for divorce.”

Oh, God, she moaned.  She had known something was wrong.  She had suspected he was having an affair.  No sex for two months?  He had to be having an affair.  She tried to convince herself that it was her imagination, that he would never hurt her.  She deluded herself into believing that the lack of sex was related to the pressures on him at his job, but now she knew what those pressures really were.  But why did he drop this bomb on her one day before she was going out of town?  One day! Did he time his own trip to coincide with hers?  That was cruel! 

She snorted and lowered her knees.  “Machu fucking Pichu.  What a dick!”  It was one of the places on her list, a place she desperately wanted to see, but a place that her fear of flying prevented her from going to.  So you’re going with her, huh? I don’t even know who she is.  I hope terrorists capture you and hold you for ransom and torture you.  Both of you!  Don’t come crying to me.

Nancy lamented her fear of flying- it prevented her from doing a lot of things she and her husband wanted to do, but one near miss had turned her into jelly.   The only reason she accepted this particular trip was to get away from home, away from her suspicions.  Better to be with a bunch of drunk business associates in Palm Beach than sit around in Austin waiting for her husband to show some interest in her.

A voice over the loudspeaker shocked Nancy back to the present.  “Con-nenal Flight fiddysicfiddy ready to board gate 6.”

Oh, jeeeez!

“We’ll be boardin’ fum da back, rows blah blah blah.”

Thank God.  Last row, first on, bulkhead behind me.  Safest seat on the plane.   Or so they say.  Now if only someone doesn’t sit with me, if only I can have the whole row to myself.

Nancy dutifully boarded with her group, shuffling her feet as she made her way to the back of the plane.  She put her laptop in the overhead, her purse under the seat in front of her, smiled at the old man who had already made his way to the window seat, closed her eyes and leaned back.  Please, please don’t let anyone be in the middle.

“Ummm,” a voice said, “excuse me.  I have the middle seat.”

Fuck!  She opened her eyes and looked up at a skinny young man, twenty or so, maybe five or six years younger than she.  She forced a fake smile and nodded.  “Yes, of course,” she said.

Nancy stood up and let the young man slide by.  When he passed, she sat back down, cinched the seat belt tight around her waist, leaned back and closed her eyes.

“Don.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m Don.”

Oh, swell.  A talker!  “Oh…uh…Nancy.”

“Where ya’ headed?”

“Palm Beach.”

“Oh,” Don said.  “California, eh?”

Oh, Jesus.  I get Gomer fucking Pyle next to me!  She manufactured another polite smile, opened her eyes and mumbled, “That’s Palm Springs you’re thinking of.  I’m going to Florida.”

Don laughed and slapped his knee.  “Guess you can tell I don’t get around much.  I’m heading to Chicago to meet my fiancé’s parents.  We’re getting married in a month.  Gotta go by way of Nashville or something like that, but the tickets were pretty cheap and in this economy, well, you know.”

“Uh huh,” Nancy mumbled.  “That’s nice.”Poor slob.  How long will his relationship last? 

“Are you married?  I bet you are, a pretty woman like you.”

Is he hitting on me?  Please tell me he’s not.  Please, God.  Tell me that some yokel on his way to meet his soon-to-be bride is not hitting on me.    “I was married,” Nancy said.  “Or I will have been…what I mean is that I am married but won’t be soon.”  She leaned back and closed her eyes again.

“Oh.” Don mumbled.  “Uh…um…”

Guess that shut him up.

When Nancy heard the turbines whir into motion, she tightened her grip on the armrest again.  When the plane lurched as it was pulled on to the tarmac, she let out a small, quiet scream.  “Oh, God!”  She grabbed the arm rest so hare her knuckles turned white.

Don laughed again, a hideous – in Nancy’s opinion – scary laugh.  “Scared o’ flying, huh?  Don’t you know that flying is the safest…”

“I’d rather be in a car,” she snapped.

“A car?  Why, that’s the least…”

“If I’m  in a car,” she hissed through clenched teeth, “I at least have some ability to control what’s going to happen.  Then…Oh, God!”

She pressed her head as hard as she could into the back of the seat when she heard the ka-thunk, ka-thunk of the wheels as the plane rumbled down the runway.  Blood drained from her face straight to her feet as the plane became airborne.  A light-headed sensation consumed her until, at last, the plane leveled off.

“See,” Don said.  “You’re safe now.”

“We still have to land,” Nancy said.  “In fact, I have to land and take off again.  Most accidents occur on takeoff and…”

“Except like that flight…what was it…that flight…um…the one that blew up over the Atlantic…”

Christ!  What an idiot!  “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not hear about…”

Don laughed and poked her in the side. “You gotta face your fears.  Right now you are as safe as…”

Nancy closed her eyes, let him drone on and, despite her fears, drifted off to sleep, the dull vibrations rippling through the plane dulling all the sound around her.  She was in the middle of a pleasant dream, one in which she and some unknown handsome man were meeting at the airport, when she was awakened by a loud, dull thud  and a vicious bump that came from beneath her seat.  The planed listed to the right, and then to the left.  The engines screamed.  Acceleration forced her backward into the seatback cushion.  She stared at the ground through the seat window as the plane banked hard.

“Ladiezzzz and gen’lmen.  We seem to have a bit of a problem.  We’re going to…”

The plane dropped.  Nancy felt airborne.  The woman in front of her was airborne.  People screamed.  Nancy screamed.  “Holy shit!”

She and Don took one look at each other and linked arms.  “Hang on to me,” she cried.

Don, his eyes wide with panic, cried, “I will!”

“We’re going to make an emergency landing mumble mumble…”

Don looked at her with mournful eyes.  “I cheated on my fiancé.”

“What?”

“Twice in six months.  I…I have to tell someone in case we…in case we die.”

“Die,” Nancy shouted.  “Shut up.  Shut the fuck up!”

“I had to tell someone!”

“Why?  Why did you cheat on her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then,” Nancy snarled, “you shouldn’t get married.”  Despite the insanity of the situation, Nancy was pleased to be thinking about something other than the airplane, even if forced her to talk to the idiot next to her.

“I know,” Don moaned.  “If we make this…”

The plane dropped again.  The airborne feeling hit them again.  The oxygen masks fell from the overhead compartments.  More screaming.  The old man in the window seat, his face pale, trembled as he tried over and over to get the mask on his face.  Don pulled the mask over the old man’s head, pulled on his own mask and looked at Nancy, his expression a combination of fear and sadness.

“Passengers!  This is the Captain!  Please!  Get in crash position.  We’re going to…”

Loud noises.  Upside down.  Right side up.  The world turned gray.  Everything seemed to moving in slow motion.  Blue skies appeared above.  Billowing smoke and flames ahead rushed towards her.  The right side of the plane was disappeared.

They skidded to a stop.  Nancy and Don watched in silence as most of the plane headed down the runway engulfed in flames.  The smell of burning fuel assaulted their nostrils.  The old man just seemed to go limp in his seat.

A sense of calm washed over her.