I’m writing a new book about adultery, one in which the main characters try to determine if they have somehow exceeded an acceptable level of adultery.  Basically, they keep rationalizing that what they have done has not exceeded that level by, what else, redefining what is acceptable.

So, my husband and I had a conversation in which we defined degrees of adultery.  The conversation became heated on occasion, mainly because he had certain ideas that some things were acceptable for men but not acceptable for women.  Despite that, we came up with a list, presented here in increasing order of non-acceptability.

“Innocent” Touching. 

Suppose you’re at a gathering, you find yourself alone with someone, that someone happens (let’s say) to ooze self-confidence, and he decides that he’s going to put a finger at the hem of your dress, slowly drag it up the outside of your thigh, turn it inward and keep moving it upward.  If that man is married, then he is committing adultery even if he doesn’t reach your sweet spot.  He is, of course, hoping that when gets his fingers to your panties they’ll be soaked, thereby sending a signal that you are most likely ready for the next level.   If you are a woman in this situation and your panties are soaked when he reaches them, then you have committed adultery by not stopping him earlier.  So much of adultery is mental and, in this case, the mental aspect of this level far outweighs the physical.  Of course, there have been occasions where this kind of thing has happened to me.  I’ll give the guy an “I dare you look”, let him get close, push his arm away and say something like, “Take a look in the mirror.  You’re not exactly every woman’s dream.”  This is kind of devastating to the guy and I get a great deal of pleasure out of it.  That type of situation is not adultery.

Kissing

Oh my.  Once you open your mouth and accept someone’s tongue, you are in full-fledged adultery.  Rarely, if ever, will a kissing situation fail to lead to the next level but, even if it doesn’t, even if you push away in shame and guilt, you have entered a mental zone that requires some self-examination.  If your heart is pounding and your legs are weak, you might have a problem on your hands.

Hands on Flesh

More often than not, kissing will lead to a hand under your top, or a hand down the back of your dress/jeans, or a hand in between your legs and inside your vagina.  Kissing may also lead to the unzipping of a guy’s pants and the fondling of his cock, although I think men are more aggressive and women more accepting in this situation.  We have, after all, many more places to be touched.  If you have an orgasm, you are in deep trouble.  If he has an orgasm brought on by you, then you are in deeper trouble.  It is at this point that escape from the next highest level of adultery is almost impossible.

Oral Sex

I’m not talking about oral sex when you are in bed with someone-that's a given.  I’m talking about spur of the moment oral sex.  So, it is almost inevitable that, if a guy brings a woman to orgasm with his fingers, she will drop to her knees to give him a blow job.  It’s only fair, after all.  What is less common is a guy dropping to his knees to eat a woman’s pussy or, perhaps, sitting her up on a table and burying his face between her thighs.  By the way, I personally love it when my husband and I engage in spontaneous oral sex, especially when there’s a possibility of someone finding us in the act.  Anyway, once you have reached this level, it is unlikely that you will not proceed to the next, but you still have the chance to walk away from the situation with minimal damage to your relationship.

Plain Old Sex

Need I say more?  His wife is out of town, your husband is out of town, you go to his place or he comes to yours or, most likely, you wind up in a hotel somewhere.  He will eat your pussy and you will suck his cock.  You will fuck like crazy-like you’re possessed.  You try ever position, each of you trying to determine what the other likes best.  You’ll come at least twice, perhaps many more times than that.  And, when it comes time to leave, you will feel empty inside, but not as empty as you will feel when you have to confront your spouse.  You are now lost and recovery from this situation virtually impossible.  Add toys to this situation and you are way lost.

Anal Sex

This is where my husband and I had a bit of an argument.  He stated that a woman having anal sex with another man is the worst sin on the planet, while a man having anal sex with another woman is somehow less egregious.  In any event, we both finally agreed that this anal sex is incredibly personal and special so it is indeed a much higher level of adultery than “plain old sex” for both men and women.  A short while after we reached this agreement, though, my husband was like, “but what if the guy’s wife won’t let him and…”  I gave him such a look, like with x-ray eyes, that he shut right up and mumbled something like, “yeah, you’re right.”  Darn right I’m right!  Oh-you are totally lost now.

Threesomes/Foursomes

No, I’m not talking about agreed-to group sex in which your spouse participates.  I’m talking about a situation in which a woman finds herself with more than one man who is not her husband, or a man finds himself with more than one woman who is not his wife, or you happen to be with a a bunch of people none of whom are your spouse.  Because it is unlikely that there is a mental or romantic aspect to multi-partner sex, I didn’t actually view this as bad as, say, kissing.  It’s just sex.  My husband carefully explained how getting into a situation like this indicated a lack of respect for a spouse and, therefore, there was indeed a mental aspect to it.  I had to agree.  Multi-partner sex with non-spouses is worse than anal sex, especially since threesomes/foursomes can include anal sex.

So, there you have it-my list of levels of adultery.  Feel free to suggest other levels.  And, by the way, these levels apply if a woman is with another woman and if a man is with another man.