Good suggestion. I have tried to do that since I think that it is only polite. However, I find the technology and my shortcomings makes it difficult for me to do so. Because I am new and apparently have a poor short-term memory, I have to have two screens open -- one to see all the comments, and one to comment in. More than once I have made a detailed response to each and every person who commented on my work, only to have it disappear. I will admit that I did not then spend another 20 or 30 minutes or so re-writing it. Instead, I issued a general comment of thanks.

I am not sure what the etiquette is here. Some people respond to every single comment, either immediately, or in a long list afterward. Of course, when a commenter is left off that list, it's easy to feel slighted. I also think that some people respond constantly to keep their blog in the limelight, and there's only so much energy I can put toward that. Some people also respond by PM, as I have on several occasions.

There are definitely favourites here, as is normal on social networking sites, but it can be a bit disillusioning for new writers to put stuff out there and have it ignored in favour of the latest rambling from a regular that may or not have any literary value. I've noticed that some long-term posters blog 2 or 3 times a day, which further lessens the opportunity for newcomers to be noticed.

I have a few ideas that might work to solve some of these issues, but I'm not comfortable bringing them up just yet. But I did want to agree with your post, and also shed light on some of the problems with acknowledging every single comment that someone makes on a blog.

I forgot -- see! -- that if someone is writing a lot on OS and time is an issue, perhaps responding in general to comments makes more sense. I know that works best for me but if it is considered a breach of etiquette here, I will change my ways forthwith. :)

Emma said everything I wanted to.

I have probably unintentionally insulted a lot of people by not even replying to PM's because I'm that easily distracted.

Responding to comments is a wise course of action, but it can easily become habit forming!
(rated)

thanks. though I either had read that or figured it out. Being a blabbermouth, I have no problem...except the distraction of work
*sigh*

I am torn. I don't like the lisoid version because it seems perfunctory, but responding to each message individually is too much if the thread is busy.

Also resonding to each and every response is a means of keeping it in the activity feed that bumps everybody else when that real estate is valuable for getting other posts in.

Friending keeps you in the righthand window of a lot of people. I rarely send posts about my posts, but my avatar is very distinctive, one solid color, mostly white so high visibility and esy to distinguish from others. Your avatar is important because most people will remember "what you look like" better than our name.

I recognise "friends" that I like to read and click on them without much attention to the subject line, although an accurate subject line is critical for me. If I go to your blog several times and get the "bait and switch" where you just used a topical subject line but the post was not really about that...I learn to distrust you. So, in general, keep it accurate, make your face memorable, and as Kelly said, comment appropriately.

Also, if your blog is updated regularly but not five times a day, people will make a habit of checking in. I am currently posting a haiku/visual a day, and people are starting to check in with not much of a comment, just a brief shout out. I like that. It keeps me in touch with people but not too much effort for either of us, although I do try and make the haiku interesting.

I don't go for a lot of responsive commenting there in those posts because I am embarrassed when people compliment me, but I want to put the work up. The embarrassment stops me from commenting, so I usually offer a general thank you and say anything that popped into my head from the general conversation without specifically directing the return comment. I don't think this is rude, rather it slights no one by singling out no one, making it more conversational. Or at least that is what I am trying to do.

Is that rude?

Commenting is like shouting "Amen" on a regular basis in a Baptist or Pentecostal church. It will get you noticed, but it wont get you to heaven.

So, "Amen" to this post..

This one's for Emma.... (lol) ... Double windows often crash for me, too. I've discovered that typing my comments into notepad and then pasting them into the OS comment box works. That way, I can scroll down and read comments, type into notepad, paste - voila!

It's a fine line. It depends what your intent is. A lot of people post comments that have little to do with the writing and more to do with their own personal experiences. If I am asked questions in the comments section, I try my best to address them. If someone says "thank, nice post" while I appreciate it (very much so) it doesn't say much about whether they like the writing or the subject matter. Responding with a a "you're welcome" just to keep it in the feed seems self-serving and unfair. I actually love when a thread of engaging comments gets going in posts where I can interact with the author and banter, spar, laugh, disagree or whatever. For writing that I really enjoy, I try to focus on specifics of what I liked and why. I think this is useful for everyone. Rated for bringing up good points and I have to agree with Rjaxon as well. Just because people make comments like "this was nice" doesn't mean you are going to win the Pulitzer. Just because others make comments like "you are a skilled writer and I like your use of metaphors" doesn't mean others will jump over to read the work. It's basically a lottery. Nobody should expect to "win".

The reason I blog is because I like to have some of these conversations which are difficult to have in real life, so comments are important. I'm grateful for every one, and I like to say so.

Thanks for the advice! As a newbie here it can be a little overwhelming and disconcerting. I don't have the time to post everyday, and I'd prefer to take my time to post something that (at least I think) is quality and worthwhile. So I'm probably only going to post one or two times a week.
I did try to respond to the four or so wonderful and generous comments I recieved. Special thanks to emma peel who was the first to comment on my post!
Thanks again for the advice Kelly.

Thanks for bringing this up. Here's one thing I've wondered about a lot: When I post a comment, I usually don't go back to the person's blog to see if they responded to my comment. Are others doing this? Is it better to respond in a personal message?

Thank you for this. It's nice to see seasoned veterans breaking it down for the spanking freshies like me.

Kellylark,
You are a sweet and generous soul! I hope your suggestions to newbies have been well received.
My page is like my home; the comments are the conversation.
Having readers is incredibly wonderful and something that is lacking in the "real" world.
No shame in working the system (eg commenting upon each one singly) when you are new or have a post that you really want read.
Because the comment box has become unreliable, I will usually only respond to 2 or 3 at a time and usually copy as I go so I do not lose it.
Having readers who are writers is a wonderful.

Kelly I TRY to respond to each comment. I'm not judging those who don't, because time is of the essence. But, you're right, it can come off as arrogant in many eyes.

rated

Emma writes: "There are definitely favourites here, as is normal on social networking sites, but it can be a bit disillusioning for new writers to put stuff out there and have it ignored in favour of the latest rambling from a regular that may or not have any literary value."

There often is not any relationship between the attention a post gets and its quality. But at the same time, let's not be too hard on the "regulars."

I suppose I'm a regular now, and most anything I write ends up with some ratings and comments, sometimes far more than what I expected. But when I started here it wasn't like that. In fact my first post didn't generate any response at all until two months after I had posted it.

In the last 8 months I've done almost 50 posts, some successful, some unsuccessful. I show up literally every day and read, rate, and comment on other people's posts. For every post I write, I rate and comment on vastly more posts from other people. I go out of my way to try to find posts from new people. This is what I've done for eight months now. I'm sure that people know me more from my comments than from my posts.

And something to remember -- if you comment on someone else's active post you WILL get read.

You occasionally will see a new member get a lot of response to a first post, and some people make a big splash when they arrive. But this is not the norm. For most of us it's a matter of "paying our dues," and slowly building relationships and a readership over time.

As Kelly says, it is very important to respond to comments. You don't have to respond to every single comment, and if there are a lot of comments it can be impossible to do. But I have seen many cases in which a new person makes a first post, people take the time to respond, and then we never hear back from the writer at all. Depending on the topic I can spend a half hour or an hour writing a single comment. It's frustrating to do that on a new person's post, and then never hear back from the person. Responding to comments as much as possible is part of building relationships.

And that's the key here. It's not about any one post and it's not about keeping posts in the activity queue. It's about building relationships over time, and if you do that everything else follows.

As ePriddy says having an avatar is important. It doesn't have to be fancy, but if someone doesn't care enough about his own blog to spend two minutes putting up some kind of picture, why should I care what he has to say?

And at some point quality DOES matter. Correct spelling and grammar, some formatting, and maybe a graphic encourage people to read the whole post. It is amazing to see what some people post here -- vast unbroken blocks of unformatted and misspelled text that their own mothers wouldn't bother to read.

It's an excellent point. However, I have to admit that, when pressed for time, I do not comment on my own thread. Instead, I comment on other threads. Lately, I have been very pressed for time. I love to get comments. I read them with delight. I chuckle, groan, agree, disagree, etc. BUT if pressed for time, I'd rather comment on someone else's blog.

IF this means people stop commenting on mine because they want a response from me, that makes me sad, because I'm probably off making remarks on theirs at that very moment. I often chase down commentators after they say something on my blog, so that I can say something on theirs.

So, good advice, but not always doable for me, I'm afraid.

I still am lousy at doing this, afraid to bump the feed one to many times and annoy someone.

Kellylark! You haven't responded to anybody's comments. :P

While I think you make a valid point, I think also that anyone should have the freedom to use their blog forum as they appropriately please. I make comments on blogs I feel are worth while to me (like yours) but I don't expect a full blown conversation. I make my point and move on, as I do with my blogs. I also agree a lot with Cartouche.

Thanks Kelly and all for this discussion. I was guilty of not responding to all my comments initially, and would like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize for not acknowledging comments on a couple of my posts. I try very hard now to acknowledge each person who visits and leaves a comment. It is not my intent to keep my blog in the limelight, however. Will try to be mindful of that.

I don't post often but when I do and I get comments, I am flattered, thrilled, grateful. I do try to respond to all - with this crowd, you can bet they're all smart, funny, sincere, thoughtful, engaging. But I recently posted something that got many comments and as much as I loved responding to them, I found that I missed out on the reading part of this experience; checking out other people's blogs, which I also love. There's so much good content on here (OS), once I get on, it's hard to tear me away. I can't imagine what bloggers do when they get a ton of comments and also have a job, kids, full bladder, etc. So, while I do agree with you that it's polite (and FUN) to respond to comments, you have to give people a break who can't respond to every one. I also agree with a few suggestions here that I wish there was a way to follow a thread of comments - like a box by your avatar that said "your comment has been read and there is a response" (although that seems technologically tricky) since I almost never go back to where I posted a comment to see what the response was. Sometimes I forget where I was and can't navigate my way back! (d'oh!)

It's something I'd love to be able to do--the problem is, there are only so many hours in the day, and all the time I'd spend responding to comments on my own blog is time not spent reading and commenting on others'.

I have tried to check out the blogs of every single person who has commented on mine, and I've left comments on quite a few (though not all). Please remember though, that just because I haven't commented doesn't mean I don't like it--it may just mean that someone else has already said what I'm thinking, but better, and I don't want to be redundant.

Rated.

Polite indeed, EP et al., and it's important, too.

But I do find it difficult to navigate around. I like to check back to see if a comment I've made has been responded to (usually) or if it's sparked a new line of discussion (seldom), but I lose track easily. Must be old age or summat. Anyway, am I missing an easy way to do this?

You know, you have to approach this whole thing with a "reasonableness" standard in place. We are all people who allegedly have lives beyond OS (none of us would be interesting to read if we didn't!) Keeping up with everyone's expectations of ettiquette on the OS takes TIME, the one commodity in the modern age no one has enough of, and some of us have less than others.

I try to respond to every comment on my blog for the first few days it is up. This requires checking back in periodically to do so effectively. I wind up using the "two screen" approach to make sure I get everybody alot of the time. But there are times when I post and then for whatever reason, I can't get back online for a few days. At that point there may be way more comments than i could possibly respond to. At that point a thank you to everyone who commented, an apology for not being able to get to each, and quick responses to the few that could not go unanswered should be enough to satisfy anyone that you're being decorous.

Private messages tend to flummox me more sometimes. Blogwhoreing emails I do not respond to, but I do often read what is sent to me. I might not. People who send personal notes nearly ALWAYS get a response.

I do often go back and see if a writer has responded to a comment I have made. I try to check out blogs of people who comment on my blog. I try (but often fail) to thank someone who I have never seen before or see infrequently in my comment section for stopping by and reading. Unlike a lot of folks here, I do not publicly state whether I have rated a piece in a comment. Part of that is because very often, because of time constraits, i will rate without commenting.

I think in the end, we all just need to step back and be compassionate with each other about this. We are all strapped for time, and how we choose to spend our time on this site is going to be individual to everyone. Play nice with others, and be involved and that's really all you need to do. You'll get tons of advice on what to do to get noticed or be liked, but in the end, just be reasonable and compassionate and involved and your OS experience should go fine.

BTW -- "some of us have less than others" is not a dig at anyone or about anything. That's me not editing properly for tone. Sorry.

Wow, so many comments! How can I respond???

My original point was aimed towards real newbies, who have a few posts, a few comments, and no responses. I'd looked back at a couple of mine last night and found no replies to me or any of the sparse comments there, and was a bit frustrated. Also, it makes me sad for the new posters who worked very hard on their post, and took a leap of courage to put it out here, and don't even get a comment!

There are many great points made in the comments posted here, and good questions.

Wether to respond individually or generally is a personal choice. I do both. Today's list is much to long to thank you all or reply individually, so a general "Thanks for looking in and commenting!" will have to suffice.

To some of the questions:

There is no easy way to find your own comments, except for the last 5 or so that show up in the right sidebar. I do have a good memory and sometimes I remember more, but not always.

Yes, there are "regulars" and "old-timers" here, but newbies break through regularly too.

Don't worry about bumping yourself in the activity feed, I have never once looked at that and thought somebody had commented on their comments just to bump their post! Have you thought that?

Some oldies ;-) made good points for the newbies too here, see epriddy and mishima and o'steph. In as much as it takes time to write these things, it shows that we really do want to read new posters.

Have patience, make friends, and keep on keepin on. I love this place, despite the flaws some have been posting about (virtually since it opened there have been gripes). I am here for fun, entertainment, and "meeting" new people through their writing.

Thanks again to all who particiapted here!

Thanks Liz-

More good advice from a well-respected veteran!

Kelly,

Good advice and sensible, but the real world collides into the virtual which translates into something like this: sometimes you just can't comment on every comment in a timely way.

Very good point, Nancy. It really bothers me when I take the time to comment and receive no response. Thanks.

Several of the commenters on this thread have read or commented on this post from November, which asked questions about etiquette on Open Salon, but for those folks who haven't come across it, you might be interested.

On the specific advice that Kellylark gives, I think it's great.

Eeeep. It appears I may be inadvertently offending people.

I drop back in to my comment space in the day or two after a blog goes up and answer questions, but in general, I don't do the singling-out-every-commenter-for-a-response thing.

I've always hoped that "Thanks for dropping by and saying something and I love that you read this piece and left a comment!" is sort of understood, and I generally only reply to comments that trigger another original throught or requested further commentary from me.

Ouch.

Maybe I should go blog an apology for not being the best comment-responder in the world.



No, too meta. But I'll look at replying to comments in a different way, if at all practical, too. (The constraints of work hours also limit, practically, the ability to answer every comment in real time, and I've always found the great big "George, great to see you/Sarah, yeah, me too/Billy, don't be a hero/Sara, smile" replies to be kind of daunting to put together.)

Should I respond to each poster individually, privately? Or should I post a comment in comments to acknowledge all the great responses? Thanks! How do we know that the original posters go back to see if you've responded?

I have difficulty being one of those writers who posts on their blog and then virtually ignores the readers. It would be easier if they were merely "fans" but they are not just fans: everyone on OS is a "writer" on some level, and it seems only fair to support the writing of others if they are supporting yours with their perceptions, insights, suggestions, no? That is how I understand what is meant by a "writing community". I don't get those who accept support and then offer none in return.

Good post, Kelly. I think the comments and responding to them are not just marks of ordinary common courtesy but the essential social lubrication of the Salon part of OS and which distinguishes it as a blog site PLUS a social network.

I generally avoid the now increasingly common RSS feed posts where the posters clearly are not members of the community (proof is lack of response to comments or responses through some bot).

And as for me, I'll generally comment and respond, if only with a WOOF. But then I've been told my one WOOF is worth a thousand words :-).

WOOF

I also find it odd when people post and then don't respond to the comments. And i also tend not to go back to those blogs. (Not if just my comment was ignored but if the writer didn't respond to any of the comments.) Maybe that's not fair, but it seems to me that OS is about dialogue, not just blogging. If you don't want to respond to comments, then turn comments off. You have that choice for every post you write. Otherwise, as mishima said, you spend precious time writing something in Comments and then feel you wasted it when it's ignored. That's irritating to say the least.

Or put another way: When you read someone's blog, you are listening to them and commenting is like "active listening" - showing you heard them. Responding to comments is reciprocal - the blogger shows that s/he listened and heard. If the listening only goes one way, it doesn't feel good.

The first post I made here got attention that I didn't expect and I was overwhelmed by the comments and didn't respond to them the way I respond to comments now. I didn't really know what the culture was (I confess that I spent only a little time looking at OS before signing up to do my first post).

What I've found interesting is that what is most rewarding to me now is precisely the comments I get on posts. I love the dialogue and I do try to respond to almost all of them. But I don't think one has to be anal and acknowledge every single comment, esp if you get a lot on a post, or if some are just brief "good post" type comments. I just like to read writers that respond to, say, at least half the comments they get and/or make a general response acknowledging that they read the comments and appreciated them.

thank you for bringing this up - in general, yes. comments should be replied to, as much as possible. but then i come to the comment that i am really not sure how to respond to - and it doesn't have to be anything out of the ordinary, just a comment that causes a reaction akin to shyness in me - and *bam* i find i can't respond. i don't know. most of us are trying to be a part of the commuity in our own ways. hopefully occasionally not responding directly to a comment will be overlooked. hopefully.

rated

Gotcha. There are many fine examples of bloggers who respond to replies. The best of them include the respondent's screen name. Nice touch.

Thanks for the tips.

Christian, point of OS etiquette: it's a very good idea to include the screen name of the person you are addressing in your comment (either the original poster or another comment maker), out of both politeness as well as to mitigate confusion.

For example, your "I'm a little astonished you took it upon yourself to e-mail writers who didn't respond to your comments to their posts. " Who are you addressing? What are you talking about? I'm sure it won't be the end of the world if you don't answer but inquiring dawgs want to know.

WOOF

Second response type: Individual

This is an example of an individualized reply to a bunch of posts. Some very knowledgeable and respected community members have added their advice.

But first, I agree with everyone who mentioned the time issue -ahem, I should be working as I speak :-) But again, i was really speaking to new-comers who may not even know about this custom of responding to comments. Clearly there are plenty of questions about it- most of which I remember having in August when I jumped in (I am not an oldie either!)

k1mjaye – Nobody should take this post personally, it really is just a pointer for new-comers.

Lauren - Exactly how I feel, but really only when it is a new-comer. When there are only one or two comments and you’re brand new, you should at least acknowledge those who took the time to read and comment. But you are a sterling responder, and it is a thoughtful thing to be.

Rob – Thanks. I’ve found all of your meta posts very helpful. If I remember correctly, you’ve called for a cataloging of all of these types of posts. I did go back and add all of your tags to this post. To all newcomers, be sure to read Rob’s helpful posts and the others logged under the topic tag “os user manual”.

Verbal noooo!!! Nobody is suggesting you go back and respond individually to everyone! You are not a newbie and I wasn’t talking to you :-p You get tons and post often of comments and it is not practical to respond individually every time. We know that!

Deborah – You can’t know if commenters go back to look for responses. Some do, and some don’t. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. How you respond is up to you, but I will say, if you are new, and you only have 3-4 comments, it shouldn’t be too difficult to acknowledge your readers. Earlier, I had too many comments and did a group reply, while specifically acknowledging my “friends” therein, now this is individual because more of my “friends” and people I have read and admired for my entire time here have visited. See also Rob’s post mention in his comment above for more guidance.

Monsieur – Hi! I am honored by your visit and pleased to see you back. You’ve been missed and your comment is right on the money.

CCC – Your WOOFs are easily more than 1000 words to me. As you know :-)

More later -

Christian and CCC: He is talking about what I said in the post:
"I once had a habit of emailing promising new bloggers about a few tips to get noticed on OS. After mixed results, I quit offering unsolicited advice"

But he misunderstood me. My intent in those emails was to help new-comers I enjoyed to be seen and heard here, in part so they would not get discouraged and quit. The email gave several tips, of which responding to comments was only 1. CCC, you know that 3-4 times I have emailed you with new writers - and before I did that (except in this latest case, and it shows) I have emailed the new writer with various tips about joining in and being seen - such as adding friends, commenting on other's posts, AND responding to comments to ensure they understand the etiquette since I am asking very busy people to go check out their new blog.


Karen - that's too funny, but I understand exactly how you feel! Iam not always a sterling responder myself.

Silkstone: Exactly my sentiments. Thanks for restating and adding so much to my original, breif thoughts.

km- remember, nobody is saying or even thinking that every comment needs an individual response. Really :-)

zuma - thank you too!

I think I might be one of the newbies you're talking about. I promise I wasn't ignoring the messages or unappreciative. I just wasn't sure about responding. For me it's part of being a newbie. Thanks for letting me know it's OK (and appreciated).

P.S. I responded to your comment :)

Thanks Kelly for posting this, it's very helpful and I've learned much from all the imput on this.

Kelly: Yes, it was precisely Christian's jumping to the unwarranted conclusion that it was you e-mailing people for not responding to your comments which came out of left field and I was pointing out to him. But since he'd already said he didn't revisit comments, he won't be back to see it anyway :-).

WOOF

Well, sure, Kelly, you say it's OK now, but then I read PF saying her feelings get hurt if people don't reply to her comments, and I start thinking "Oh, shit, have I ever slighted PF in comments at my blog, and oh no what about other people who just aren't speaking up and oh my god i am a lousy blogger and a miserable member of this community after all i went away for like five days over the holidays and i never did go back and read all the stuff my buddies put up while i was gone let alone comment on it and crap crap crap..."

And that's why I posted "No Reply" over at my blog.

NN2R

Great suggestion, KellyLark.
On the outside, that seems not to occur and, often, folks don't notice the community aspect here first.
Some even think posters do it to run up comments. I think it is just polite and try to answer everyone I can.

I have a doughnut. Want it?