Kellylark's Blog

MAY 22, 2009 9:50PM

If YOU Die, How Will I know?

Rate: 20 Flag

So I am not a writer, and this is not a community, but I feel like I belong to a very special "other world"  where I meet and greet and sometimes get to know people in my real life, but I always find people of of "my preferred ilk" here on OS.

 I have lived in on-line communities since 1996, and I have real-life friends from then still active in my now real-life. 

Since 1996, the question for on-line relationships has always been, how will I know if something happens to you?  Things always happened to people in my real-life, so it seemed natural that things would happen to my on-line friends.

Most people typing away on-line do so in solitary -for whatever reason.  (Although there are notable couple-exceptions here on OS!).  Maybe not so much here because we live among so many real writers and artists who publish under real names.  But most of us write aloud anonymously for safety reasons, and become available in real-life to all those we learn to trust. 

Maybe nobody we love in our real lives even knows about our OS.  They wouldn't know to tell OS if something happened to one of us.  My guy knows.

Dakini Dancer's (Josie's) sudden death brought this all home for me.  Back in the pioneer days, several companies set-up to provide notification to your on-line worlds in the event of your tragic death.  I doubt they still exist in today's technology environment, but the concept is still extremely  valid.

If YOU died suddenly and tragically tomorrow, how would we know?

Who in YOUR life will come here and explain?  Will we be left to just think you disappeared? 

I know I check up on missing friends in PM.  I worry.  I am especially worried about one of our own right now. 

 Please use the beloved Dakini Dancer's example once more - make sure that someone you love knows how to do what Judy did for her beloved Aunt.

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Patricia, how would I know?
Kellylark
May 22, 2009 10:01 PM
My ex- actually has a list with instructions of who to notify and he would make a post at Open Salon. Also I think AOL will release the address book after death for an announcement so he knows to do that. Making that list really sucked though ;0)
Dorinda D.
May 22, 2009 10:10 PM
I just commented along the lines of this post. It's something we should all think about. A friend of mine had a brother who was very active on the internet. When he passed away he had no way of notifying his hundreds of far flung friends and yahoo would not give him the password to his brother's account even though he had a death certificate.

It is really making me think, not just wills and trusts and things but, as you said, who would inform my friends here? And then there is the awful thought that no one would notice my absence.... sniff.
Ablonde
May 22, 2009 10:12 PM
I will make a list of all people to notify, including OS of course, and give it to my sons. Good thinking.
Lea Lane
May 22, 2009 10:15 PM
So few of us are prepared for death. My husband and I don't have a will, and he and his daughter and most of his friends are lawyers or criminologists. It's shocking. I have a sort of living will where I have made arrangements for my pets -- far too few people do that -- and what money I have left, and my significant possessions, but that feels inadequate. Now I will add OS to that list, and make getting a proper will a priority.
emma peel
May 22, 2009 10:21 PM
Excellent suggestion. We should all put that in our will/living trust. Please alert all on-line forums of my death. Thanks.
Deborah Young
May 22, 2009 10:24 PM
Jodi had the idea for a registry. At the least, we should have a buddy system. Good thoughts.
pretend_farmer
May 22, 2009 10:27 PM
I don't know that my death would be that important in the big scheme of things. I trust that it would be found out eventually by anyone who was interested enough.
Jeanette DeMain
May 22, 2009 10:40 PM
It's a good question, thanks for making everyone think of this. In my case, my husband knows my passwords and the communities I visit, and would get online and inform people. (Well... hopefully he would be able to do this.)

I have a tendency to "fade" in and out of online communities, which can worry those who know that I'm in poor health. I assure you, if I were really dead, someone would update my blog!
Allie Griffith
May 22, 2009 10:42 PM
I vote that no one else dies! I'm not biodegradable, I don't want to be the last one here.

(I like the idea of a buddy system.)
Freaky Troll
May 22, 2009 10:48 PM
Good idea. I know when I don't see someone's avatar for a while I always wonder where they went. I could never have conceived of anyone passing away before this tragedy. In some ways, the words people share on here make them immortal. To me, Dakini will always be alive in that last post of hers.
Debra Victoroff
May 22, 2009 10:48 PM
My husband knows. I´m not planning to die at all, but he knows my username and password to OS. Very good thinking.
Marcela in English
May 22, 2009 11:58 PM
Freaky - I vote that nobody else dies too. Voted and Passed.
Kellylark
May 23, 2009 12:08 AM
Well, after our long conversation about this and many other things this evening, I believe you know and trust that this will be taken care of via my sister. Very smart thinking and a too timely post.
cartouche
May 23, 2009 12:15 AM
Imagine if your world never got to see the real you.
Kellylark
May 23, 2009 12:22 AM
I have long thought that a web service could be offered which would require subscribers to sign in every so often, and if they didn't, an email would be sent which would require a response. If no response was received, another email would be sent to designated persons with instructions on online sites to be notified, accounts to be closed, etc.

I haven't worked out all the details, but I think this would be a service which many, especially those without a loved one living with them (like me) would benefit from.
Wayne Gallant
May 23, 2009 12:25 AM
Yes Wayne, that is what we need. It just hasn't paid off yet for companies that have tried it
Kellylark
May 23, 2009 12:32 AM
How will I kmow??????
Kellylark
May 23, 2009 12:56 AM
"If YOU Die, How Will I know?"

Just listen for the cheering and applause.
mr e
May 23, 2009 02:14 AM
@Kellylark -- "Imagine if your world never got to see the real you."

Imagine if they only got to see you when you were dead.
mr e
May 23, 2009 02:17 AM
@Wayne -- "I have long thought that a web service could be offered which would require subscribers to sign in every so often"

I have heard of such a service-- in fact two such services. Can't recall their names offhand-- probably google would know... let's see...

Yes, a quick google got me to this link with more information:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/05/18/death.online/index.html
mr e
May 23, 2009 02:20 AM
Good points here Kelly. I guess I will notify my closest friend with the password on my account.
I can't even think of the friends who no longer post here.
Geezer94njust took down his blogs and post. No answer to my emails of pm's. It is scary for me to think about.
Mission
May 23, 2009 06:43 AM
I think it's good for people to have personal notify lists of all of their virtual friends, but also I suggested to the Editors here that they create a profile option which allows each person to specify an email address of someone else who can speak with authority on such questions in the case of some extraordinary claim. A sort of personal proxy. Some very private people might leave it blank (or put themselves under another email address), but we'd be no worse off. In other cases, they might put a spouse or a friend or family member. At least then if that person contacted OS or if OS needed to contact them, it would be easier to establish the credential to speak on such matters.
Kent Pitman
May 23, 2009 06:55 AM
I'm glad you put your thoughts down on this. My contact in this regard is updated.
scupper
May 23, 2009 07:03 AM
no one will come. I will just be gone.
D Art
May 23, 2009 09:27 AM
PF mentioned that I had cooked up an idea for a registry. Unfortunately, after speaking with several folks who know about such things, the liability of everyone's personal information is just too great.

Find someone you love and trust here. Give them your real name, address and phone number. Exchange Yule cards and send each other funny presents. Pray that's all you ever need it for.

(thumbified because we all need to think about this.)
Jodi Kasten
May 23, 2009 10:16 AM
I'm adding this to the memorials and tributes post to Josie, because this is an important thing not only to consider, but do something about.
cartouche
May 23, 2009 10:59 AM
At another forum I visit, we set up a buddy system, as mentioned earlier. That friend has all the needed info to let people know if something should happen.

Fortunately, my "buddy" there is also most other places I post, including here.

Good reminder. Thanks.
Charity Cash
May 23, 2009 11:18 AM
this is an excellent thought. thank you for bringing this up. one of my very close friends on here was away for weeks and i was going nuts, not knowing if she was okay. she's back, thank god, but i now going to ask all of my good friends to have a system in place for this. i do have a place for my dogs to go if something happens to me. i don't have anyone to inform my os friends if i disappear, but i'll think of something thanks to you!! love love love
Theodora L'Engle Knight
May 23, 2009 01:31 PM
Great thoughts, Kelly. But mostly, I vote what Freaky said ;)
Donna Sandstrom
May 23, 2009 02:12 PM
Sounds like the buddy system or the loved one system will work, you just have to think about it ahead of time - but yeah, I'm still voting with Freaky too.
Kellylark
May 23, 2009 03:07 PM