There has been discussion on OS from time to time about "the C word". Women especially seem to despise it. I've always had an opinion that I've kept to myself, but tonight I liberated my thoughts about the supposed ignominy of the word cunt.
Words, as we all know, have no power except the power that we give them. The word cunt long ago lost the power it had for me as a woman. I became inured against it. It is just a word. Usually, it is the tone and inflection and the particular user that give it power.
Tonight, I found myself seated at a patio bar on a fabulously breezy and perfect S. Florida night totally engaged in the clutches of a 0-0 Red Sox vs Yankees game in about the 10th inning when the seats besides me were about to be occupied by two young men. I informed them that they must be Sox fans to sit there, and claiming the Marlins as their team, they braved the opening next to me at the bar. Our conversation about things drifted along through the 11th inning. They were rare S. FL natives, and even more rare, of clear ethnic heritage as 1st generation Italian Americans. They despised Sarah Palin and George Bush. I really liked these young men! They thought some women were crazy; we discussed young women and young men. Somewhere along the line, the umpire made a bad call against my team and I shouted at the TV "You fucking cunt".
The boys (age 23 and 27) were shocked into silence. I then engaged them in a rather deep (for a bar) discussion of the use and the hurt of the word "cunt" when aimed at women. I explained that I consider it to be just a word, which when used, expresses a degree of heinous action that can be applied to any behavior, male or female.I asked them to try it - try calling some man who pissed them off royally a "cunt". The ex-navy guy said his comrades would laugh at that as an insult. I told him to use the tone and inflection he'd use if he ever used it on a woman, and he stopped to think. First they thought of their Moms, who would beat them to death for ever using that word :-)
They asked my Sweetheart what it meant to call a man a cunt. He responded "Think of a man you know who is a wuss, with no courage or wits, who is granted a position of power without merit, and then uses it to denigrate the men OR women beneath him. That man is a cunt."So they started to get it. The ex-Navy guy caught on fast. There are lots of male cunts in the ranks. The Italian thought of his father, whom he regularly tells to fuck off. The apparent joy of adding “Fuck off CUNT” was quite inspiring. Oh well.
I then took the time to explain my feminist viewpoint of the word. Gender slurs should be equal-opportunity. If enough men start calling other men cunts, because let's face it, they deserve it, the word loses its power.
To Dom and Nick, I thank you for your young, open, minds. I appreciate that you will now enjoy introducing your young male friends to the equal opportunity slur of the word cunt. Most of all, I appreciate the fact that you absolutely understood why you should face the potential ridicule of the rest of your male world to take a chance and gleefully start calling the pricks and dicks and assholes among the men that you know cunts. I left them planning on exactly how and where they would use the word to shock and wake the world of firefighters, EMTs and Navy men they live among.Words only have the power we give them.
Cunt as a slur against women is going to die soon. That’s my small but real contribution to feminism tonight at the bah.
Update: The Red Sox lost in the 15th- fuck that.
2nd update: I changed the title because it seemed too bodacious a week later, but I didn't delete the whole thing because that felt dishonest :-)
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Con Chapman
Mary Wollstonecraft
ronnierayjenkins
Redstocking Grandma
Rutilus Extraho
Nom de Plume
Salon.com
Comments
I LOVE this post - I love that you taught young men to respect women - you being the stand in for all of us - and to expect some sass. Some balls.
The Red Sox are stupid fucking cunts these days. Tragic.
To me, cunt is a part of my anatomy- one that's bought me a great deal of pleasure, and I dislike the word for it being used as an insult. Dick, prick etc aren't parts of my anatomy, but I happen to like those parts on others, and those words make shitty insults too.
Your belief that encouraging men to insult eachother using words that pertain to women, and that's some how feminist just blows my mind. From " you throw like a girl" to " you're whining like a little bitch" - when men use feminine terms to refer to other men, it's always to suggest that the men are defective- because- gasp! they're like women. You just added to that kind of thinking- ugh!
Men call other men pussies all the time but almost in a playful way of saying "sissy". The use of either of these words when applied to a man or a woman degrades either one but especially women.
I have never understood the use of the word "fuck" to be an insult or describe something bad. Fucking is only bad, to my mind, if associated with violence.
So, along with neutering the word "cunt", how about taking on "fuck"? When someone says, "Fuck you.", I will respond with, "Well, I'm game if you are but do you have condoms 'cause I'm all out?" or "My place or yours? How long since your last HIV test?"
Hey, Sharon
My wife loves the word, and that's what she calls her own vagina, especially when she's turned on. "Fuck my cunt" just has a certain lusty ring to it, I had to admit.
Now I realize that the word is just a word and we should try to respect people. If they don't like it, don't say it around them. If they do, use it.
I guess one's take on the word cunt depends on one's major association with it. For me, it was usually as an insult to a female. I don't ever consider it a "part of my anatomy" kind of word. Could be my Puritan upbringing, before I got out into the world.
Sorry some of you don't like my "mode" of feministing. Too bad. I've done a lot more productive things along the way; this was just a funny little example. Don't get yer knickers in a twist now! (An excellent equal-opportunity term).
I really just don't want that well-known slur used against women in the generally vicious way it is. No reason we can't use it for men too. Aim's example "The Red Sox are stupid fucking cunts these days" is an excellent example. And tragically true!
I agree with those who find the word erotic in the heat of passion - for themselves. It doesn't do that for me - again - because of my experiences.
Anyway, thanks to all for taking the time. I must say, when the topic has been discussed here before, these "pro-cunt" voices were quiet (as was mine at the time).
Roses - isn't that my point? Degenderize it by applying the negative connotation of the word to men as well as women. Just cos they don't have one (and I personally never use that word as an anatomical part of a female) doesn't mean they can't be one.
Get over it!
Ever see the look Sarah Palin gets in her eyes when she's about to tell another whopper? The cunt look.
I've used it to describe men, but only to their face. When I am seriously ready to kick ass. When I want to embarass and humiliate. Has not happened very often. As you say, equal opportunity.
Which raises a pertinent question: Do you consider Bill Buckner to be a cunt?
Sarah Palin though ... vicious, nasty, using her position for evil, lying and inciting violence, you betcha she's a cunt. So is Dick Cheney, but even cunt is not a strong enough word for him.
How did the men take it when you used it to their face? The young men at the bar thought they'd be laughed at for that!
"Is Bill Buckner a cunt? Whyever would I think that? Gosh, most of the Nation has forgiven him! From what I've heard, he's led a quiet and productive life in the midwest and is certainly not a cunt!"
I was listening to an old Dennis Leary tape the other day, where he forgives Hitler, Reagan, the Pope, and even Bill Fucking Buckner. Hilarious. Nice to know you Red Sox fans have left him off the hook, though I did hear a reference at the last RS game I caught (in Seattle) to Bucky Fucking Dent.
Maybe there is hope for Steve Bartmen, but that wound is still fresh for the Cubbies.
"Sarah Palin though ... vicious, nasty, using her position for evil, lying and inciting violence, you betcha she's a cunt. So is Dick Cheney, but even cunt is not a strong enough word for him. "
As evil a sociopath as I have ever met. Long story.......
"How did the men take it when you used it to their face? The young men at the bar thought they'd be laughed at for that!"
I run 6'5", 250. Grew up as a boxer, and spent a good part of my life studying the arts of violence. Cunts fear me. For good reason, actually. Needless to say, they took it with shame as they weren't man enough to take the only option. No other choice, really: cunts are cowards, and cowards are cunts. I'm still an old fashioned man at times: if I use that word, I'm prepared to put my ass on the line to back it up.
But that's American macho culture. Brits and Aussies call each other cunts all the time, almost as a term of endearment. I've got a gay Brit friend who comes over here to ski at Whistler every year. Calls me a silly cunt occasionally. No offense taken and none intended.
When I began to read 'Time Traveller's Wife' I was shocked by Niffenegger's use of the word but inured to it at the end of the novel. It may seem coy, but I believe if Ensler's play had used this word - the 'Anecdotes from a Cunt' anyone? - I don't think it would have had such universal appeal at the time. Now, however? Yes, words have power, in their associations, their symbolic meaning; as such they evolve according to what they represent evolves. When I first encountered it, 'Cunt' was a feminist word, sacredly muttered into a circle of hand-held mirrors in a binding litany: vulva, clitoris, vagina, cunt... I can and do swear vehemently but this word was a shibboleth, learnt from the mouths of my feminist (m)others. I protected it, not for its etymology but for what it symbolised, contained within it. Like the early feminists, we have evolved. We own our bodies and we own these words. I think I agree that it's time our language reflected that - but I'll need a little more time before I become personally comfortable with the change.
Rated, belatedly - apologies!
It's a bit like a woman telling you to suck her cock, no?
Marie, the word cunt as a sacred femininst word is new to me. I get your point and I am somewhat sorry my experience leaves it only as a slur in my book.
Mary, better late then never, and I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Duane - brilliant idea! The next time some ignorant man insults me I will tell him to suck my cock and see what happens!
I've read a thread tonight that showcases the hurtful use of the word. I wonder if the fur would have flown as wildly is the user had called the female a "fucking asshole" instead. Of course, titling a post wth a person's real name and either of those insults is wildly inappropriate, but if you wrote "Kellylark is a Cunt" vs "Kellylark is a Fucking Asshole" would it matter? I can't be sure, honestly.