My dad died 5/27. I emailed the family the obit I proposed to send in, that "told the truth" about what a mixed-bag he was. The grandkids all said no. I got mad that all they saw or knew was a funny old guy who was fun, built a cool tree-house, and hosted terrific Halloween parties. My brothers and I agreed: let the grandkids run the memorial service--if they don't want to hear the truth.
The next Friday, I attended a weekend course by Landmark Education. When I entered the course, I found that I despised everyone there. I had judgments about how stupid, lame or silly everyone was. I sat for 2 hours sorting out how such an upbeat guy like me could be in such a foul mood, then, like a little voice, this came to me: "This anger and judgment you have about your dad--it has you. Those are what you are right now."
Hmmph! So I sat up straight, and declared to myself, "I celebrate the life of Don Kirk!" And again, and again. And the whole day shifted to lightness. I was invited in the course to get expressed about the obit I wanted to publish, and I said no: I am holding to, "I celebrate the life of Don Kirk." We held a memorial service last Saturday and I explained to the larger group than I had expected why it was proceeding so loosiegoosie--because of my foisting the responsibility on the grandkids, then my recent transformation. The memorial was a terrific experience, even for my brothers, and a sister in law who hated my dad. I noticed the next day there are just no "hooks" left in me. I am free, complete, unconnected to my dad. I celebrate the life of Don Kirk.