In my mind it seems so vivid and detailed, like an event extending over quite some time. But it couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds.
I was on a highway. Traffic had slowed slightly, though not enough.
There was an obstacle, clearly. The two cars ahead were moving oddly.
I scanned around instinctively, trying to interpret.
A squirrel. Trying to cross the road. Three lanes. He clearly knew the peril. I wondered what had possessed him even to try.
Like in a game of Frogger, he darted toward the edge, then like lightning reversed course and back, trying to find the safe ground.
Unlike in Frogger, the cars were not neat automatons moving in straight lines. They actually cared.
I think that their caring made it worse. The squirrel couldn’t calculate what they would do, and they couldn’t calculate what he would do.
He dived in front of one of the cars and I wondered if he’d be okay beneath, but my impression was that he must have been clipped by the front wheel. Not crushed, but flung.
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Even in being hit, he moved gracefully. Squirrel movement seems always so like a ballet. It must be the tail.
But he seemed no longer under his own power.
He wriggled and flowed like a banner in a breeze, and ended almost coiled, like someone’s furry hat blown off by the wind.
Definitely without power now. He, but also I. No way to know if he was dead or merely soon to be. It would be the same.
Nothing to do. Traffic moves on. It would take forever to loop back and be impossibly dangerous to intervene.
It was just a squirrel. And I’m not one of those “animal are people too” kinds of guys. But he wasn’t hurting anyone and no one wanted to hurt him. Just bad luck.
I wish it had been some other kind of animal, though. Squirrels are so social. As I drove away, all I could think was that he probably had a family. Just like us, he was commuting home from work.
His family probably wouldn’t get a call from the squirrel police or anything organized like that. They’d just stay up wondering. They’re intelligent creatures. They might suspect. Ultimately, one way or another, they’d know.
Nothing to be done. I drove on.
I’ve seen roadkill many times. But never so personally.
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Text copyright © 2011 by Kent Pitman. All Rights Reserved.
Photo copyright © 2010 by CoyoteOldStyle. Used with permission.
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Comments
Darla, thanks. Glad it resonated.
Julie, good to see you. Yeah, it was hard to watch play out. Thanks for empathizing.
Matt, there was a loneliness about it. Sharing the imagery doesn't make things all better, but it makes it slightly less lonely. Thanks for sharing your story, too.
I did that once. I usually don't swerve for squirrels, because I figure the squirrel will make the right decision at the last moment. the one time... and it wasn't a clean kill.
Joan, you say that like I write other things you don't understand. :( I hope if that happens you'll let me know, at least privately. That would represent a serious failure on my part that I should know about and try to work on. Either way, though, thanks for visiting, and I'm glad this hit home. :)
Joan, the squirrels (and sometimes cats) on our street do likewise. And indeed it's slow enough that they usually win. But...
trilogy, glad I managed to catch your imagination. Thanks. :)
Rated.
Lunchlady, maybe that's the killer argument (apologies for unintentional bad pun) for why we should cut back on driving (and burning fossil fuels). If people won't do it for the sake of our children and grandchildren, perhaps a “for the sparrows” campaign would do it. Sorry to hear about your incident, but—yeah, what can one do?
Philosophy with dire consequences indeed yes.
I appreciate the level of compassion you show in this piece and it strikes me emotionally. Day before yesterday, I was at an intersection with the dogs, waiting for the light to change. To our right, a hundred feet away or so, a large, highpowered contractor's truck was coming towards us. A young squirrel tried to make the crossing in front of the truck. I yelled "Oh No!"....
I was shocked, but at the same time fascinated by the cleanness of the event as the several ton vehicle with its massive tires collided with the small body. All we could hear was a soft "thup, thup!" and the poor creature lay there motionless. Buddy let out a low moan...
When the truck arrived at the light, only a few feet from us. I could see the driver, a big husky looking construction worker, holding his face in his hands, shaking his head...
The drama played out is our drama, and when we close our hearts to it, ours is the loss.
Nothing to do about it but continue to participate. A little anthropomorphism doesn't go astray - I'm glad you didn't put a waistcoat on him - you didn't need to ; he became sentient in the telling - thank you.
What I've never understood are the people who deliberately run creatures down . . .
Gary, thanks for visiting. Glad it made a connection. I'm somehow not surprised you had a corresponding story. Thanks for sharing that, too.
Larry, it wasn't a Geico commercial. I can tell because those generally make smile, if not laugh.
Kim, some good points there. Thanks!
Owl, you're not the first to suggest some people do that for sport or otherwise intentionally. It came up on my FB page where I'd cross-referenced this. I understand people doing it by accident. There seemed little opportunity for the driver who hit this one to have avoided it. But do you really think there are people who want to do this kind of thing deliberately? I just can't imagine it.
My victim was a turtle trying to cross a 4 lane highway. For quite a while drivers had been slowing a bit and swerving as teh creature slowly progressed. I would have done the same except at the moment I had to calculate my swerve, a wasp flew in through the window and buzzed my face. I jerked my head back and focused only on not swerving into some other vehicle. The thud that came a couple of seconds later told me I'd gone right over the turtle. I felt like crap.
A squirrel here had squirrel pox (apparently an awful disease for squirrels). He covered his head with his tail as my neighbors and I stood around feeling helpless, trying to keep the insects away from him unsuccessfully. Finally, someone from the forest service came and took him away. He wasn't hard to catch and seemed grateful for any sort of help at all. But, his prognosis was not good. It was tough as we stood around him, trying to think of ways to help, but not knowing any.
That's when death, life and everything else important becomes real to us. Once we see each entity as one of a kind, it's difficult to lump it into a faceless category ever again. Thanks for the eloquent reminder.
"He wriggled and flowed like a banner in a breeze, and ended almost coiled, like someone’s furry hat blown off by the wind. "
A perfect snapshot of what you saw. My son has told me the only time he's ever hit a squirrel on the road was when he (my son) tried to avoid it.
I think that speaks to your observation:
"I think that their caring made it worse. The squirrel couldn’t calculate what they would do, and they couldn’t calculate what he would do."
Poor taste. (myself...ah well)
Coyote, indeed. Identity is a way of articulating continuity, and death is a break in such continuity. It's hard to perceive the death of something that has no identity. Thanks for dropping by—and thanks for letting me use that photo! Does that guy have a name?
Jeremiah, thanks for visiting and for bringing data that speaks to my hypothesis. Maybe you can refer the article and its comments to your son. He might take some comfort in knowing this happens to others.
mr vous, I'm not sure your intent there, especially since you seem to suggest less than proper intent, but I'm going to generously assume your mention of Huckabee is because he's a man of the cloth, capable of consoling people at times like this. I try to run a civil forum here.
For a moment, I regretted not ending it for him. Then, watching in my mirror, I realized it hardly mattered, and was glad to not have the mess.
My wife hit a dead deer a while back; that was pretty traumatic.
While on a motorcycle the other day I saw a woman blast through a string of ducks, a mother and her babies. How cold that woman must be to knowingly kill such cute, cuddly baby ducks without even making an attempt to slow down from the 35 mph speed limit - even slightly.
I guess she had an appointment to make, and if somebody or something has to die in order for her to be on time - that's just the way it is.
What a philosophy. I like Kent's better. Even if I'm not a big fan of squirrels.
I have not driven a car since Xmas and don't even own one at this time. I manage to walk everywhere here in this small town. I get in a car a couple of times a month to run errands and buy the neccessities of life I cannot backpack like pet supplies...
I see wildlife everywhere lurking in the shadows along roadways and watch cars fly by at sixty miles an hour. I feel very differently about cars as I watch people buzz by me and the wildlife. I was on a trip in a box Chevy van last week out for dog food and saw a Hummingbird flying towards the road in front of me and sure enough it hit the windshield and its beak was struck under the wiper blade. I yelled at the guy driving to stop as I wanted to get the bird off the windshield. I was sure it was dead yet as he slowed down to pull over the bird slid out from under the wiper blade and flew away. I had tears streaming down by then and let out a cheer.....
I hope it made it home to its family and rested......
Jerry, it's amazing how many people seem to have this pent up combination of shame and sadness. The example I often use is of playing a game of solitaire. Sometimes the deck is stacked in a way for certain games where there is no win to be had and that would be a known thing from the outset if we flipped over the cards. But we play it out and lament that we didn't win even though we never could have. And we call that one a loss. Yet it may be the optimal score we could have gotten. I guess what's frustrating about this is that it's a two-player game and we'd gladly help the weaker player but he's rejecting help. Some would say we should spend more time talking to squirrels so that we don't end up in this situation.
Jamie, difficult as that is to watch, I have to believe that the person thought they'd get out of the way. Lots of birds do. You can wait for them and wait for them and they do nothing but you approach and they scatter. So I'm going to give that person the benefit of the doubt and assume they're not really literally trying to run the birds over. And, as far as that goes, I could imagine circumstances where not getting to work means loss of a job, and where loss of a job means bankruptcy or loss of medical care, and possibly death. I'm not saying it always will, but it's not always value neutral to assume people have time to stop. It may play well to say you're late to work because you had to stop for some children playing in the road, but saying it was birds might not be something a boss would accept. So I'm not saying any of that was in play in what you saw, but at least it's worth considering that their situation might have been more complex. I'm just not willing to assume there are a lot of cold-blooded people trying to score points by pointing their car at something and running it down just for grins. I wouldn't even believe it of people who are fans of the movie Death Race 2000.
Mission, it's great when that happens. It's amazing sometimes what animals will endure to survive.
Lovely post.
rated with love
In the spirit of full disclosure, I step on roaches and ants as well. They just aren't as cute as the little mammals or as interesting as some of the reptiles. I'm sure a Buddhist would do better.
And I really wasn't making a moral point. (Not sure if you were. Your relation to or advocacy of Buddhism, if any was intended, was left unclear.) Like you (or like I perceived you saying), my feelings are a bit complicated by various nuances, certainly to include circumstance. But then, my feelings about people are, too. If the squirrels were attacking/invading my home, I'd be as angry about that as I would if a person were doing it. I have little doubt they know where I live and that they know better. It's no accident that under ordinary circumstances they don't try.
This situation, for me, and perhaps for many who've commented, is really not about religious reverence for animals. I think it's about something more fundamental. Even sharks and boa constrictors, which people have reason to fear in some circumstances, will not tend to attack if they are already well fed. I think even predators try to be good stewards of the environment around them, avoiding menacing anything not specifically menacing them or needed for food. I'd guess that degree of respect was probably bred into most of us as well. We have specific gripes with stinging insects because we know they are more often a specific threat in various ways, so we're a little more pro-active in that, but for other animals many of us tend to be kind of live and let live. Just as with other people.
Thanks for your note! ~ your friend, the lapsed Buddhist
(and Baptist too if anyone's interested)(tongue firmly planted)