It's a "Slumdog" sweep! Look at all those adorable little children! 

That's a rather lovely way of ending this little shindig. Thanks so much to all of you for chiming in and contributing, for Thomas and Marybeth for helping me, and to all those stars in Hollywood, shining so brightly and showing us the way! Until next year!

(And yet, I weep big salty tears for Mickey and his little late doggy, Loki.)

Penn wins Best Actor: "You commie, homo-loving sons of guns." Gayest Oscars Ever! Makes an emotional case shaming the Prop 8 supporters. And no Michael Moore moment here -- huge applause from this audience, and no boos. 

Friend R: "is Michael Douglas wearing a tie made out of crude oil?"

That whistle was the best moment of the evening, I believe. Yay Kate! Yay Kate's dad!

What's with the "Gone With The Wind" music for Best Actress? Still: Shirley, Sophia, Halle, Nicole, Marion. That's a lineup!

Thomas: "it's like Queen Latifah's dress grew tentacles and attacked Reese Witherspoon"

I liked the little light at the end of the tunnel they created at the end of In Memoriam. I was waiting for God to show up. Everyone else has!

Alarming observation from Friend R: "It is shocking and awing to me that we have not even had 'In Memoriam' yet." Time for that 5th drink, after all!

R writes in with a good point: "Bollywood makes Hollywood way more interesting." That was an awfully compelling musical number (finally!).

One cat's silent protest of Jerry Lewis's special Oscar.

One more time: Gayest. Oscars. Ever! 

(You can figure out the joke.)

Thank you, Philippe Petit! You may have provided the only real magic of the evening! 

Cue the tears: Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor for "The Dark Knight." Very somber moment. His family seems so genuine. So do all the celebrity tears they're showing: Angelina Jolie, Sean Penn, Adrien Brody.

Cuba Gooding Jr., oof, enough already. You're the one who turned down Spielberg and "Amastad," OK? 

Thomas: "Ok, that's it, I'm breaking out the alcohol. This number is all of my worst Jackman-Oscar fears come true."

Undertow, in Comments, sounds the first alarm: "An hour fifteen in and only one acting award so far?"

OK, Diane and Josh, Brad and Angelina, step aside. My favorite couple tonight: James and Seth. (Also, Thomas claims: "One hour in, and this is already the gayest Oscars ever.")

I'm glad the Academy has Jessica Biel presenting, honoring her masterful work in those instant 2008 classics "Easy Virtue" and "Hole in the Paper Sky." L writes in: "That dress is a catastrophe."

This Ben Stiller bit isn't funny. The strange behaviour of Joaquin Phoenix isn't major enough for a huge, global audience. Schticky, insidery. Trust me, the millions of viewers in India won't get it.

The most widely seen gay kiss in history? That's our guess, when the Oscars included the Franco/Penn smooch from "Milk" in the love montage just now. Cool.

MB from below: "Sarah Jessica Parker: Best supported actress."

Friend E: all the winners seem insufficiently excited, "lumpen and blase." We agree! Bring back Dustin Lance Black!

I've gotten about 8 emails/text saying the same thing about Sarah Jessica Parker, so I'll just paraphrase: What's with the boobs? (Except for Thomas, who is concerned that the tinkly jazz music is drowning her out. Oh, Thomas!)

This is actually rather remarkably awkward, and it's amazing that ABC would cut away to Angelina like that. Sure, there had to be an irresistable urge to do it. . . but (as our friends E and L have IM'd), it's pretty tacky. 

Simon Beaufoy wins adapted screenplay for "Slumdog Millionaire." And the battle lines are drawn: It's a "Milk" vs. "Slumdog" night!

 Aw. "Milk" for best screenplay. Rooting for "Happy-Go-Lucky," but . . . oh man, Dustin Lance Black, nice work. That was a compelling plea for gay marriage rights. Am I sensing a theme for the evening? Thomas commented below: "That Dustin Lance Black acceptance speech was beautiful. I just teared up a bit."

 MB: "Tina Fey: working half a Princess Leia hairdo."

It's a win for Penelope Cruz as Best Supporting Actress!

Is that a dragon tattoo on Whoopi? Tilda, sublimely monastic always. And Goldie. Poor Goldie. As BBD wrote below: "did Goldie just say 'ageless?' there's some botox irony."

This opening number is so cheeserific, I almost can't stand it! The "Craigslist Dancers"? Oh my lord, this "Reader" sequence. . .

Friend F writes in: "Who did Meryl's hair? I'll tell you: someone who hates her."

And the red carpet ends. Our standouts: Kate, Angelina, Mickey (!)

The also-rans: Miley, Marissa, Jessica Biel,  Vanessa.

 NOW LET THE SHOW BEGIN!

MB makes the very excellent point that with the 60-year-old vintage couture piece, Penelope Cruz may have finally made up for the butt bow incident of 2005

So it looked as though Angelina Jolie wouldn't even get near The Seacrest over on E! (She seems to hate him.) Brad did. But then on ABC, Tim Gunn  ran up to Brangelina, told them they were the bomb, then literally seemed to run away. Is everyone just terrified of her? 

Here's the photo of the night so far: Mickey and Loki.

WARNING! Angelina and Beyonce are currently both on the red carpfet at the same time. Avert your eyes now, lest you suffer from an unprecedented beauty collision the likes of which we've never seen!

Winner of the Seacrest Challenge: Lea Lane for "Pucky, shmucky, lucky." Congratulations, Lea! 

Next challenge: The Phillip Seymour Hoffman Hat Challenge! What's the explanation for the burgler lid, in 3 words or less! 

Mickey Rourke is wearing a rather larger locket around his neck with a conspicuously big photo of his little dog, Loki, who he just told Seacrest passed away just six days ago. Here's an image of  man and dog. 

A cheer went up here. LOVE IT. Now this is why we watch the Oscars, folks.

A personal Sarah Jessica Parker story: She lives in my neighborhood, and I passed her on the sidewalk last week. She had on one of those tiny knowing smiles that makes you think she's laughing at you. (I immediately checked my fly.) I don't like that smile.

She just just described the color of her dress as "barely mint." Hmm. We'll link soon and let you make the call! Here it is.

OK, yes, Brangelina is the epitome of pure Olympian beauty. But can we take a moment to admire the pure carnal explosion that is Diane Lane and Josh Brolin?

I mean come on!

I see red! Virginia Madsen, Amy Adams, Heidi Klum, Amanda Seyfried, and the lady with Seth Rogan, all in blazing, fiery red. Is it all related to the "heart health" campaign? (It definitely is with Heidi.) MBW's guess: "I think it's an homage to the economy."

Melissa Leo sure looks different from her "Homicide" days, god bless her. I'm just not sure about brown. Heidi Klum, Open Salon correspondent MBW writes in, "is wearing an airplane."

The vulpine E!-bot that's not Seacrest just declared that the adorable children from "Slumdog Millionaire" are "delicious!" I shuddered, and prayed those kids are properly chaperoned.

Geeze louise -- 45 minutes and exactly one big red carpet moment. And I'm still not convinced Miley Cyrus counts! 

It's hard to judge height on TV, but Zac Efron sure looks leetle. The 5'8" Seacrest loomed over him like an Ent over a Hobbit.

I like Hugh Jackman. He's giving an interview with one of the E!-bots, who throws up a softball question about how this show will more "intimate," and he immediately says that they'll all be "naked," and that there will be a "bathhouse theme." And when she asks about Zac Efron, who he'll be performing with, he says "naked," then corrects himself, saying "G-string, G-string."

Take the Seacrest challenge! As we torture ourselves with several hours of red carpet, help us kill some time by describing the secret to Ryan Seacrest's success. . . in three words! The winning submission will get a big fat shout-out.

And the countdown to Seacrest begins. 10, 9, 8, 7 . . .