Open Chat No. 2: Mortimer Hayden Smyth. 5 minutes. Transcript follows. Action! 

We're here with Mortimer Hayden Smyth on Open Salon's Open Chat. Hi, Mortimer.

Hello, Kerry. Very good to be with you today.

Very good to be with you. I think for a lot of our members you're most famous for a dazzling display of negative attack ads against Barack Obama during the election, "28 attacks in 28 days."

Yes

It was quite a feat.  I'm curious, did you  moved the needle much with that project?

I like to think that we did. It was my feeling during the campaign, there were a lot of negative attacks, my one regret is that I didn't start earlier because if feels like, in a way, 28 attacks might not have been enough. It obviously didn't do the job.

So what can you tell us about the Center for American Free Thought?

We are a Washington, D.C., based think take devoted to some very basic principles. Everyone within the center has different sort of pet projects. Some people are very devoted to--

Who's funding you Mortimer?

We have a consortium of private sources of funding.

What are they afraid of? Why won't you say who the are?

Oh, I assure you, they are not afraid of anything. We want to respect their privacy. That's one of the things, the right to certain kind of privacy that should be held by certain very important individuals and institutions. But clearly not by everyone.

I only have you here for 5 minutes and there's so many things to discuss ... how do you feel about the pending confirmation of Judge Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court?

[Sigh.] Well, as you may know, I was actually opposed to Barack Obama's Supreme Court nominee well before it was even announced.

Yes, that was impressive.

I almost don't even know where to begin. I won't attempt to pronounce her name. I can't do it. I've tried and failed. That's strike one. I've heard it many different ways on television, there's no consensus. Look at how divisive that is! If we can't even say her name!

Who's the man behind Mortimer? What can you tell us about you? What makes you tick? What do you wake up in the morning looking forward to. What movies do you watch?

Um.

What puts that little spring in your step?

I wake up every morning in a cold sweat and just filled with fear and a certain undefinable rage against something out there.

Why so angry?

There are so many reasons to be angry. I'm a white male, relatively well off. What's not to be angry about, Kerry? There's a million things. Taxes, for one thing. I have to pay those every year.  I do my best to evade as many as possible. I love this country and I don't want to pay taxes to it.

Sure.

I'm angry about things like gay marriage… it destroyed my heterosexual marriage, completely--

Can you explain that to our readers, who might not be familiar of your history?

You know, there's a certain degree to which too much choice can be very confusing. And prior to hearing about gay marriage, I didn’t even know it was an option.

How do you feel Obama is doing on the economy?

Terrible. He's destroyed it.

Health care?

No one wants it.

Israel?

Support it.

Iran?

Destroy it.

North Korea?

Insane.

Afghanistan?

We should be there forever.

Canada?

Invade it.

How do you think Obama's done choosing a dog?

Terrible.

And with that, Mortimer Hayden Smyth, I think we'll call it a wrap! Thank you very much, sir, for your time.

Thank you, Kerry.