Kerry Lauerman

Kerry Lauerman
Location
New York, New York, USA
Birthday
July 19
Bio
For any Open Salon issues, contact the Open editor, Jacob Sugarman: jsugarman at salon dot com. (I founded Open Salon, but am here in spirit only.)

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JUNE 15, 2009 9:01PM

Contest: Can you spin better than O'Reilly?

Rate: 25 Flag

  oreally

After airing the complete interview with Salon's Joan Walsh on Friday, Bill O'Reilly and crew aired a sliced and diced version in his June 15 "Talking Points" segment (served later with a heaping, complimentary side of fawning Juan Williams).

Look: Spinning video isn't that hard.  I suspect the great minds among Salon readers can do a vastly better job of whipping this video into more appropriate shape than he can. 

Contest: Can you spin better than O'Reilly? See if you can edit the full-length video of Bill O'Reilly's interview with Joan Walsh (here's Part 1 and Part 2) down to the 45 seconds or so that best captures Bill O'Reilly. 1). Upload it to YouTube or the video sharing site of your choice. 2). Post it on Open Salon, or link to it in the comments section here. We'll feature the best submissions as they come in, and name the winner at the end of the week.

The best submissions will be featured here and on Joan's blog -- and the winning submission will be featured on the cover of Salon. 

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...excellent...can hardly wait to see the results!
spin better than O'Reilly? that's a tall order kerry, but i may have to give it a shot. at the very least it'll be a chance to make fun of someone who richly deserves some sincere mockery.
Having been the target of the Nanatehay humor, I almost fear for Bill. Almost!
Do I have to make my face all blotchy like him? Can I sexually harass women like him? Just checking.
it's a shame i have no video editing skills but it will be fun to watch.
Oh Man, Kerry! I SOOO wish I had the knowledge of video editing! I would love to take on this challenge with The Hairball rudely screaming at the top of his lungs like a banshee on crack.
I could do it with the text, but I'm afraid that would lose a great deal of the tough guys venom. All I can really do is just hope that his legs grow together.
I'm sure that you will get some outstanding responses to this.
I have no skill in editing but I can't wait to see the results!
No way, O'Reilly is the spinmaster, no one can beat him!!! Well, they could beat him but are lead pipes allowed?

Just kidding. I would try but my creative video tends to the more, erotica and ewwww, Bill O'Reilly in a porno??? EWWWW!! MIND BLEACH, AISLE 8!!!

:)
I've never edited anything other than words, but this sounds like a fun contest. Good luck to all!
I would love to participate in this, but i got no idea how to go about editing this video. Great idea though...
An OS worthy challenge among challenges. I would, as so many of us do, that we had the editing instruments or skills to participate. For me, with others....many, many others, we await the duel results!
What if I just upload an old Daffy Duck/Bugs Bunny argument? You can figure out who's who.
The best way I could think of "spinning" O'Viley, is to send him out to orbit into a big black hole where he would be forced to listen only to himself, at one thousand times the volume that he already shrieks and with enlarged pictures of Joan and Arianna morphing at him at light speed. I wish I had editing skills. This should be a lot of fun. I look forward to the results!
take that image above of BillO and his finger: I can just see him looking down at that finger and twitching his nose and when he begins his rant that Joan has blood on her hands he jams that finger up his nose and pulls out a booger the size of a small puppy and all the while ranting "blood! bloody hands! Joan! bloody fingers...blood...oh fuck...was that on tape? Cut! Cut! Benny! Burn that tape you dirty little Italian or I'll loofah your ass back to Sicily...Goddammit Benny I said Cut!"
Barry wins---just from the concept
ok, I have a MAC and can make movies.. but how the heck do I download the video from the Fox site?
I do have a proggie that you can steal them off Youtube called YouTube Downloader.
I admit to being a technoidiot, but I'm not a TOTAL idiot. BillO, I WIN!
I'll ask Caitlin, our m-media editor whiz, to comment with some suggestions. BUT: If you're on a Mac, the (cheap -- $10?) program Snapz lets you capture just about anything online -- video, pictures, etc. The PC version is, I believe, Snagit. You can convert any video into any type of format you want.
C'mon Kerry, I would love to play along, but I have no marbles to play with. How does one edit these? You must have an idea if you suggested it.
You can't edit an flv file but you can change the format... VLC Player will transcode flv to many formats.
Also, TubeSock can grab YouTube videos... Again, for the Mac...
edit? delete!
John eats sweet cream with waffles. Blueberry crepes with thee warm maple
amber syrup
tread softly

B.O.' really has a fox-fir-hide served-up to Fox's staff on a brunch daily basis :
Blood of the innocents slain are dripping from his sneering lips. livers, gizzard.
foul's entrails.
no park a Fox CEO's pick-up truck under a mulberry tree. Or, he/she will lick it clean.
O truck washed.
B'O' licks hoods.
hoodlums soles.
the boot bottom.
BO'R' has a soul?
no happy day Bill.
O wager the souls?
Sneers Licks Feet.

Poor Joan Walsh.
She is so discreet.

Oy Bill O'Reilly
Slimes Sneers
Shame Shame
O'Reilly & Ilks?
Pathetic creeps.
'Um eat pathetic dead corps, gulp red wine blood, and eat the piled high donkey-dung,
elephant nose & tale stew.
no respect spew.
O O'Reilly nasty.
O Bile Vile Vices.
Hideous wastrel.
O cat scat chewer.
B.O. stinky sewer.

Joan a Petunia, Dahlia, Forget-me-Not, Lobelia, Peek-a-Boo-Plant, AND the Garlic Scape Swan? That luscious garlic wand-scape is tasty, and extra juicy at this season. The garlic seed-pod is believed to ward-off darkness, viral bacteria, lice, and cranial-maggots.

What a eating menu!

Joan eats the edible Nasturtium flowers and the wild orange lilly flower petals.
She's exquisite?
a flower in a field?
is this cuddling up?

She still has her hat!
Bill buffs Joan's shoes!

On a deathbed Bill O'R screams!

Joan eats a dozen ice cream cones!
Joan adorns a fancy hat she never cleans.
Joan picks Bill up a orange highway cone hat.

Bill O' Reilly chews a fox-dog squeaky toy.
Joan Walsh eats lil' pebbles!
Applian Technologies software does the same for a peecee...
I was born to edit!

So naturally, I have no editing software. Life is so unfair.
The part 1 and part 2 links on your post are to the same video.
Thanks, Natalie. Should be fixed now.
Ah shit! A challenge for a person with an electronics aptitude. Unfair! Unfair!

@Cindy

I agree. Since I can't edit and humiliate the pompous jackass in the fashion he deserves, I'll settle for ostracizing the obnoxious, sanctimonious, tyrannical, pompous, blathering, feckless blowhard.

Is this being recorded? :-)
Just put Bill in his crib and ensure Joan gives him his bottle - that should settle his (knickers) diapers in a twist!
I believe all the libs here are going to have a difficult time editing this interview to show Ms. Walsh in a positive light. The only thing O'Reilly was spinning was Ms. Walsh's head as he eventually worked out her confession that she approves of late-term abortions, under any circumstances. I believe abortion has a valid place in society but killing a baby on a whim after allowing it to mature to the point of viability should be a crime. Oh but I forgot, everybody here believe it's Bill O'Reilly that is the devil and Ms. Walsh is so obviously a saint.
I usually disagree with OReilly on many things, but he was actually right on this. Tiller DID shred and kill VIABLE LATE TERM FETUSES for casual BS reasons. And´╗┐ COVERED IT UP AS "DANGER TO THE MOTHER'S HEALTH OR LIFE". Like things like college, or migraine headaches, or boyfriend problems. And there's EVIDENCE THAT INDICATED THAT. Biased bubbleheads like Joan Walsh DON'T WANT to believe that Tiller did that, so she closes her eyes to the facts. Tiller was no hero, but a murderer. (a very greeeedyy murderer.) Wake up.
I would love to give this a shot! I am very new to video editing but it's been on the list of skills I need to acquire.

I have a Mac, can't I do this in iMovie somehow?
I just watched the "raw footage" again and I don't think I can stomach seeing and hearing Bill O'Viley's face and voice over and and over again as I would have to do if I were to create a spin clip.

I am sure the professionals here at OS have faced similar situations before, and are now enured to this effect but I am not, and in the case of O'Viley, may never be.
Would ya settle for a dirty haiku or erotic quintain instead? That's all I've got for now. Can't even imbed a link thingie properly, for gosh sakes! Will sure look forward to the elite nurdlits here who get this done. Hoping to see BBD put forth some genius!
Oh man, I am soooo doing this.
The only thing I'd like to spin with O'Lielly is a big drill to probe into what passes for his brain.

We'd find there was nothing but rocks in there. The drill bit would break, and it might actually make O'Lielly more intelligent.

He's so damn stupid he thinks he can flat out lie and nobody will notice. Uh, dumbass, there's this thing called videotape. Been around for, uh, decades. It records what you say and then when you lie about it, it can be used to show what a lying sack of crap you are.
Okay, I did:

http://open.salon.com/blog/mr_e/2009/06/16/so_you_think_thats_funny
for the 12,391st time in my life, i wish i was independently wealthy and could afford the time to do this. I worked in TV as an art director, won a clio, have a wicked sense of humor and razor sharp political sensibilities, and have the software...sigh.

Will return here daily to see if someone does it!
Hello,
So if you can grab the file from YouTube then there are a few editing tutorials out there to help you get started.
iMovie
http://www.apple.com/ilife/imovie/
http://www.apple.com/ilife/imovie/guided-tour/
MovieMaker
http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/using/moviemaker/default.mspx
http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/using/moviemaker/create/HomeMovies.asx

A search for "O'Reilly Remix" on YouTube yields some inspiring results (some NSFW).

Have fun!
Caitlin
Surely, the collective talent of the OS writers can be put to better use.
Thanks Caitlin! This project is too advanced for me right now, but I am thrilled at the idea of learning how to use moviemaker.
Kerry, Joan herself, on her blog, says the segment was not sliced and diced.

"(UPDATE: I'm going to give "The O'Reilly Factor" credit here: The show was pretty much how it went. Exactly how it went, as I can recall. I will post it later)"

Explain.
ah crap, I wish I had better computer editing skills. I could definitely do this. I was on O'Reilly back in 2001 and so was my brother-in-law (named a traitor by O'Reilly) so I feel fairly confident I could do this were I not such a Luddite (okay kids, look that one up!)
Thanks, Caitlin!

As someone who has played around a lot on iMovies, I can tell you it's pretty easy, and fun.

Lawrence Meyers: My post is specifically referring to the Monday, sliced up footage, not the Friday interview, which was run in full.
I'd offer to provide transcoded copies but I don't want to attract the wrath of Fox and the flying monkeys...
I don't have editing capabilities, but oh how I wish I did!! What a fantastic idea. Cannot wait to see the best of and the final winner. Cheers! Kimberly
Do you know how much I hate that that waste of flesh has the same last name as me? HATE IT!
To add my two cents to the heap, I NEVER agree with this guy, but I ALWAYS find his style facinating.
Bill's liver-spotted head must have a lead role in all of these short-films/stories. How dreadful.

I think it should be a requirement to include his rant at Geraldo in some way or another. It simply must be. It's like a sculptor making a statue without stone.
There's a new entry: http://open.salon.com/blog/mortimer_hayden_smyth/2009/06/16/how_the_billjoan_interview_should_have_gone
The odds are this version won't be too popular.

O'Reilly Walsh Debate: The Low Spin Version
I try to think of OReilly as a Black Hole, but his face smells like the floor of a Pig Sty.

ken wilber too
I think the daily show just won this contest. Anyone else see the same segment I just saw.
Just uploaded my submission :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKuwbwJJKZM
weird... i tagged my post "spinning o'reilly" and it's not showing up in the responses. is there something else i need to do?
nikkithunder

Great job. That was hilarious, and it fits Bill O’really perfectly
Other than M.H. Smith's, I don't see any submissions, let alone the best ones. Where might we find them?
Oops, just saw nikkithunder's hilarious submission. So where are the others, hmmmm?
I tried my hand at this. My approach was "reductio ad absurdum." Enjoy.
You know what would be super-duper awesome? If the best submissions were transcribed. Failing that, I'd like to at least see the winning submission transcribed.
I have a video editor and would love a crack at this, but I do not have a program that can capture the video from YouTube. If anyone could email it to me, I'd love to give it a whirl. Let me know.
Jon: Good point; hope all can honor the request.

Dayna -- and all: You might want to check out Caitlin Shamberg's useful How-to.
Stellaa is right, the best entry better feature a falafel loofah
@ dana, on the home page, there is a link in the top right corner that goes to this post. underneath it is a link for "responses". it's filtering for the tag "spinning o'reilly".
and you know, i am a little hurt that mine is the only one not on the cover. why is that?
My version:

http://open.salon.com/blog/mishima666/2009/06/17/bills_propaganda_spin_video
Kerry, sorry to be any bother, but most programs only work with files already existing somewhere on your hard drive, and they don't usually work with .flv files or capture YouTube video in any way. I'm probably just not getting how to do this, but any tips can be sent to my box.
Oh, I thought you were referring to the cycling class that I take on Saturday mornings. I bet I can spin better than him. In fact, I'm sure. :)
I went back and updated mine with a transcript.
I couldn't resist. I did another one:

http://open.salon.com/blog/mishima666/2009/06/18/yet_another_bill_joan_spin
o reilly does a good job, but am sure that there are others ,in fact here at salon,who an do a better job, imo,
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