The other day I saw a friend put up a status on Facebook about watching the Mariah Carey cinematic trainwreck Glitter.

I immediately messaged him.

"Why are you watching Glitter? Do you need a reason to put out your own eyes and/or lose faith in humanity?"

I received the following reply:

"Um Glitter is awesome. It's so hysterically bad that it's good. Get with it, Kev."

Wait, did I miss something?

I understand the idea of camp value and all of that, but I began to wonder who decides what transcends from trashy to tops.

Who makes the call that something is "so bad it's good?"

I realize time is a factor, but how much time?

For example, will the Mark Wahlberg remake of Planet of the Apes ever be considered "a riot--so horrific it's TERrific." Will Gigli ever be shown at midnight showings with audiences yelling lines back at the screen? Decades from now, will it be a tradition to watch Reindeer Games every Christmas Eve?

(Perhaps a bigger question is, why is Ben Affleck in so many bad movies?)

In my mind, I imagine a group of people wearing sunglasses and robes--like George Carlin in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. (Another so-ridiculous-it's-amazing film.)

I see these people sitting at a long table, reviewing hours upon hours of awful movies and determining if they have that extra something that makes them worthy of being a hipster's Facebook status.

Battlefield Earth? No, not quotable enough. Plus they spent too much money on it.

Corky Romano? Yes, because if you're stoned, it's brilliant. The cookie line alone is so ingrained into the lexicon that most people probably don't even know what it's from.

Dunston Checks In? Not yet, but give it a few years, and perhaps it will age badly enough to be a viable candidate.

Wouldn't it be so much simpler if there actually was a governing cultural body such as this one? Then they could put out a newsletter, and we all could keep track of what it is we're now allowed to find mildly amusing at 3am while we're either drunk, half-awake, or both.

"Hey Rob, the Cool Council says Can't Buy Me Love is now an 80's classic. I guess we should go buy it on DVD and start memorizing it now."

Instead, we're all left to develop our own opinions and pretend those opinions have always existed, all the while mocking those who can't keep up.

It's a little like 1984, except now Big Brother is now a film major who dropped out of school after only taking two classes.

The mere thought of it is so sad, I'm thinking of going home and watching Fight Club just to cheer myself up.

...That's still cool, right?