I'm a stable family guy with two kids and I've never been divorced, nor do I anticipate ever being divorced. Nor have I had any close relatives who have had heated custody battles.

That said, from everything I read in the media I generally perceive that men get shafted in divorce court when it comes to kids. I can only extrapolate based on my feelings toward my own kids, but I surmise that most fathers love their kids and once a divorce is set in motion they feel as if the cards are stacked against them with regard to custody.
No doubt they experience a lot of angst related to the fact that they are seeing a lot less of their kids, and that judges and counsellers who don't even know them are going to be given the authority to tell them how much they can see their kids in the future.
Additionally, if the divorce is ugly and the kids are living with the mom they probably feel paranoid that the mom may be badmouthing them in front of the kids or that the mom might even make up untrue accusations about them.
Furthermore, as the process rolls on they probably worry that the ex-wife may even have the ability to move the kids away from where they are and that if she remarries they'll be even more marginalized as a father.

It's hard enough to stay closely connected with kids emotionally as they grow up, if you're in the same house as them. I'm sure it's much more difficult if you're not and even more so if the kids are moved somewhere else or if they have bruised feelings toward you because of the divorce.

I imagine that most guys feel a lot of emotional pain over all of this, so it's not surprising that a very small percentage go crazy/psycho and end up killing their ex-wives and even their kids.

One could say that the "process" merely exposed their already psycho natures, and that I'm sure is true to a certain extent. But generally I suspect that society greatly underestimates the emotional cost on fathers that results from being seperated from their kids.

Hi Fins2theleft (btw...nice to find a fellow Buffet fan blogging here!) Thanks for reading, and thank you for your very thoughtful comment. My brother was definitely one of those dads who got totally shafted by the family court system. It was utterly brutal. When advising my client on this article, I was very sensitive to the reality that on balance, the courts favor the mother. However, as an editor and publicist, it is my responsibility to make sure that I help my client maintain the integrity of his/her voice. (I have several clients for whom I serve in this capacity). Additionally, the issue at hand in her article is not which parent is at fault per se, rather that the system's major players -- who are funded by tax payers -- are at great fault for allowing their personal biases IN ANY DIRECTION come into play. The larger point was that those responsible for "the well being of the child" never bothered to LISTEN to that child, preferring to let their biases to one parent or the other supercede.

It's wonderful that you have such a great family in tact. Congrats! With the divorce rate over 40%, that's no mean feat! Here's a little happy news on which to end our discussion... My brother perservered and was eventually awarded primary custody, and my nephew has thrived as a result. They are both very impressive men.