succinct, those feelings. about death and life and how to grieve, no one saying who does what when or how. but we know don't we, we know when the keening grief will begin...

Ah, that was such a sad story. We are great, humans are, for calling up a lynch mob for any dumb reason.

I bet it is the craziest shit, being locked up and not doing a crime accused. I bet it is hard to recover from.

Being falsely accused could be the worst thing in the world. Having a child torn away and a life ruined for no reason. Warped....Grieving is a personal thing with no time line.

nothing drives me crazier than listening to someone (often a policeman or -woman) describe how a person's outward display (or lack) of emotion is evidence of their guilt or innocence. amateur psychologists are just that, amateurs. some people spend the rest of their lives in jail based on crap evidence like that. good post, kim, but it's gotten me riled up. ;;

That piece packs a pwerful punch Kim. Straight to the gut. Well done.

Rita,
only us, each of us, our way.
Lindy's crime was to trust in her God : implacably.
Oryoki,
You remember : we learned, that time, to be careful of forensic "experts," for example - blood spatters that turned out to be insulating spray, for example ... people seeing what they want to see, without regard.
Ric,
my nightmare. My recurring nightmare.
You are knowing all about this, right now.
Dr Spud,
I see grief as part of who I am, these days. No particular handicap, just another part of life - a growing part. And private.

Hi femme,
me neither.
We calm down, but.
Then it happens again.
Kelly,
Can't help those gut-punches sometimes.
x Kim

Such a tragic story all around. A terrible injustice to the Chamberlain family because we Australians expected a person to act in a certain away when grieving

I am often concerned about similarities with the Madeleine McCann case and the expectations of people for her family to act in a certain way.

Before the days of press and pictures I fear my stoic Irish clan would have be quite maligned.

Sometimes those lack of tears show the guilt, other times, well, not so much, just wow.

Rated.

Little Kate it's part of our story now, isn't it - then Meryl Streep doing Lindy in Evil Angels - I was listening to Lindy being interviewed this morning : your average oz woman, and not a note of rancour ; just bemusement. And under that, the grief of a mother who lost a child, and won't ever, ever, get over it.
Hi Rita,
yeah, the Irish. Dour like the Scots. Stony in adversity.
Now we have to cry for cameras. Reality TV. Just fuck that, pardon.
Hi Tink,
What have you got to think about these days with microphones and inane questions in your face - you know you're innocent, right ?
Like there were no plumbers in the bathroom when you set fire to it, right ? But some bastards won't let you forget. Ever, Tink.

I remember this story, how awful. I'm afraid I'd be convicted if being stone faced is what it's based on. I was taught from an early age not to show weakness or emotion when upset. I didn't cry for almost twenty years, it's very hard to learn to behave differently. It surprised everyone when I finally did. Wonderful post, it can't be said enough.

l'Heure Bleue,
With you completely. Thanks for writing that. Sorry too, that you held it back so long.

I love the way you write - how you connect unlike things and make me see a connection.

Hi aim,
you too.

And such a terrible story ... nothing for Aussie's to be proud of in this one at all. I feel so sorry for the family .. we sent to gaol/jail a mother who lost her baby and then we took a second one from her days after giving birth in gaol/jail. We're pathetic!

hey, Little Kate - the system failed. Please let's not condemn ourselves for a crappy system. Also : in thirty years, things have changed, in the forensic departments at least.

Grief is insidious. It comes out in hundreds of different ways. Some ways look odd. I know... I've been crazy with grief while looking like I didn't care. _r

Great post, Kim. The problem with "how you are supposed to act" is who sets the standard. I didn't cry for a couple of months after my dad died. When my mom died, it was immediate. So, who's to say? R-

This really resonated with me....there isn't a script that one should follow when expressing grief. Unless we can open up someone's head and read the lines on one's brain as if it were tea leaves, there is no way to determine the sincerity (or lack of) said grief. It's foolish to hold one's own perception of how grief looks like to or on someone else...we are all different, we express ourselves in the way that our hearts dictate.

I never cried for my Dad either Kim, until I wrote about it here some 4 years after his death. That's when I cried, finally.

30 years ago? That poor woman.

Kim,
Grief, for me, was a hurricane. The periods of calm were eerie, and necessary. Yes. The tie to Camus is perfect. She was prosecuted for not appearing grief-stricken, when perhaps what she really was was shattered. How are we to see into someone's heart?

I'm glad you wrote about grief and how it unfolds....it's shocking how often one can be condemned because of the lack of a showy grief....or a too showy grief...
I didn't cry for years when my Dad died...about 8 years.
Also thirty years ago, sorry for your loss, it sucks doesn't it?

Thank you for this post, Kim. Incredibly observant and validating.

No one can tell anyone else how to grieve...the journey is personal...its twists and turns and timings...all endlessly personal. No "right way" to do it but one's own way. We don't and can't control it...Grief has its way with us until it is done...( Always always hated the "I know just how you feel" crap....Like hell anyone can... not unless they crawl behind my eyes, live all my moments and occupy my truth and my soul.)
This story reminds me of other false accusations...some involve my former husband's rants against my daughter...innocent...over the most stupid innane things. Reminds me of the horrors of injustice in oh so many instances...life and death as you relate here.
God what tough strands you wove here...and with such strong results. Your work is like a heavy net of dark fibers... drawing us in before catching us ...ensnaring us and lifting us... pulled surely toward the light of truth you hold. Finely crafted and stunningly solid. thanks Kim r

Yes I agree. I saw the movie ( ?I was very young) about the case. It was also very powerful.

Dear Joan,
Crazy with grief - not all it's cracked up to be. You're right : it does find expression, and often in the most unexpected way.
I can't help thinking of Zorba, on the beach, dancing by himself.
Hi Dave.
That's really interesting - that difference in reaction to the passing of your mom and dad. I wonder is it a function of your relative closeness, or if our mother's are somehow more connected to us, fundamentally ... as in : there goes my childhood too ... you're making me think, here Dave - could be dangerous ;-)
Thanks Bonnie,
It's something you know maybe all too much about, I know. I appreciate your comment, very much.
corgilover,
... there isn't a script, exactly. Who is ever ready, even after a drawn-out terminal illness, for what happens when the loved one is gone forever ? I'm drawn to writing, to films, movies, that explore the question. Like you, I come away with the realisation that yes : we are all different. But heaven help you, in the eyes of some, if you don't "act " a certain way.
Hi trig,
Close to your heart right now I know. I haven't read that piece on your dad - if it's still up I will. Writing is cathartic, I do know that. And writing here on OS is moreso as we have a kind of background on each other - that accumulation of common experience, that sometimes unsaid, even, understanding. Thanks mate.
fingerlakes,
... grief was a hurricane ... wow, you know how to express it - and the moments of calm, I know, bracing for the next assault. It is. It's a weather event. And yes, the press were hovering - it was Darwin, NT, 1980, waiting for another photo-op of the monster who would not cry for the cameras. When there's nothing to see, we make all sorts of crap up.

poetic, compelling, thought-provoking. good post, kim

Just Thinking,
You're the fourth person on this post to say that, about their dad.
Makes me wonder. 8 years ... 30 years ... yeah, it sucks.
Not a single day goes by I don't think of him. One more glimpse, one more question, one more dad, I love you. Thanks for your comment. Glad you could finally cry. I know it's not the be-all & end-all of grieving, but it sure helps.
Razzle D,
Thank you - validation : hard-won for Lindy, but won.
Persistent Muse,
amazing comment ... I'm glad you said "former " husband, and I hope your daughter found a way to forgive him.
" I know just how you feel," - yes, top percentile inanity. And yes, it's all around us, and yes, judge not ... Thanks. Strong voice you've got there - careful with the compliments, I may not fit through the door ...
Black Boots,
welcome to my dark-fibred net ... that movie ( Evil Angels ) and Meryl Streep's performance were hallmark. Thanks for your visit - much appreciated.

Hi dianaani.
Missed you in there.
Thank you - big topic, grief, isn't it ?

Heartfelt and chilling article.. Everyone grieves differently. There is no time that two people are on the same page, at the same time, in the grieving process.
Nicely told and written piece.

Thanks fireeyes - just got back from The Man in the Moon ... similar sort of feelings, in a way.

Sometimes grief doesn't have a definable beginning or end, it is a constant companion. This may come as a shock but it's mine, just as I encourage joy, the grief of life is haunting. There's plenty of hurt going around. Just when you think things are on the upswing, my mother has a "silent" heart attack. The cancer tumors are reduced though....My other friends cancer is back.

If that happened to my baby I'd be in shock and then if I were accused I'd probably be catatonic-- it's a shame that those who are put in charge of judging such cases are so ill-suited.

Sometimes, I think, it takes courage just to be. Ourselves. As we are. Just to be. Ourselves. As we are. As we love. As we live. As we breathe. As we grieve. Perhaps especially as we grieve, as we allow each other to grieve in our own way.

Anne,
constant companion I'm only lately beginning to understand - thank you.
anna1liese,
beautifully put, as always - thanks for your thoughts.

I cannot believe that was 30 years ago. I have no concept of time. As far as grief goes...it is something very personal. Like a finger print the way a person grieves is unique to them and NOT for others to judge.

Thanks Puddle Duck.