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Kind of Blue

Kind of Blue
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Still searching for the perfect tone on my horn(s) and still searching for enlightenment.

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Salon.com
JULY 2, 2011 2:25PM

Self-Centered Sex of the Selfish Male

Rate: 14 Flag
male misogyny
Photo Courtesy of Fotolia.com
 
Yesterday I read a wonderful post by friend Beth Mann, Jaded Sex Advice for the Youth of America.  I loved Beth's piece because it's not a sweeping generalization on men but an astute observation on a certain mindset of many men in America, particularly the twenty-something male mindset.  They float from relationship to relationship in utter failure wondering what went wrong.
 
Beth's post needs to be read first so I'm hoping you will before I continue.  The male in her story is very typical in his description of a self-centered sex life, held by more and more men in America not only limited to the twenty-something sects. (Pardon the pun.)  I'm not saying there aren't self-centered females out there, even sexually, but women are predominantly giving in bed and quite often do not equally receive.  That my friends is a shame.
 
Since I can remember my earliest sexual interest in females, I've always had the mindset of being a giver as well as a receiver.  I don't know it it was the way I was raised or if it was innate or a little of both.  I just know that I'm the guy who needs to give at least as much pleasure as I receive.  That is in no way boasting or arrogance, it's my true inner feeling.  I'm not going to say that I've been 100% effective but I can say that I have given 100% effort.
 
The particular male in Beth's story, when asked by her point blank if he "went down on his girlfriend" he replied that he used to, but not as much any more.  Beth asked very validly if it were a hygienic issue and he replied no.  Beth then asked if she went down on him and he gave an enthusiastic and thoroughly macho, "oh yes, of course!"  Therein lies the disconnect my friends.  "My girlfriend just doesn't seem to enjoy sex with me as much as she used to and I can't figure out why!"  Really Einstein?!
 
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the myth that liberals are better lovers than conservatives, on average, is true.  To be "liberal" at its essence means to want others to have equality or just as much as you are entitled to in life.  "Conservative" means, politically at least, to give as little as possible to conserve more for one segment of the population, namely themselves!  You can send all the negative comments  you like, this is just my observation and they also are astute and in depth over my lifetime.
 
It seems there may be some correlation  between the changing approach to sex by some men and the changing, ever expanding fringe of right wing politics.  Let's use two well known philandering politicians as examples.  I would be willing to bet that Bill Clinton is a giver as well as receiver.  He's competitive and I bet he enjoys giving as well as receiving (even if it's a cigar, hey, improvisation is a jazz man's forte'!)  Now, think about Newt Gingrich.  Once you wipe the vomit from your mouths, I will let the rest speak for itself.  Three marriages and he's treated each one exceedingly worse.
 
So Beth, while I know your post was meant to be a single instance of self-centered young male sexuality and also meant to be more humorous than anything, I think you are onto something bigger.  Something that needs to be explored further.  By the way, I can't wait for the follow-up conversation (which will happen when that guy sees you) on "anal". On that note, I'm quite sure whomever did not read your post, will now...
 

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Oy. If this doesn't spark some conversation, nothing will. Beth, you are my hero and if I weren't married, I'd be your stalker. :-D
Do politicians even have sex? Don't they let the nannies reproduce for them as well as raise the kids?

What?

:D
yes, true,all of it.
(by the way, the "pirate wimminz" are back.beth=one, i think)

raw male lust needs to be tutored a la
summer of 42.
it is a wild destructive force.
it CAN be
tamed for the Good.
yes, true,all of it.
(by the way, the "pirate wimminz" are back.beth=one, i think)

raw male lust needs to be tutored a la
summer of 42.
it is a wild destructive force.
it CAN be
tamed for the Good.
I will have to go read her article, but something that comes to mind is the mistaking of sex with a woman's body as the same as sex with a woman. Many men (and I am sure women) have learned to make sex a form of masturbation with the goal to be as much self pleasure generated as possible. Using women for getting off is masturbation. Saying you like women when you just like to have sex with them (or you find them amusing because it turns you on) is at the heart of sexism. Those same men usually complain that their wives use them for money or something else. I find that if you act like a john and treat women like hookers, that is the behavior you get in return. Eventually, they will lose interest in having sex with you altogether. Porn just enhances the masturbation fantasy, with expectations that are unrealistic between the two people who are actually there in bed together.
Some are Tink. Many are paying for it. No, I mean like PAYING for it, paying for it. :-D Amen James. Great example and analogy. Good points O.B..
This is funny, in more ways than one and true as well. :) Can I throw something out there? Maybe the 20 somethings aren't comfy talking about it with their partners. (hell, alot of people are) And if you can't talk about what and how you want, you're going to suck at it.

I need a popsicle!

-R-
Good grief, you're back on OS for a mere 24 hours and you already have half the women here falling for you yet again, leaving the rest of us Morlocks in the lurch.
Laughing my ass off at Steve and Miko!!!!!! Now I want , oh never mind!!!! :-D
Nice to see a man makes some of these observations.
When I was young the girls liked all of it except anal, which I wasn't partial to anyway. When I was middle-aged I was surprised how many women who were mothers didn't care for oral (though not all of them of course).
Fascinating! I love talking about sex and your theory that Conservatives do it worse is a good one. Maybe we could start an x rated OS section. Thank you for this.
I would like to elaborate more, but here it is: Young American males should learn to pay a lot more attention to women and their sexual desires. Good communication makes it easier for young women to relay this information. A good place to start is to stop calling it a "relationship." Let's bring back real words like love and lust. Good point, Greg. R
Point 1, your wife is lucky. =o)
Point 2, power has to be an aphrodisiac, because I doubt anything else about Newt Gingrich would turn a woman on. He is the epitome of everything I'd want to avoid in a man.
rated
Good, thoughtful piece. I guess I've been lucky. Or I would not repeat the experience with someone who was not into giving. The best lovers are both sensitive and sexually aggressive. Guys who don't put out an effort also don't have that edgy masculinity that I like. I don't have much use for slackers in any context.
back with a vengeance so to speak, I see
just cant resist? I remember your flounce & thinking it was unlikely to hold.
uh, clinton pleasuring lewinsky with a cigar? that sounds reciprocal to you? haha
the whole pt of beth manns post was on cunnilingus, and she had very little information about what was actually going on in that other guys relationship, so I think everyone involved is drawing way too many conclusions. the young guy could have been giving her fabulous orgasms in the conventional way without cunnilingus, we wont know that will we?
to the main pt of your post, however, yes, sex is kinda funky that way. Ive had two gfs who werent enthusiastic about the cowgirl position because, apparently, its not as submissive for the female. they literally preferred being on their backs. so sex, while an exchange & both are experiencing pleasure, still involves a give-and-take.... as for women being more generous by default, taking it outside of the bedroom, it seems like they are more generous in certain ways by default in certain ways but not others.... I think males & females have innate kinds of generosity that are different. eg males have been proven to "marry down" ie class/wealth is not as important as it is to women. this is an objective fact established by evolutionary psychology studies.... as for sex, yes, I think women are more conditioned to oral than males.... but thats a narrow part of sex and life in general it would seem.... it is also proven that women have a more general sense of arousal around their body, whereas males are more localized....
VZN, did you call me a cunning linguist? :-D Ha! Guilty and GUILTY!
Thank you Mary. I do have a very non-selfish manner but it's more out of mutual respect for me. If you don't respect yourself, you won't respect others and vice versa. As for the "anal" reference, that was Beth, not me and I don't believe guys should consider it or bring it up unless his partner does. (I speak as a hetero male, not excluding anyone purposely). My motto is don't ask your partner to do something you wouldn't do. Thank you Shiral. Maybe that's why we've been together 26 years since we met in college. I hope so. T my man, great to see you. It IS all about communication and that 's the crux of Beth's piece and the point we agree on. If a woman (or man) doesn't verbalize what he/she likes, how does one know without taking a chance of offending???? S.L. I totally agree with you. Prior to meeting my wife I was still the same way but found that not many of the guys I ran/run with were. It was all about busting the nut for them (the mindset back then when I was 20).
I like the overarching political correlation. Thanks for the nod!
Nice, I think that this is a very good thing to use in this time and it will help so much in future for the work of it.
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♥╚═══╝╚╝╚╝╚═══╩═══╝─╚For sharing Beth here and making good sense of it.
I think your article is useful Kind of blue..Thank you for sharing..Best regards.