Family Matters

Kirsten Edmondson Branch

Kirsten Edmondson Branch
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Bay Area, California,
Bio
Kirsten Edmondson Branch is a freelance writer, blogger (http://www.relevantmom.blogspot.com) and mom who writes about news, current affairs and politics that affects families.

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NOVEMBER 25, 2008 4:34AM

Motherhood Performance Anxiety

Rate: 10 Flag

As parents (I should say moms, we're really the neurotic ones, let's face it) these days we are so obsessed with "getting it right" with our kids; the right foods, the right education, the right activities. We analyze our every move. One of my wisest and oldest friends visiting with me today bemoaned the "motherhood performance anxiety" which makes the most confident of mothers fret what the "others" must be thinking when their kid does something for which we expect judgement in public. I'm definitely not immune, although I do my best to resist.

I have a confession to make. I don't play well with my kid. What I mean is that I rarely feel I have the inspired activities to foster his young mind. I get (gasp) bored at times. I've got inspired cultural and political commentary, but I'm thinking that stage is about oh fifteen or so years off, if he even wants to stick around to talk about it at all in that "I know it all stage." So, scratch that, it's about maybe thirty-five years off. I'm all for pre-planning. Planning I CAN do, and quite creatively I might add.

In the meantime I feel like I should be putting him in "something" more equipped than me to inspire creativity, intelligence and good social skills. But this same friend reminded me that he's learning from me all the time, not just when I sit down with a determined "it is now the playtime portion of our day" agenda in mind. Right, let's try out some of these handy activities the three books I bought on the subject, and the ten sites I visited on the Internet generated. No? Continue to shove the Legos into the big truck it is kiddo! Carry on. And the thing is he seems to be coming along just fine.

I thought all the time that he spends puttering around me as I go about the business of the day was somehow not stimulating enough. But researchers are now saying on the contrary, good old fashioned "free play" is important, in fact our lack of it may somehow hold us back in the global economy! It is actually my citizen mother duty to raise a kid that can find interesting things to do with the paper towel roller, some random papers "I allowed" him to snatch off my desk, and his giraffe wooden puzzle piece he is especially fond of and carts around. And watching him do just this blissfully today was, I have to say, inspiring.

Right, so now I feel better about that, but now it is on to worrying about which way he faces in the stroller and the impact upon his future development, which is apparently a BIG deal according to advocates in the U.K.

Great, at this rate I'll have an MBA in "MPA."

 

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Comments

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That stroller woman needs a new hobby. Really. How much could your child actually be in a stroller in a way that would harm its communication skills?

I remember recently I called a friend, and she asked me about baby food. As in, did I make my own? When I said no, the freezing disapproval nearly reached through the phone and choked me. Apparently, pureeing things is good mothering.
Stop with the stroller! All these crazy things are what make moms crazy! (But, I love the story and soooo relate!) Kids are the same today as they were 100 years ago... just different enviroments. Let him have fun and go about his way. Just be there catch him and correct him. You'll be a happy mom, he'll be a happy child. Have a great day... :)
oy, kirsten - I can so relate. I was not a good "play-time" mom either during the toddler years.

I'm also a big believer in not only "free (child-initiated) play" but also "real life," as in putting them to "work" as soon as possible. No, not child labor, but letting them help clean, tear the lettuce for salad, fold clothes or mate socks. When they're little, you can convince them it's fun, so that hopefully when they're a bit older, it's a habit.

(for the record - I've gotten lax & need to revisit that last one with my 9 & 12 year old)
Thanks for your comments folks. As always I seek balance in mothering. I pureed, but I also went jars--although now I have the issue that when I puree these days (still have vegetable by themselves issues) I have to put them IN the jars because he associates the jars with good stuff. Aiyiyi. can't win :-)

I recently wrote a newsletter column about rainy day activities and my favorite response from one person who contributed tips was the wisdom she learned from her mother of 5: "suit 'em up and send 'em outside!"

In times of anxiety I draw on my faith which tells me that I am precisely the mother that God intended for my kid(s) to have, and I get on with it! Thanks again for the feedback.
You know ... if your kid wasn't thriving in the environment you're providing ... you would know it. happy mom + happy kid = who gives a damn what the stroller lady thinks!!!

Every kid is different ... they don't all belong in a playgroup or need every second of their day scheduled out ... even for "free" play ... lol.

Let your kid, be your kid ... engage when you're invited and sometimes when you're not and find happiness in individual adjustment and growth ... :) no anxiety necessary!!!