If you write publicly, sooner or later, folks are going to be compelled to “correct” you. They will target your ideologies, your logic, your synax, your style. Yep – I’ve been criticized for my occasional laspe into “folksy” language – but I reckon I’ll keep on writin’ like this whenever I take a notion.
Some folks are also quite fond of attacking one another’s grammar. Now, I’ll admit there are certain grammatical transgressions that I believe will send the offender straight into a flaming eternal inferno. In a handbasket!
Residents in this particular circle of hell will be required to spend the next fifteen infinities searching for additional colors that rhyme with “orange” and “silver.” They will also be required to diagram sentences written by Ralph Waldo Emerson, William Faulkner, and Gertrude Stein. And the Congressional Record. All this while listening to the Ventures play “Green Onions” over and over and over. And over. Backwards.
But I ain’t no purist. And while I am an above average aficionado of English grammar, I readily admit that there are some grammatical paradigms and conventions that continue to confound me.
Today I was working on a new essay when I suddenly hit a road block. My original phrase was “each of us was.” Then I began wondering if it was supposed to read, “each of us were.” Both looked right. And after a few minutes of staring at them, both looked wrong.
I Googled the two phrases. I found an online grammar test that apparently had the correct phrase in it. I completed the online grammar test just to see the answers. I discovered that, according to this test, one of the two phrases was, in fact, correct. I don’t remember now which of the two phrases was correct, or were correct, but I proofread the essay in question and I am confident that I used the proper usage.
Maybe not.
I also sometimes purposely violate grammatical standards in the interest of what I euphemistically call creative license. I use exclamation marks inappropriately! Don’t always use complete sentences. Every now and then I end sentences with wayward prepositions, but not too many that I’m aware of. I have been known to deliberately and incorrectly use some words interchangeably (I particularly enjoy replacing “wanderlust” with “wonderlust”).
With the advent of urban acronyms, new-fangled words, inane abbreviations, and texting, I’m just doing my small part to thrust our language a bit further into the devolvolution of humanoid and hominid levels. At the rate we’re moving, by the year 2300 we will have sufficiently rendered our communicative skills back to pre-australopithecine lows. I’ve been trying to work the word “australopithecine” into casual conversation since 1994. I can now die a happy woman.
There. I have said my peace. Or perhaps I have said my piece. Whateva!
© Kit Duncan, 2010
Green Onions, by the Ventures
* * *
Dedicated with affection and respect and some degree of guilt
to
The Memory of Frances Barnes.
The Last of the True School Marms,
and One of the Finest Teachers Who Ever Wielded a Pointer!
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Comments
I think Throughmyeyes said it the bestest way. Ain't much to blow off some battle about, and humiliate the person over it, when a nice PM could be much nicer..
Say what you say, it is your story to you stick to it..
rated with grammerical hugs
Dear reader - I KNEW I was forgetting something IMPORTANT! Splitting of the infinitives - more important than splitting atoms!
fireeyes - Actually, between you, me, and the fence, I actually DID receive an email about my "folksy" language. I weren't none ashamed of myself - just amused at the author of the email. "Amused." "Muse" Get it!?!?
Persistent Muse (Not to be confused with the author in my email referenced in my note to fireeyes - "Kit Duncan" and "sassy" - two words that seldom find themselves cohabitating in the selfsame sentence. Thanks!
scanner - I know - I lived in NC for 10 years and always admired the rich linguistical nuances there. My people on my mother's side (shhh - don't tell her I's mentioning her 'cause she disowned me a spell back) lived in NC for several generations, so I might have some of that rich verbal nuance in my veins. Course, we folk in KY ain't no slouches when it comes to rearrange grammar to suit our wants!
Grammar police got you on "speed dial" - wht a HOOT, scanner!!!!!
patricia - I ain't never been accused of being high brow - at least not to my face. Shoot, if you want to know the truth I'm not even sure what it means! Hide my "intelligence?" I don't know. Sometimes it just runs away screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me PLEASE!!!!"
Kathy - Thanks! Glad you got a kick out of it!
Linda - LOL! Well, felons are welcome here!
Cranky - Yes. I had so often confused you with being pure. NOT!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Lezlie
I hope your doing good. I aint never seen no grammer mistakes in my work, but I'm praying for you too learn the basics. c u soon and eye hope you have a good'in.
cindy - Thanks a HEAP!!!
Kyle - You ar TOOOOO funny. But I'll take the money. Seriously.
Amanda - I'm afraid the basics would be lost on me. Ever since I embraced the likes of Jess Lair and Jerry Clower as my grammarian heroes, I have been a lost cause!
My best friend tells me, "You write like you talk." Isn't that the voice you are supposed to using, when writing?
I use a lot of "you all," and long sentences. When I talk, I talk fast, and there isn't much time to phase, and breathe, so commas get me all the time.. Life is supposed to be continued on forever, with no time to phase.
Sometimes you have to just laugh at the insanity of life.. GRINS!!
fireeyes - AMEN! I don't mind PM's, 'cept when they come in and make fun of how I talk, which frankly I am a little sensitive about how I talk inasmuch as I have a speech impediment (NOT! - I mean, I DO have a speech impediment, but I ain't all that sensitive about. Heck, I've had it for over 50 years - I've got plenty of more important things to be sensitive about). You are SO right, though - I think we should write with our voice(s)
This particular diction I sue alot, and have made oodles of money with it as a public speaker (HAHAHAHAHA!!! A public speaker with a speech impediment - isn't that RICH!). When I lived in the Northeast, I worked for a large managed care company (put down yon tomatoes!), and they gave me a mess of Southern accounts because, being native Southern I speak fluent Southernese, and my bosses discovered I could charm the VP's on conference calls. That was kind of fun.
In a pinch, I know how to speak and write formal English, and do fairly well. But it ain't nearly as much fun. And if you ain't having alot of fun, why the heck NOT!?!