K.M. Breay

K.M. Breay
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www.kmbreay.com 美国作家。本名塞谬尔·朗赫恩·克莱门斯。

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萨缪尔克莱门斯
Editor’s Pick
JUNE 28, 2009 11:45AM

Sharon Stone Postpones Suicide

Rate: 35 Flag

 

In response to the global media attention surrounding the death of Pop Icon Michael Jackson, the actress Sharon Stone has postponed her suicide. "She's pushed it back to the third week of July," said a source close to Stone. "Her team was relatively untroubled by the passing of Ed McMahon, but after Farrah they had to consider the possibility that June had become overcrowded. When the Jacko story broke, rescheduling became a no-brainer." 

In late January of this year, the actress hired Bert Levine, the media savvy suicide consultant to the stars, who is rumored to have handled a number of high-profile clients, including Hunter S. Thompson and Vince Foster. He is also widely credited with turning Kurt Cobain into a legend. Ms. Stone, who in recent years has been reduced to making guest appearances on television shows such as “Huff” and “Higglytown Heroes,” came to the conclusion that a dramatic suicide would instantly upgrade her place in the celebrity hierarchy. 

For several months, Ms. Stone has been preparing for her suicide with Mr. Levine and her team, which is made up of hair stylists, personal trainers, fashion designers and the celebrity chef Jamie Oliver. In March, the temperamental actress fired the designer Isaac Mizrahi due to creative differences and replaced him with Tom Ford, who reportedly left the team three days later, unable to cope with Ms. Stone’s verbal abuse and relentless perfectionism. The actress has gone through a number of feature film directors and only recently settled on Andrew Lloyd Webber to helm the production. There are unconfirmed reports that Annie Liebowitz and Dominick Dunne have been brought on to document the event.

The 51-year-old actress is adhering to a strict training regimen, committing herself to a macrobiotic diet, weekly collagen injections and rehearsals that often last 12 to 14 hours a day. "This is her big chance to revive her career," said another source familiar with Ms. Stone's thinking. "Sharon is leaving nothing to chance."

Stone’s team had settled on June 26th as the date that her suicide would get maximum attention, knowing they could easily upstage coverage of the potential revolution in Iran, the debate about universal healthcare and the continuing coverage of the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. The team was pleased to see the New York Times devote several front page stories to Mr. Jackson's death, including an interactive feature on their website titled "Your Favorite Michael Jackson Song."

The project has gone through a number of changes. Initially, Ms. Stone planned to disrobe atop the Eiffel Tower and sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" before swan diving to her death. The director Quentin Tarantino, who was briefly attached to the project, wanted the actress to dress as a Geisha and squeeze herself into a laundry dryer, where Ms. Stone would tumble for 40 minutes on a low dry cycle before expiring. The actress also considered leaping from a ferris wheel or being eaten by an alpaca -- or combining the two, with Ms. Stone leaping from a ferris wheel and then being eaten by an alpaca. The team eventually settled on creating a reality show around the suicide, which is to be called "Stoned To Death."

Bravo, Fox and NBC are quietly negotiating with Mr. Levine for the rights to "Stoned To Death." Reps from all three networks refused to comment. 

 

 

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I can hardly wait to tune in. I'll miss her superior intelligence and beyond wonderfulness that I have so enjoyed hearing her expound upon whenever she's interviewed. But, ratings is the name of the game in Lost Angeles and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I'll definitelytune in and give her my full Nielsen support.

Any world on if there are similar show's planned for that weird, born-again Baldwin Brother? Or maybe Q. Tarantino, himself I'd also watch suicide reality shows with anyone that ever appeared on the Apprentice, Celebrity or otherwise. Happy-happy, joy-joy this will be a summer of television viewing I'm devilishly looking forward to. Thanks for the heads up!
Just discovered your great blog. Chilling.
What a commando! I guess she's too old and the cave is too dark and too deep.
Has Jessica Simpson scheduled hers for July 14th? Off with her head! This is brilliant, cutting writing at its very best.
Holy crap, that's amazing. "The actress also considered leaping from a ferris wheel or being eaten by an alpaca -- or combining the two, with Ms. Stone leaping from a ferris wheel and then being eaten by an alpaca." Yep, I spit up some coffee. Hee hee hee.
Geez, this is funny in perverse kind of way. However, you are treading on dangerous ground. You know how fragile movie stars are. I just hope that Ms. Stone doesn't get any ideas from you post. After all, it would boost her star power. If she does kill herself, I wouldn't want to be you. OS Blogger Killed Sharon Stone! The paparazzi will be all over you, not to mention the criminal investigation. Get a good lawyer now!

rated
This is a masterpiece! Rated, re-read, recommended.
Very, very funny, but, Glory, I hope she doesn't do it (by coincidence). I love your writing!
What do you wear in a lawsuit - a 48 long? Masterpiece.
This is one of my favorites. Well, I think that with every-other new one you write. I love it. LOVE IT!! Jean needs to read these, please send her the link!
funny and tasteless at the same time. I see how you worked backwords from your punchline. clever.
During the Congressional August recess makes better sense.
Excellent blog.

I believe I have an Onion in the frig.

BTW-Could we be so fortunate that this might start a trend?
You would think that the brain dead at fixed noise would he jostling for position.
And I understand that, if you call RIGHT NOW, you can get Billy Mays PLUS the ShamWOW guy for just 19.95 and NO SHIPPING!!
geez, that was stupid. ok, if you don't like stone, fine, but taking the time to write about her offing herself? falls under the category of having nothing to say about anything worthwhile......
Hah. Poor Sharon. You nailed her.
May I be the one to cast the first stone? Very funny post!
You are Definitely Wick'd Smaht.

I like that.
Great satire! I was hoping for a mass suicide, and I have my list. Rated
what channel with this be on again? hard to beat suicide as a career move.
Brilliant! Especially the alpaca!
I love how your mind works. This was entertaining and very funny.
This is the sort of thing that is more fun to write than it is to read - like your bio (which could do with some proofreading...): self-indulgent and boring!
Very funny, but it won't be so funny if something happens to Ms Stone. Anyone trying to compete for precious air time with the feeding frenzy of media sharks hounding Jackson in death just as they did in life will be sorely disappointed. The way-over-hype has pushed the philandering ways of smarmy US Senator John Ensign from the news, along with the deaths of Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon and Billy Mays. Only a herculean helping of hypocrisy and embarrassing self-flagellation allowed SC governor Mark Sanford to peek thru the media cloud of non-news surrounding Jackson.
Sharon Stone's still alive?
You haven't left one "stone" unturned with this compelling saga.

What about the "Komodo Dragon"....and the blindfold...did I miss something???

Damn I wish you were single because your bio...is just my style!!!