White House Embroiled In Black Hitler Controversy
The White House is facing continued pressure to release evidence that proves President Obama is not the black reincarnation of Adolf Hitler.
Speculation that the president is Black Hitler began several weeks ago when a grass-roots organization called ‘U.S.A. Kicks Ass’ produced what they said was a “Past-Life Certificate,” which featured, among other things, a baby photograph of the future president wearing a swastika diaper and a thin, milk-stained moustache. Defenders of the president claim the moustache was added to the president’s face with a simple black crayon, and point out that swastika diapers were not invented until 1977, sixteen years after the president was born. But the Past-Lifers argue that Mr. Obama has always looked young for his age, and that he was not properly potty trained until the second semester of his freshman year at Occidental College. The White House has thus far been unable to produce evidence that Mr. Obama was potty-trained prior to the invention of swastika diapers.
The Past-Lifers movement has grown exponentially in recent weeks as a number of television and radio personalities have started to aggressively report the story. “Look out America,” warned Fox News television host Glenn Beck on a recent show. “Because this Black Hitler is plotting to round up and execute every single God-fearing American who disagrees with his gay-communist agenda.” Sean Hannity, another Fox News host, devoted his entire Tuesday evening show to the Black Hitler story. “The smoking gun is this swastika diaper,” said Mr. Hannity, as he waved around the black baby Hitler picture. “As far as I’m concerned, the only difference between White Hitler and Black Hitler is that White Hitler wasn’t best friends with Bill Ayers.”
This week a group called “You’re Different, We Hate You” released an incriminating video on the Internet that features then-Senate candidate Obama backstage at the 2004 Democratic Convention, moments before his now famous keynote address. After straightening his tie and buttoning his jacket, Mr. Obama turns to an aide and says, “Schwarzer Hitler gonna trick all these dumb honkeys" before devouring an entire 40 ouncer of Colt 45 malt liquor, handing the empty bottle to the ghost of Tupac Shakur and goosestepping towards the stage while singing the lyrics to an unidentified Negro spiritual in flawless German.
Critics of the ‘dumb honkey’ video claim that the man portrayed is not Mr. Obama, but is instead a Chicago based actor named Kenny Jennings, who has appeared in several Baja Fresh commercials and is known in local comedy circles for his impressions of Walter Mondale and Art Garfunkel. The ghostly image of the deceased gangsta rapper Tupac Shakur, they claim, is simply a man wearing a white bed sheet. But the White House has thus far failed to offer proof that the video is inauthentic.
After ignoring Black Hitlergate for weeks, The White House has in recent days begun to address the controversy head on. “The accusation that President Obama is ‘Black Hitler’ is completely ridiculous,” said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs during a contentious Monday morning press conference. “He was not White Hitler 70 years ago and he is not Black Hitler now.” But Fox News White House Correspondent Major Garrett pointed out that Mr. Gibbs had only said the president is not Black Hitler, but did not deny the possibility that the president could be a new White Hitler, a possibility made more likely, Mr. Garrett suggested, because of the president’s bi-racial heritage. “Let me be clear,” Mr. Gibbs said in response. “President Obama is not Black Hitler nor is he the new White Hitler; nor, for that matter, any other Hitler.” “What other Hitler?” demanded CNN’s Ed Henry, but Mr. Gibbs refused to answer, citing his policy of not responding to hypothetical questions.
Len Kingsolving of WordNetDaily repeatedly asked Mr. Gibbs if the White House could produce an official Past-Life Certificate that would prove the president is not Black Hitler or, in light of the most recent allegations, the new White Hitler. “Well, Len - I suppose the answer is no,” an exasperated Mr. Gibbs was forced to admit. “We cannot produce a ‘Past-Life Certificate’ that proves the president is neither the new White Hitler nor the Black Hitler.”
A recent Gallup poll revealed that 64 percent of registered Republicans believe the president is Black Hitler, up from 32 percent one year ago. Amongst non-college, non-high school educated Southern Republicans, the number leaps to 104 percent. And a full 90 percent of Republicans believe that, even if the president is not Black Hitler, he is probably at least a little bit gay.