George Chesterton

George Chesterton
Location
Havana, Cuba
Birthday
April 21
Company
9

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Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 22, 2011 10:42PM

Pro-Romney Super PAC initiates drone attacks

Restore Our Future, the powerful pro-Romney Super PAC, has initiated an aggressive campaign of drone attacks targeting Newt Gingrich. Several hundred Romney drones were seen yesterday morning over Sioux City, Iowa and there is speculation that hundreds more will be deployed soon. &ldqu… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 21, 2011 1:11PM

Gingrich Rushed To Hospital

Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has been hospitalized after collapsing this morning outside of a diner in Davenport, Iowa. The former speaker had just left a sparsely attended ‘meet and greet’ at Annie’s Coffee Shop when he was confronted by ABC news reporter Jake Ta… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 19, 2011 9:14AM

Steve Jobs To Be Reincarnated As PC

Steve Jobs, the aggressive and demanding personal technology pioneer who died in early October, will be reincarnated as a PC. Afterlife Court spokesman Tom Breen, a former mortgage broker who is living his second life as a slip-n-slide, made the announcement via Twitter.

Mr. Jobs was convicted of &ls… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 5, 2011 12:57PM

Bush Frequent Presence At Shopping Mall

Every weekday at noon inside a North Dallas shopping mall, the 43rd president of the United States sits down at his usual table in the food court with two plates of magic fries, a jumbo Mello Yellow and a grande chimichanga with extra queso.  “When he first starting showin’ up a/

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Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 28, 2011 11:42AM

Rick Perry Reveals Special Needs Diagnosis

In a daring effort to resurrect their candidate’s flagging prospects and turn their biggest weakness into a strength, the Perry campaign is set to announce that their candidate suffers from something called Cognitive Infantilism, a chronic, life-long disease that impairs brain development and

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Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 21, 2011 7:22PM

Goldman Sachs Announces Candidacy For President

Goldman Sachs Inc., the global investment bank and financial services firm, announced this morning that it is running for president of the United States. The announcement was made at a farm near Waterloo, Iowa by the musician Ted Nugent, who was hired to speak for the candidate. “We love oil an… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 18, 2011 10:26PM

Mitt Romney Has A Secret

Just as Mitt Romney's presidential campaign was getting off the ground I was hired by the campaign as a kind of junior speechwriter/copy man. On my first day, they gave me a cubicle, a power shake and a black lawn jockey filled with multi-vitamins. The memo on my desk instructed me… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 31, 2009 11:49AM

Glenn Beck Marries Glenn Beck

Fox News television host Glenn Beck married himself Sunday evening on the precipice of a small hill overlooking the Mexican border. “I’ve never seen him happier,” said Kenneth Duncan, a longtime friend. “All these years looking for true love and it turns out he was standingRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 28, 2009 11:09AM

Bill O'Reilly Rushed To Hospital

Fox News Television Host Bill O’Reilly was rushed to New York Presbyterian Hospital Friday morning after he was found unconscious and lying on the floor of his office at Fox News Headquarters in Manhattan.

The 59-year-old father of two was found by an O’Reilly Factor segment producer wh… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 27, 2009 10:19AM

Dennis Hastert Sex Tape Fails To Impress

dennis-hastert

The release of a sex tape featuring former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert having intercourse with an unidentified woman in a Las Vegas hot tub has failed to achieve its intended aims. “It was a risk,” admitted an advisor close to Mr. Hastert. “But if Kennedy hadn’… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 17, 2009 11:53AM

White House Embroiled In Black Hitler Controversy

The White House is facing continued pressure to release evidence that proves President Obama is not the black reincarnation of Adolf Hitler.

Speculation that the president is Black Hitler began several weeks ago when a grass-roots organization called ‘U.S.A. Kicks Ass’ produced what the… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 12, 2009 8:09PM

Breaking News: Obama Signs Historic Healthcare Legislation

President Obama made history Wednesday afternoon when he signed into law legislation that guarantees healthcare for all Americans. “A struggle that began nearly one hundred years ago ends today,” said the president in a Rose Garden ceremony. “There is no doubt this is one of America… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 7, 2009 12:37PM

My Life In Hell

 

I died last Sunday in a Burbank hospital while my third wife Rachel stood out of earshot from the nurse, whispering into her cell phone, scheduling an appointment with her colorist. I believe the last words I ever heard her speak were ‘I
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Editor’s Pick
JULY 13, 2009 2:42PM

The United States of America 1776 – 2018

The United States of America, who dominated the world’s commerce, culture and foreign affairs for nearly two and a half centuries, died Sunday evening at the age of 242. The official cause of death was apathy, although in recent years she had suffered from a variety of serious ailments.

Historia/… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
JULY 1, 2009 11:20AM

Dick Cheney Is Dead

New York Times – February 7, 2029

This obituary is brought to you by Frito-Lay

Dick Cheney, who dominated the world of reality television for over two decades and became one of America’s most beloved celebrities, died on Sunday at his home in Rancho Mirage, CA. He was 88.… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 28, 2009 11:45AM

Sharon Stone Postpones Suicide

 

In response to the global media attention surrounding the death of Pop Icon Michael Jackson, the actress Sharon Stone has postponed her suicide. "She's pushed it back to the third week of July," said a source close to Stone. "Her team was relatively untroubled by the passing of Ed McMahon,Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 4, 2009 10:06AM

I'm running for president

My fellow Americans, I have decided to run for president in the year 2012. And I have concluded, after careful and thoughtful consideration, that this country wants to elect a man who cannot be impugned, blackmailed or vilified because of prior indiscretions or lapses in judgment. My reasoning is asRead full post »
Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 20, 2008 9:33AM

Blinged Out Paulson Family Raises Questions

Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and his family have drawn considerable negative attention recently for making a number of conspicuous purchases, all of which were made after Congress approved its "no strings attached," 700 billion dollar bailout of Wall Street last month.

Mr. Paulson first raised eyeRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 11, 2008 1:11PM

Bush To Obama: “I Do My Best Thinking On This Crapper.”

President Bush hosted president-elect Obama at the White House Monday morning for what aides characterized as a “productive and gracious meeting.” The conversations between the two men were intended to remain secret, but a high-level source that was privy to the meeting has provided a detRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 2, 2008 3:54PM

Biden On Biden

Text Of Charlie Rose's Interview With Joe Biden - September 14, 2008

 Charlie Rose:  Thank you so much for being here, Senator. There is so much I want to cover, but let me start with your sense of Senator Obama. What will he bring to the Oval Office? What kind of president/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 2, 2008 3:53PM

McCain's Short List Revealed

Date: August 14, 2008
Re: Possible Vice Presidents
From: Steve Schmidt
To: John McCain, Rick Davis, Mark Salter

Maury Povich - Host of one of highest rated television programs in American history. Extraordinarily loyal following amongst the most downscale of Hillary's supporters: non-college, non/
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Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 2, 2008 3:53PM

McCain Acceptance Speech Makes History

The New York Times - September 5, 2008

ST. PAUL - John McCain delivered a memorable and highly unlikely acceptance speech last night that was heralded by Republicans as a monumental achievement, and dismissed by the Obama campaign as a cheap political stunt that degraded the American political procRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 2, 2008 3:52PM

Protocols of the Elders of Georgetown

 

Every year on Charlie Rose’s birthday, The Elders of Georgetown – a politburo of elite journalists, editors and anchormen – convene in a secret chamber beneath the home of Sally Quinn where they plot to take over the United States of America. The organization was founded in 1Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 2, 2008 3:52PM

"House of Palin" Finale Breaks Records

The season finale of Fox's smash hit "House Of Palin" garnered a record 58 million viewers Thursday evening, becoming the most watched television show in American history. The wildly successful reality program, which chronicles the foibles and follies of Vice President Sarah Palin and her whackyRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 2, 2008 3:51PM

New McCain Ads Move Poll Numbers

A new Washington Post-CNN poll indicates that Senator McCain's recent advertising blitz has significantly widened his lead amongst white working-class voters. The McCain campaign began airing the hard-hitting ads last week in Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Virginia, and has committed 35 million dolRead full post »