My Life, My Health, My Hell- My CURSE

The 20+ year road of dealing with a Multi-Generational Curse

P Slater

P Slater
Location
Nevada, USA
Birthday
July 14
Bio
Hello and welcome to my blog. I am 42 years old , and after 20+ years of going through hell with marrying young, divorce, numerous medical problems that nearly claimed my life several times, I have decided to write about the trials and tribulations that led me to where I am today. I have never been much of a spiritual sort of person, but a few years ago, my life changed when I became a born-again Christian and was able to open my mind. When the possiblility recently came about that I have something called "A multi-generational curse", something passed down from my ancestors,it was worth looking into. My life has not been an easy road traveled, and it's been a very painful one. But I am living proof that strength is possible and that god definitely had a plan for me. Please read my "Preface" as it explains alot. Today, I have a wonderful supportive husband and am working to be happy. It has taken me quite a few years to get up the courage to write about my life, and now it has come to the point where I need to get it down on paper...or screen. It's going to take awhile, but it has to be done. So here goes....

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Salon.com
AUGUST 29, 2009 7:19PM

Did I just have "stupid" written on my forehead?

Rate: 2 Flag

 Page 9-

It wasn't long before Mark and I were buying a house. I couldn't believe it.. I was going to have a home of my own, and Jaime was going to have a backyard to play in instead of a balcony. I was so excited, because I never thought it would happen for me. My Parents were thrilled that things were going well, and that we were taken care of. Mark had bought into a Lawn care company in town, and taken over the every day running of it, and then eventually bought it outright. He enlisted the help of his brother Brad, the one who I originally was set up to go out with before Mark made his move. We all ended up having a big laugh over it all, and he and I became good friends. The buiness grew fairly fast with the two of them working constantly, and I was basically the secretary, and bookkeeper.

I had such a great time, decorating my new home, re-painting, and furninshing, and stenciling the walls, that I decided to start my own little side business making crafts and going to craft shows and such. Jaime would go along with me, and help set up the displays, and we would have a grand old time. It was maybe 6 months to a year after we moved into the house when things started to drastically change. It was if the man I married , the kind, considerate man, who would open doors for us, and smile, and say nice things to us, had been replaced by Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. He had become a person I did not like at all.

I first noticed it when we were in our back yard cutting down some trees. There was an excess of them on our property and Mark wanted to get rid of them. He got out the chainsaw, and started to cut them down. Jaime was playing in her new playground playhouse that he had made for her, and I was standing by watching him. There was a tree that I didn't want him to cut down because it was very pretty, and he got very argumentative with me, saying it was a horrible tree, and it was comiing down. I asked him to please not cut it down, so we could have a little shade in the middle of the yard, which is where the tree was, and he just completely lost it, and started screaming at me, with chainsaw in hand, ran towards the tree, and chopped it down. "I said the goddamn tree was coming down!" He kept on yelling, which made the neighbors next door come out to see what was going on, which of course embarassed me to no end. When I asked him to lower his voice, he replied, "It's my house, fuck them." And that's when it all started. The big change. He was never like the man I married again, and I don't know why.

 

It was almost as if he was waiting for the right moment to have his true image to emerge. That all along, he was just portraying a character to reel me in. And I fell for it hook line and sinker. Now I had the home, and I was comfy in my surroundings, he had me doing his company work, instead of me doing what I used to do, and I was now working a part-time job that paid horribly. (I quit that shortly after we married because he wanted me close to home) and now I was seeing some horribly controlling attributes that I didn't like at all. We were getting in arguements all the time, and when we did, his face would contort, get red, and he would get mere inches from my face so that the saliva would actually hit my face when he screamed at me.

At first, I was very scared of it, and just hovered, when he yelled. But after awhile, I got so used it that I started to yell back, and he didn't like that at all. The first time I yelled back at him I was standing on the bottom of the staircase. I don't even remember what the reason for the arguement was, but I sure remember what happened. He got right into my face like he always did, and he was a VERY large man. Six foot six inches tall, and three hundred pounds. I was five foot seven and one hundred thirty, so you do the math. He was screaming at me, and I grabbed onto the handrail for support. I said "Shut up, and stop screaming at me goddammit. I'm sick and tired of it!" His eyes almost got black, as he balled up his hand and hit me square across the face knocking me down, and then he spat in my face. "And what are you going to do about it, you stupid cunt?"

It was the first time he'd hit me, and I'd never heard him use that language before, especially to me. Thank god Jaime was playing at a friend's house. I started hitting him to get him off of me, and ran up the stairs to the bedroom and slammed the door. I was crying hysterically, and called his parents house for help. They only lived a few minutes away. His father had seen some of the arguements we had been been, and seen his anger, but nothing like this. I was a little shocked when the first thing out of his father's mouth was, "what did you do to set him off?" I thought to myself, Wow.. this is really jacked up. They must have known all along that he had an anger problem. I didn't tell his Dad right then that he hit me, But I did tell him I needed help. He was on his way over. Mark burst into the room screaming as usual, and at that moment I really was scared. I ran around the room like a child trying to get away as he chased me through the house. It was actually pretty rediculous. I managed to make it outside into the backyard, as he followed outside yelling obcenities. As I rounded the side of the house, I stopped, and he cought up with me and got in my face once more. I was in the middle of asking him if that's what he was turning into, a wife beating son-of-a-bitch, who gets off on the chase. "Are you going to hit me again, right out here in the open?". I heard a voice behind me, and it was his father. "Goddammit Mark, knock it off. Go inside!" I was relieved in a way, but in another, it was almost as if his father had known this was going to happen, and was giving him an out, an excuse. I followed behind and listened to his Dad lecture him about his mouth, but never about hitting me. Mark kept making excuses about I just pissed him off, and he couldn't help it. I guess that's justification.

The fights didn't stop, and either did the frequency. In fact, they even went on in front of others as time went on because I got to the point where I was not going to take his crap, so I fought back. I had been cleaning the house one Sunday, vaccuming and such, and his cousin Tommy showed up unannounced. The football game was on, which didn't make a difference to me, because I needed to finish the house. Mark started yelling at me to stop what I was doing so I could "attend" to him. "Yo.. beer me, wife, and while you're at it... Beer Tommy too." Great belly laughs emitted from the two males, as I stood there standing in awe, not believeing that he just said what he did. "Excuse me??" I said. He cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes at me. "Did I stutter? Go get me a beer. And get my cousin one too while you're in there. And put the vaccuum away... GO." I shook my head and went into the kitchen, biting my tongue as I overheard his cousin tell him that he hadn't changed at all. Well, that was for sure. I grabbed to beers out of the fridge and walked back into the living room. I plastered a fake smile on my furious face as I handed one beer to his cousin, and turned to my disrespectful husband, and said, "here's your beer, honey" , as I shook it up and popped the top, throwing the foamy beverage at him. The beer went everywhere, but I didn't care because I was so mad that he could disrespect me that way in front of his family, so to me, having to clean it up, and watch his face as I got him back was payback enough. Tommy sat there and laughed his head off, while Mark got up, cursing every word in the book and chasing me up the stairs. Tommy figured it was all in fun, but what he didn't know was that Mark was actually going after me. I got to the bathroom before he caught me, and locked the door so fortunately for Tommy, he didn't have to witness anything more than he did. Mark walked away calling me all sorts of names, which I'm sure his cousin thought was a little inappropriate for spraying beer.

My good friend that had made me her Maid Of Honor, and basically was the one responsible for introducing me to this family, was mortified when she found out what was happening with the two of us. I had been confiding in her, and she was a bit upset at it all. The fact was, that Mark's Brother was not like this At all. Live and learn. Many weeks later, Mark's parents left for a vacation, and he and his brother used their house to host a party for all of their mutual friends and family. It turned out to be a HUGE party, in fact it got a little out of control. I was busy keeping an eye on Jaime, and during a drunken stupor, Mark apparently made an unwelcomed pass at my friend. She was hesitant to tell me, and in fact didn't until the next day. She drove over to our house and told me what happened, and I was less than happy. She was basically telling me that she could not be my friend anymore, because of what had happened the night before compounded with what all I had been confiding in her. I was shocked that she could just end a friendship based on that. But she walked right out of my life. I confronted my husband with what she told me, and he blamed the whole instance on her at the party. I never got a clear answer.

I was never truly comfortable with my marriage after that. I don't know why. I felt like I was trapped, because I had to give to give my daughter a home and a future. I needed some of my independence back, so I went back to work, and I got a job at a medical clinic. It was nearly full time and the pay was alright. Jaime was staring kindergarten so she was going to be having changes and making new friends it seemed right. Fortunately up to that point, she had never seen us fight. She had heard a few arguements but none that were serious. I felt that I owed it to her to stay with him, because she deserved to have a family. I felt like a ragdoll. Like a empty shell of who I used to be before I met him, because he had gotten to the point where he belittled me so much. He'd hit me, he'd curse at me, and verbally abuse me, without even thinking about it, and then expect me to sleep with him and everything would be okay. It was nauseating for me, but I did it anyway. I hated being with this man, but I felt I had no choice. Then I got pregnant. I didn't know how to feel at first. I wanted another child, but at the same time, I knew I'd really be stuck with Mark.

One bad arguement led to Mark getting pretty physical with me. We actually exchanged blows with each other. I was tired of taking the brunt of it all the time, tired of having all the bruises alone, and making excuses for them. He hauled off and hit me good, and knocked me down. I was crying and angry, and got up and ended up his flesh under my fingernails. 2 days later his mother was taking me to the emergency room because I was having a miscarriage. The stress and the trauma of fighting was NOT working. It ended my babies life. I was hurt and angry, as the doctor told me in front of my mother-in-law that, "You'll be just fine, you'll be able to have more children". REALLY?? I thought. Not if this Bullshit continues I won't. His mother was so clueless, she couldn't even see the bruises on my arms and neck and torso. Mark didn't even come to the hospital. He stayed at work.

Two months later I got pregnant again. I threatened Mark that if he hit me, and if ANYTHING happened to this baby, I would castrate him. I was NOT going to lose another baby.

 

(con't..)

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Woah! "We were getting in arguements all the time, and when we did, his face would contort, get red, and he would get mere inches from my face so that the saliva would actually hit my face when he screamed at me." I;ve been there girl! Can relate. Still waiting for the happy ending.