Wow.

Joe Posnanski – Inside Baseball

The Yankees looked perfect again during last night's heart stopping loss to the LA (Anaheim?who fucking cares, right?) Angels behind another strong outing from AJ Burnett, the Bombers ace apparent after CC Sabathia.

Burnett gave up 4 runs in the first inning,… Read full post »

From Rush Limbaugh:

I have been denied my American Dream, not because of the money I've made, or the work ethic I've possessed, but because of who I am.

I ask you to imagine, just for a moment, an America where you are not allowed to buy a… Read full post »

I'm not sure this is a funny ha ha post but if anyone in the Phillies organization reads this perhaps it will promote some awareness and encourage the team to win the rest of their games outright, from wire to wire, as they navigate the long and winding road to being… Read full post »

Fresh off her train wreck of a first show as Ungaro's Artistic Advisor during Paris Fashion Week, Lindsay Lohan has found herself at the center of another media storm.  It was revealed today that she had secretly been installed as the Nobel Committee's Special Geo-Political Advisor over the summ… Read full post »

Dehli, Cape Town, Sao Paulo, London, Berlin, Washington... Pittsburgh. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things is not the same.

As members of the G-20 prepare to gather later in the week for a summit on how best to fuck over the rest of the… Read full post »

Kanye West besmirched the good and virtuous name of MTV Video Music Awards participants past and present with his intimidating, threatening, and savage street-corner tirade against poor defenseless pop country sensation Taylor Swift, a fiery young blonde with a kind of angelic girl next door beauty t… Read full post »

Serena Williams' besmirched the good and virtuous name of tennis players past and present with her intimidating, threatening, and savage street-corner tirade against a poor defenseless line judge in Saturday's US Open Semi-final against Kim Clijghdfjdsters, a fiery young spark-plug from Belgium with… Read full post »

Last week's brave essay from Katie Roiphe about her narcotic obsession with her newborn empowered me to discuss my own substance abuse issues relating to my children.

For three years now I have been struggling with a debilitating addiction to my kids. It started off pretty casually --… Read full post »

Back in '96 I was a senior in high-school. My poli-sci class took a three day trip to our nation's capital to witness America's glorious political process at work.

I remember the trip including a meeting with Rick Santorum (that he eventually skipped out on at the last… Read full post »

The medical name for it was “skin-tag”, at least I think that was the medical name for it. It looked like a tiny meatball stuck to my eye, it was growing, it was totally gross. Thanks to the health plan I have through my wife's job at Whole Foods a handsome… Read full post »

First of all let me say I really like dogs. I mean I really like dogs (that sounds creepy. I really like them as pets, not, you know, as anything else).

Anyway, in my lifetime I have had three dogs, one of them was a handicapped pitbull; the kind of dog… Read full post »

Last night’s episode of ABC’s hit series the BACHLEORETTE showed America the softer side of reality TV. As the competition for Bachelorette Gillian gets stiffer the same could not be said for dark horse contestant Ed.

Ed who had previously left the show due to concerns and pressure abou… Read full post »

People of Earth I must leave you now.

The Palin-swarm must return to our planet of origin in the Crab Nebula.

We have gathered the information we needed on your customs, beliefs, and recipes for moose-chilli.  Armed with that information we feel confident that our report to the Royal-Fister… Read full post »

As millions of people watched the door swing shut on the coroner’s van containing his body, Michael Jackson was reborn.

For too many years Michael Jackson has occupied a blurred space in my mind, where the importance of what he created has been distorted, and largely overshadowed, by what came… Read full post »

Remember Mark emphasize how much you love the people and institutions you've let down.

I Love Adventure Trips! And Tom Davis! And Argentinean Pussy!

…oh yeah and I guess my wife and kids.

and maybe don't emphasize the Argentinean pussy part so much.

Tom Davis the years where… Read full post »

Press Release from Governor Mark Sanford - June 24, 2009:

My fellow South Carolinians, it is with a humble heart that I come to you this morning seeking your forgiveness. In these dangerous and unsettled times it is the duty of your elected leaders to be available at any hour of… Read full post »

President Obama kicked off his very Cosby Father's Day weekend by announcing his White House Initiative to Promote Fatherhood, and
capped it off with this gem from his letter on fatherhood in  Parade:
>
" In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood
 through its absence&… Read full post »

While TLC is being coy about the superstar reality couple’s big announcement on Monday night’s show, celebrity website TMZ may have just spoiled the surprise.

After wire tapping the couples bathroom for the last month, TMZ is reporting that Monday night’s announcement will involve t… Read full post »

Correction: Jon Miller was not part of the Sunday Night Baseball broadcast for this game but since I cannot find out who the hell was filling in for him, and since ESPN broadcasters show a similar concern for correct identification,  and since this is a SATIRE blog that no one reads… Read full post »

Anti-abortion leaders voiced concern Sunday that the Obama administration and other Democrats may try to capitalize on the murder of Dr. George Tiller to defuse the abortion issue in upcoming Supreme Court confirmation hearings.

Many anti-abortion groups expressed concern that abortion-rights activist… Read full post »

In what is sure to be a contentious battle over President Barack Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, former Governor Mike Huckabee fired the opening salvo from the Republican opposition… right into his foot.

In a statement attacking the President’s choice of Judge Sonia Sotomayor… Read full post »

Outrage Over Arlen Specter
From Michael Steele, RNC Chairman

Dear Aaron,

I hope Arlen Specter’s party change outrages you.
It should for two very important enraging reasons.

First -- Specter claimed it was philosophical -- LIES!!! He’s lying, HE IS SUCH A LIAR!! GOD why did I ever trust him?… Read full post »

From the Desk of Joseph W. Luter III, President of Smithfield Meats

Dear Valued Customer and Patriot,

In recent days the press has terrified the world with its 24 hour a day media blitz regarding a potential global pandemic whose origins can be traced back to Central Mexico.

At this point we… Read full post »