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SEPTEMBER 23, 2008 1:36PM

Palin Candidacy Leads to Serious Democratic Puppet Making

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Anger over the candidacy of ultra-con Sarah Palin has erupted all over the country in the form of giant Democratic papier-mâché puppets and street theater. During a recent event in Philadelphia, the self proclaimed “ground zero for political puppeteering”, dozens of larger than life puppets and performers swarmed the streets in an effort to inform the public of Palin’s dangerous social agenda and effect policy change for the current administration.

Activist and probable bike messenger, Roddy Van Gopnick Swenson III, took time out from the arduous task of showing the world how seriously liberals take political action to speak with reporters.

“Seriously enough to build this monster fucking puppet and then drag it around for twenty fucking blocks,” he panted. “I call it, ‘Cheney: The Defecating Prairie Dog’. Its about how he{Cheney} totally shits all over the Constitution, which, like, doesn’t even really exist anymore, and then he ducks his creepy little head back into his underground hole, where he’s safe, and he’s stored all his nuts for the cold season.”

While it is difficult to tell the puppet is based on Cheney the other two components are clearly visible. The puppet itself is about the size of Swenson, and when mounted to his back he looks twice as tall as the average man. The head of the puppet bobs in and out of what looks like a giant mini golf hole fixed above the crown of Swenson’s head. The meticulously crafted backside of the puppet consists of a shellacked papier-mâché man’s rear end. The puppet is in the process of pulling his pants down, every few steps coca cola and tennis balls that have been painted brown are released from between its butt cheeks using a button held in Swenson’s hand.

While most thinking people are quick to understand the symbolism in Swenson’s work (even in the face of a questionable likeness), there are bound to be detractors and cynics. As Swenson strapped up to rejoin the parade one passerbay stopped and asked, “Why’s Regis pooping tennis balls all over that white boy’s back?”

Swenson unable to hear the comment over the marching drum circle he had rejoined, pointed at the elderly black man who had raised question and yelled, “I’m out here for you brother!! Change we can believe in, right on!!”

Another performer who would only give his name as Dot Net, reiterated the sense of urgency in the message of the parade.

“We have to let America know about the social policies that the ultra-cons are going to handcuff us with in...”

Before he could finish his thought a reporter cut him off by asking about his costume, which looked something like the drawing of the Humanzee which was popularized by MONSTERQUEST several months ago. The Humanzee is half human half chimpanzee and not to be confused with a Man-rangotan.

Dot Net explained:

“I’m the embodiment of Scara Palin’s Neolithic ideas about edu...”

Again Mr. Net was interrupted by another reporter who asked about the novelty prosthetic breasts erupting from the front of the costume.

“These represent the teats from which the ultra-con base is suckled and soon all of...”

“What about the multiple flash-lights pointing out of your crotch?” asked one reporter, while another began to finger Mr. Net’s fiery red tail curiously.

Apparently the metaphor was lost on local news.

The definitive word on the event and its importance came from the organizer Steve Miller:

“Once the squares and droids in Washington hear our message and see our puppets they’ll know that a new day for old style Democracy is coming; Pooping Cheney and Man-rangotan represent a changing tide in this country, a tide that is going to sweep the Ultra-Cons right out to sea.”

Miller then straightened his diaper, shook his rattle, and hopped back into the bassinet soap box that was being pushed by a man dressed as a giant smoking bong. As they disappeared into the hipster bar three blocks away it was hard not to believe that a change we could believe in was coming.

When asked by reporters how he would combat this kind of threat to the conservative strangle-hold over the country, Republican strategist, and defecating prairie dog, Karl Rove said:

“Wake up before noon and vote on the right day.”  

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This reminds me of a "Cave women for Palin" performance art piece I saw this weekend.
Sadly, I think you base this fiction on too much fact.

Can you be sure Rove and McCain haven't hired these kind of performance artists and puppeteers to tell people to vote for Obama?
Imagine! Human puppets running around Philadelphia acting like people in Philadelphia are actually going to vote for Sarah Palin! And it's hard not to laugh when the guy is described as an "activist." Everyone born in Philadelphia has a box that is checked on their birth certificate right next to gender: Activist. The only missing to complete this caricature of democracy Philly-style is his mother's hypenated maiden name.

I mean, Philadelphia is just a model city for Democratic rule, isn't it?
It is just one example of the low level of political discourse in this country. This specific method may be used mostly on one side of the spectrum, but the other side has equally low levels (like the screeds of talk show hosts).