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February 04
Kressskin has David Bowie style eyes. Kressskin also has David Bowie style venereal diseases, which imbue him with extra sensory perceptions regarding the cloudy reaches of the distant future and the hidden intricacies of the present, along with painful rashes and burning sensations upon urination. To look upon Kresskin's super cool multi-colored eyes is to take a look into the itchiest, most irritated, parts of your soul. Do you dare?

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Editor’s Pick
MAY 26, 2009 1:57PM

Mike Huckabee: They’re All Named Maria, Right?

Rate: 40 Flag

In what is sure to be a contentious battle over President Barack Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, former Governor Mike Huckabee fired the opening salvo from the Republican opposition… right into his foot.

In a statement attacking the President’s choice of Judge Sonia Sotomayor, Huckabee mistakenly referred to her as Maria Sotomayor.

From a high-school auditorium in downtown Little Rock, Huckabee sang his statement to a packed house that included his family, friends,  and all his awkward Drama Club buddies who will be scattered to the four winds after graduation next week.

The audience was silent as Huckabee broke into his statement:

"The President’s choice of Maria Sotomayor is the clearest indication that the truce between the Democrats and Republicans  is over and there is going to be a rumble tonight.

The GOP is going to have its day tonight.
We’re going to jazz it tonight! Tonight!
Obama began it, and we’re the ones to stop em once and for all!
The GOP are gonna have their way!
The GOP are gonna have their day!
We’re gonna rock it tonight.

After the production Huckabee was asked to comment on the error. Huckabee looked stunned, but recovered quickly and immediately responded to his mistake:

“I’m so sorry for any offense taken by Judge Sotomayor or her family. I just literally thought that they were all named Maria.

I obviously intended no disrespect to Anita Sotomayor, my mistake regarding her name was merely the result of a complete and utter lack of interest in a minority group for whom my only real understanding comes from a 1961 movie musical. But what a musical it was.

WEST SIDE STORY taught regular Americans that Mexicans are a proud group of immigrants who love knife fights and dancing.

And while I will not back down from my harsh criticism of a candidate that I am so opposed to, that I didn‘t even deem it necessary to learn her name, I would never dream of disparaging Anita Sotomayor‘s cultural identity by somehow implying that she is simply a generic stereotype in my mind. I have looked into Anita Sotomayor‘s eyes (on TV) and what I have seen staring back is a proud Mexican who loves dancing and knife fights and a gentle Italian man named Tony.

Te amo mi marron amigos. Viva Mexico! Viva America!”   

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The only issue I would take here is that Maria in West Side Story was Puerto Rican. (But, I suppose that Mexican and Puerto Rican are interchangeable to people like Huckabee.) Also, Tony was Polish.

(Don't ask me how many times I've seen West Side Story.)
Well, now I'm reading that Sotomayor is Puerto Rican. I thought she was Mexican, but grew up in Puerto Rico.

I'm getting very confused.
WEST SIDE STORY taught regular Americans that Mexicans are a proud group

The Sharks gang in West Side Story was Puerto Rican, not Mexican...a little irony here I guess.
Yeah, the Mexican reference is part of the joke, methinks.
"Te amo mi marron amigos."

I will settle for condescending Spanish but NOT gramatically incorrect condescending Spanish!
"Yeah, the Mexican reference is part of the joke, methinks."

Well, that's what I'm wondering...
Wait, is this serious???? This sounds like a hoax to me. I'm going over to to check it out now. I'm pretty sure that even though Mike Huckabee knew that the Arthur Laurents' original Anton was of Italian decent he also knew damn well that the character was rewritten to be Polish.
Hey wait a second! I think this is some sort of a joke. You're not really an abnormally large baby girl, are you? If so, then how do you know how to type?? Ha, gotcha! That would also explain why your condescending Spanish is also grammatically incorrect and why you don't know the difference between Poles and Italians!
Excellent satire. So good, in fact, that it seems you fooled Salon's editorial staff, who has front-paged this without so identifying it.
It's supposed to be Huckabee speaking, ergo all Latinos = Mexicans.
Maria? Anita? Sorry, huckster....her name is Sonia Sotomayor.

What a disgrace!!!
I'm thinking that this would have been just as funny with the correct identification of the ethnic groups from West Side Story. Mis-identifying them adds a layer of confusion, it seems.

We're left wondering if the author knows that the Sharks were Puerto Rican and Tony is Polish, or if she's just speaking as a befudled Huckabee. (Well, maybe only I'm wondering.)

And, surely everyone (including Salon) understands that this is satire, right?
Mr. Mike ought to slink from the stage in shame. The only things worse than getting her name wrong the first time is his racist explanation, followed by his second mistake with her name. That's three strikes in my book.
Oh, thanks Sam Bass and Jeanette. for clearing this up. NOW I get it. This is satire. Now it makes a lot more sense. Duh, of course it's satire. And the whole thing was meant to be funny. Come to think of it, it WAS pretty funny. But then shame on you, Salon editors, for not realizing that an abnormally large baby girl named Kressskin was satire. Gosh, those editors are just sooooo slow on the uptake.
Very funny amigo (amiga?) I assumed Huckabee must have attended the Broadway revival recently, but more likely it was his high school play.

There's a place for Sonia, and it's with the Supremes in Judiciary Square.
I understand that Huckabee did mistakenly refer to her as "Maria" Sotomayor. You can draw your own assumptions as to why and how that happened. Kressskin has obviously drawn her own!
Hmm, I wonder how long the editors are going to take wiping this cute satire off the Salon front page and keeping it on Open Salon where this sort of humor belongs. I'd hate for anyone to think they fell for it!
Satirize this!
Have to tell you, I rated this before I read it! The title alone is just too funny!!!!
Nicely done! And I believe you're right in suggesting that Huckabee would assume the Puerto Ricans in West Side Story are Mexican. After all, even brown-skinned citizens must be illegal immigrants, right?
The REALLY funny part is that I simply adore West Side Story. I love the dancing, I love the singing, I love Sondheim’s evocative and inspiring lyrics. But most of all, I just love the knife fights.
FYI: So far as I know, for immigration purposes, Puerto Ricans are Americans --- they can't be illegal immigrants.
Lest anyone think this is mere satire, Huckabee really did refer to her using the name Maria Sotomayor:
What satire??

For some reason some commenters appear to believe this article was meant somehow ironically or humorously. I for one fail to see what is so funny about an infanto-American bravely posting to her blog, in defiance of society's natural prejudice. She clearly just wants to be in America.
Hey Jerry Rosen:
What's with the American-non American discussion? Does anyone know the name of our continent? Are people from American countries other than the U.S. space aliens?
the post is great but the comments are seriously priceless!!
D Dub, please do forgive my 20th-century understanding of separating and identifying news vs. editorial content. I'm confused by these new ways.

This is satire but the odds are he really thinks all of the above.
It IS sort of telling, isn't it? Thanks for bringing it to our attention.
this is flippin' hilarious.

Next thing you know, we'll have Cheney, Palin, Rove & company singing...

Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset;
We never had the love that ev'ry child oughta get.
We ain't no delinquents,
We're misunderstood.
Deep down inside us there is good!

there is good! there is good!
Says Sonia: "I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!"

Uh oh.
Great post.

@Lainey, Very funny!
Please tell me you are making this up or it is a satire of some kind. I did not read the other comments because I was just getting ready to go to bed. If true I may not sleep.
Ok, Everybody! Lighten up! Geez - don't liberals have a sense of humor? Let's leave THAT to the GOP along with their intransigence.
Great satire! Sadly, it may be more accurately describing a great number of us than we know. Kressskin might have added that "they" also speak in a "foreign tongue" so they can say mean things about us Gringos and laugh behind our backs.
We gotta pass a law!
PS: If you haven't traveled to Puerto Rico you may wish to consider it. What a beautiful place with friendly people.
Hey, who's humorless? I think Kressskin is a very funny abnormally large baby. I wasn't patting myself on the back for recognizing the satire -- although it was brilliantly done, gradually sucking you into the absurdity. I was commenting on Salon's placement of it in what is typically a news slot (or, if they post a humorous piece there, they typically identify it as such). That's just my j-school side coming out, trying to think along with the editors. They did the piece a favor, actually -- because of where it was posted, I wasn't ready for it. A full-on double-take was necessary!

So anyway, Kressskin is cool with me. In fact, I've bookmarked her -- because if the economy gets any worse, and I get hungry....
Huckabee is a pretty likeable guy. You may not agree with him but, save you poison for the more obvious, you lose all perspective and credibility bashing such a moderate fellow.
I just read this to my hubby - we laughed.

Kind of demonstrates how the detractors aren't even bothering to do any research on their own, just parroting the party line. If they'd even googled her someone would have caught that mistake.

To issue a press release and get her name wrong?? That's inexcuseable, and yet very telling.
Hey Everbody,

If you liked this post you should check out some of Kressskin's other stuff. I especially love Obama's and Palin's "inner monologues" from October of last year. Just click on "Editor's Pick" above or cut and paste this
brilliantine satire, well-combed, with a ducktail.
Ignorance. Plain and simple. I do not know how much more clear it can be. Calling Sonia Sotomayor, "Maria", tells us all we need to know about Billy Bob Huckabee and all the rest who are saying she is not smart enough, has a fiery temperament, is an affirmative action candidate, etc, etc. I had no idea all of this ignorance existed toward Hispanics. It doesn't matter; she is not WASP and that is too, too much of a challenge and a threat to some. Even in this day and age. Huckabee has made a fool of himself but he has emerged as the poster boy for her opponents.
Its interesting to note that the main Salon page has taken this down now, and I can find no mention that it was ever there ... but I saw it there yesterday. You'd think they'd at LEAST acknowledge their error in placement when taking it off the main site.

Great Satire ... for the record, I got to the end and found myself saying "And NOW he's calling her ANITA?!?!?!?!?!" It was at that point that the satire slowly dawned on me. You had me going for most of the post though ... VERY well done.
I wish he had actually said all that, that would be so fantastic!
Huckabee is an ass, joining the likes of O'Reilly, Hannity, Beck, Coulter, Rove, etc. and all the haters who over-simplify and distort the issues for their unintelligent and poorly educated audience. (However, the unintelligent and poorly educated can become dangerous if incited!)
tregibbs- swung to the right? The country swung more to the right during the Clinton years then in the last eight. Welfare Reform and dpending on who you talk to NAFTA. Bush sent out more foreign Aid then any other President and the Prescription Drug Plan did more to disenfranchise many conservatives than anything Clinton could have dreams. They did like his Supreme picks but, he spent like a "Tax Cut and Spend" ________(fill in the Blank)
Huckabee is proving himself a real boob, if anybody ever had doubts. Sonia Sotomayor is Puerto Rican and NOT a Mexican. She was born a US citizen.

The man is an embarrassment.
I heard that they did a California production of West Side Story~~

I once met a boy named Mariiiiiiiaaa"
Brilliant as always Kresskin.
I'm so ashamed to be from the same state as Huckabee. He's always been a grandstanding moron who got away with saying really awful things because he put a "joking" spin on it before he ever hit the national scene. I hope he shrivels up and flies away someday.
Maybe her middle name is "Maria"?