People of Earth I must leave you now.

The Palin-swarm must return to our planet of origin in the Crab Nebula.

We have gathered the information we needed on your customs, beliefs, and recipes for moose-chilli. Now that we have what we came for, we can leave and go to a place where no human law enforcement official will find us.

When we arrived on your blue orb many cycles ago we did not realize that your Earth’s Alaska was, perhaps, not the best place to gather information about normal humans.

However I, the hive queen, quickly learned of the error, and after correcting my mistake with a historic bid for your land mass's second most important job;  I can say, with all honesty, it has been a pleasure to be the repository of all your American hopes and fears for the past year and a half. You have oozed much emotion and thought into me, and like the sponge being from another world that I am, I have absorbed and processed it. Soon I will excrete it all over my home world. 

What you good people of the lower forty eight have imprinted on we, the nebulous amorphous flesh blobs, known to you as Palin, has been an invaluable resource in understanding your human strengths and, more importantly, weaknesses.

But my swarm longs for the fragrant warmth of the mother orb’s vinegar pools. It is time for us to leave your... uh... jurisdiction... and of course I mean your Earthly jurisdiction.

My fondest memories will be of beheading the earth creature known as TUR-kee. I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to make you all my TUR-kees.

As for now, to use a confusing inapplicable Earth sport metaphor; I am like a loyal guard of points in your fast paced game of Basket-ball, my team hates me because of my talent and bad attitude, think of the earth man Kobe Bryant, but I have scored 81 of your Earth points in one match, therefore I can do whatever the hell I want, and you will like it.

At least that is what I believed until I was tipped off by a sympathetic source close to your human Justice Department. Now I am not so sure.

Bloop

Regardless, we must now take our leave of you, I can almost smell the vinegar wafting over the glittering silicon beaches.

So in closing I would like to reiterate that I am a sponge-like space-alien from a planet comprised of vinegar and silicone. I am certainly not embroiled in any sort of Blago/Stevens-esque type of pay-to-play or influence peddling scandal. I am an alien; not a politics as usual type of human.

Remember Sarah and Todd Palin will be in space so don't bother looking for us. 

In space no one can serve you Federal indictments. Or as we say on my home world:

Beep blop bloop bloop toot squawk teeeeee bonk bonk fist.

See? I'm a total space alien and definitely not subject to the laws of man, let alone the laws of the United States of America.

Blee blop,

Designate - Palin, Sarah - Former Governor of Alaska Area, of United States of America, Earth