Dehli, Cape Town, Sao Paulo, London, Berlin, Washington... Pittsburgh. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things is not the same.

As members of the G-20 prepare to gather later in the week for a summit on how best to fuck over the rest of the planet, and confused anarchists and activists make similar preparations to “live blog” and “I-capture” the small-business wrecking riots that they have planned to protest that meeting, one question is on everyone's mind:

Why are we going to Pittsburgh?

So as we all brace ourselves for the crazy dispatches from the front-lines of the war between corpro-governmental tyranny and dirty wool wearing self-righteous hypocritical pomposity, I thought I'd give you the top ten reasons Pittsburgh found itself in the “enviable” position of hosting a G-20.

1. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is totally cool with anywhere as long as there are 18 year old girls. He also thought that a city that had so many references to Mellons sounded promising.

2. It turns out that Stephen Harper is afraid of going anywhere that isn't in, or exactly like, Canada. During the entire G-20 summit in Beijing the Prime Minister demanded to be encased in a Stephen Harper-sized air-conditioned hard plastic egg. The egg's interior was painted to look like Fredericton, New Brusnwick and was equipped with an emergency supply of Mrs. Dunster's Doughnuts for moments when the food he was served looked too “slimy”- or if the hatch on the HARPERTAT FOR HUMANITY-1 failed to open.

3. The cuisine. What world leader wouldn't want french fries and coleslaw stuffed inside their Eggs Benedict?

4. This week marks the 25^th anniversary of the day Pittsburgh Mayor Richard S. Caliguiri declared the city “Stench of Death Free!”. He died three years later.

5. Gordon Brown felt like the United Kingdom owed Pittsburgh something for taking Sienna Miller off its hands for several months.

6. Pittsburgh is like Thunderdome: Twenty Finance Ministers and Central Bank Governors enter – one finance minister and central bank governor leave.

7. Aides to Mexican President Felipe Calderon have wearily reported that all the Mexican President has talked about for the past month is “seeing the rivers”. One Mexican newspaper quoted Calderon as saying “Imaginate una ciudad con tres rios! No rios - que lastima! Uno rio es bueno, dos rios es muy bueno... para tres rios es muy muy excellente!! TRES RIOS!!”

8. Angela Merkel wants a chance to beat up and embarrass a US President in his own backyard, in front of real Americans.

9. At the last G-20 one of the group activities was a screening and discussion of the seminal Bruce Willis boat drama STRIKING DISTANCE – and well, it kinda gave everybody a Pittsburgh stiffy.

10. If Pittsburgh gets trashed by protesters will anyone notice?

Alternate: Pittsburgh is the last Pennsylvania steel town that hasn't been shamed by the musical stylings of Billy Joel. No they never taught us what was real - iron and coal chromium steeeeeel.