Fresh off her train wreck of a first show as Ungaro's Artistic Advisor during Paris Fashion Week, Lindsay Lohan has found herself at the center of another media storm.  It was revealed today that she had secretly been installed as the Nobel Committee's Special Geo-Political Advisor over the summer, and was largely responsible for the bizarre selection of President Barack Obama as this year's Nobel Peace Prize recipient.

President of the prize committee Thorbjørn Jagland read a prepared statement to the press regarding the award and Ms. Lohan's role in the event.

“Look times is hard. Ya? Thorbjørn Jagland needs to eat and so does his babies. Ya? If the Nobels is to be relevant, if the Nobels is to survive, if global peace and cooperation is to be relevant, and have 'the hot' in this new millennium, then it needs to have the sexy. And who better to bring the sexy and 'the hot' than Lindsay Lohan? Let's face it, this award hasn't turned on the peoples since Lech Walesa and his magnificent mustache of mystery. I mean the Jimmy Carter, the Mohammad Yunus? Ya, there is the change I can believes in... the change in my pants, from the hard to the soft. I am confident that LiLo and President Barack Obama can get Thorbjørn Jagland and the peoples hard for peace and global cooperation again. And if you don't agree with her understanding of Geo-Political Hot Zones - like the one surrounding Barack Obama when he plays the basketballs, then I make a suggestion for you - follow the advice of next year's Nobel Laureate for Literature, Akinyele, and 'put them in your mouth, in your motherfucking mouth'. Thorbjørn Jagland out - and thanks for all the publicity bitches. Ya?”

A clearly distraught Ms. Lohan met with  press from around the world this morning to defend her choice of President Obama. When asked by a reporter if she felt like she had overstepped her area of expertise by accepting a role as special Geo Political Advisor to the Nobel Committee, Ms. Lohan vehemently defended herself.

“Being asked to advise the Nobel Committee on global issues regarding peace, multi-national cooperation, arms reduction, and 'the hot'... it was like a fairytale. Who wouldn't say yes? And by the way, I am an expert on arms reduction - before my direct to DVD smash hit LABOR PAINS I had both my arms surgically reduced by 2 inches by Dr. Fredo Goldfarb of Hollywood California. Dr. Goldfarb is my doctor and spiritual advisor, and I have been to 20 of the planet's 45 countries including Hawaii and Turkmenistan (that was an accident but very informative), that's well over a third of planet's countries by my calculations. So in closing I think my credentials speak for themselves.”

When asked why she chose President Obama over some of the other nominees Ms. Lohan said the answer lay in why she was brought on board at the Nobel Committee in the first place.

“The Hot – pure and simple. For me it really came down to President Obama and Morgan Tvguide. Mr. Tvguide has done amazing things for the Africans. Having sickly blue collar aliens park their spaceship over your city is never easy, but his peaceful opposition leadership and alien resettlement program really made a difficult situation more entertaining and educational for the rest of us earthlings.  And since the alien spaceship has gone and the aliens remaining here on earth have a new home - we are presumably coming to the end of this humanitarian crisis going on in Africa (which in the interest of full disclosure is one of the 15 countries I still have not yet been to). However I was disappointed when I got my bio folder on Mr. Tvguide from Thorbjørn. Have you seen Morgan Tvguide in real life? Two words. Total fatty.”

Ms. Lohan eneded her press conference by making a suggestion about how President Obama should accept his award.

"If he really wants to get into the spirit of why he was chosen by me and  Thorbjørn, then he'll accept the award using an atuo-tune device."  

For his part President Obama received the news of his award with all the grace and dignity of a man receiving a colonoscopy.

“Great, no this is just great. This is going to make everything much better. I'm really enjoying this.”

He then made a fist and hissed through clenched teeth, “Lilo!”