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MARCH 23, 2009 9:07AM

When Are White People Going To Stop Waiting For A Handout?

Rate: 52 Flag

A phrase you will hear every now and then is "when are blacks going to stop waiting for a handout?"  I saw it in print last night while reading commentary by Roy Blount Jr. in the Oxford American, whose latest edition is dedicated to race (that means its only about black people in America) this month.

I chuckled a bit after reading that phrase - it wasn't a half an hour earlier that I'd watched a news clip on The Larry King Show that featured a small group of protesters going from house to house in Connecticut to demonstrate in front of the mansions and estates of AIG executives.

If you've been watching the news, reading the newspaper (SUBSCRIBE NOW - THEY NEED THE MONEY), or surfing the web the last two weeks, you can probably understand why I was busy trying out that age-old phrase, one that is often uttered by those who feel that hundreds of years of racial discrimination should be bygones, with a substitution of my own.

When are these white men going to stop waiting for a handout?

The alliteration between "handout" and "bailout" does not escape me.  Because that's what it feels like right now - that there is absolutely no difference between the two.  

The only people I see on my TV these days, arguing with Congress about how much they think they should make even though their businesses would be closed by now without taxpayer assistance, or pouting to cable news analysts about the severity of their company’s situation, are white people.  White men in particular.  They all seem to be waiting for the government to do something to help them now that they are in trouble.

And I imagine we are about due now for another bombshell announcement in your local newspaper (THE MOST INFORMATION YOU CAN GET IN PRINT FOR THE MONEY) about yet another "paragon of investing virtue" whose financial chicanery will be unveiled as a total fraud.  There have been several who have been uncovered in the last few months, including Allan Stanford, the "billionaire" from Texas whose tight lipped exhortations were prominently featured on CNBC on a regular basis.  Haven’t seen one black face in the bunch.

This racial stereotype has gotten so bad that the CEO of Dominos Pizza, in a commercial that skewers the whole bailout fiasco, is walking down what is supposed to be a New York City street amid a gang of Dominos delivery guys who are handing out boxes of their "bailout special" pizza to everybody on the street when he pauses to snatch a box back from a pinstriped suited, grey haired, gruff looking white man while yelling "sorry, Mr. Hedge Fund."   

If I see one more white guy get accused of a multi-million dollar financial fraud scheme, I'm going to call the Justice Department myself.  This racial profiling has simply got to stop.

Now that I think about it, how come they aren't arresting more black Wall Street criminals?  Are you telling me that the Asians aren't smart enough to commit these kinds of crimes?  That East Indians don't have the resolve and fortitude necessary to carry out these dastardly deeds?  

I can be in the kitchen, rinsing off the dishes while the news is on - I don't even have to look up when they start talking about "millions believed lost in the latest Ponzi scheme."  I can see the straight hair, the pale skin, the blue suit, along with the affable smile that radiates nothing but goodwill without even looking at the screen.  

I predict a new look will be coming into style soon among the rich well-financed.  It will consist of rumpled clothes of unknown origin, a buzz cut, wrinkles, and bags under the eyes.  The fashion mavens in the Style section of your local newspaper (YOU WILL MISS THEM WHEN THEY ARE GONE - SUBSCRIBE TODAY) will dub it the "I Actually Work For My Money" look.  Because we all know that when white men get mad as hell, and decide they aren't going to take it anymore, they just dig in and outwork everybody else so they can regain total world domination by the sweat of their brow, right?

Nope - they revolt.  Secede.  Take other people's property and rename it as their own.  Shoot a few folks if they get in the way.  Which is how you get British colonies that become the United States of America. 

Or, in its most recent incarnation, the Glen Beck led group of insurgents known as "We Surround Them", along with those infamous "Tea Parties" that are supposed to be taking place all over the country  This small but determined fragment of America's white population, along with their favorite token minority self hate monger, Michelle Malkin, have decided that they are tired of their values and their way of life being rejected by the government, and the rest of the public that doesn't agree with them.  They are ready to "take back the country."      

When, oh when are these white people going to stop waiting for somebody to give them something?

Oh well.  I guess I'll be turning on the TV in a few minutes to see yet another privileged group of white men, who insist they they and they alone are entitled to hold the opinions that count on the economy, the government, and the president.

It's only a matter of time before this bunch starts whining about losing its lack of influence.

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What a great story and a hilarious slant! (hilarious if not so absolutely true) Your title cracked me up. Only problem is I'm a white guy and I haven't received my bailou...er handout, yet. Who do you think I should call? I wonder if they have an 800 number?
I needed this. Great balance b/w gallows humour & info.
I'm glad there is some humor here--facetious variety. Imagine if it had been the "black" man, rather than the "white" man who had come to these shores with the same "ethics" of power and domination. Then it would be a white man, rather than a black man pointing this out that greed in non-discriminatory in the final analysis.

Of course, that doesn't mitgate that these two-faced bastards don't deserve it, and shouldn't be called on it every time they try.
did you ever consider: the blacks, asians, indians, etc are just too smart to get caught?

seriously: the white race has always wanted things both ways...hell, every way. we've tried out every conceivable form of gov't, philosophy, ideology, etc. think of the western world 50 yrs ago: split in two, two diametrically opposed systems. individualism vs. commune-ism.

it's our soul. it's just...schizoid. it breaks to pieces. we adopt every possible attitude. all at once. catch up with us if you can.

we melt into any culture we come into contact with, and adopt their ways...blacks, Indian in AMerica & india...

Off the subject, sorry...we whites have appropriated the new "openness" of emotional expression, brought by the women's movement. we got it down.

Acquire! Why? Well, ultimately it is to fight off the fear of death, I think. We are death-obsessed. We build up our peronas, our property, etc...because it is material, it is permanent. So how could we die when we're so permanent? Now we have a death-avoidance industry....

Ach, we are nuts.
JimE rated
"did you ever consider: the blacks, asians, indians, etc are just too smart to get caught?"

The sentiment throughout the blog of "whites are the bad guys" is really just ballparking a type of fury over bailout money going to RICH people.

I think the people to blame are not whites in general. How absurd. I think the problem of the bailout--which seems to be the fuel to your blog--are the rich execs and CEOs going unchecked, unbalanced and wild with other peoples money. I don't see how white people--me--are to blame for any of this and I dare you to try and prove it to me.

Overall it is a good thought, but I think it is way off ball.
Nice. Real nice. I too, am sick and tired of the "Good Ole Boy" network of old, white (Caucasian), inept, corrupt, alpha-males dominating the world's financial system. I say let the minorities drive the train for awhile.
Rated & Cheers!
Very funny. Happy to find this. :)
Gives new meaning to the term "WASP" doesn't it. The crooks aren't just white anglo saxon protestants, they're jews and catholics too.
This is awesome. I cannot tell you how much I love this.
Amen! sad but TRUE! rated and posted
Much too funny for work, Kris! Please remember that if we are heard laughing out loud, people will wonder why... in these economic times. ;~)

btw, do you ever check out Dan Froomkin's White House Watch (pun intended)? In particular, please note his Cartoon Watch. Here is an example.

I did read/see something recently that made the same point... about how the really dangerous neighborhood these days is Wall Street, where we have all been mugged. If I can find it, I'll add it to your comments, too.
Bwa ha ha ha ha! So true!

I now dub this post White-Person approved. I know you were waiting for that too, right? ;)
Hmm, I hadn't heard of that Glenn Beck thing, so I looked it up, and found this on his website:

"...our power may be limited as individuals but it’s limitless when we bond together"

So now I understand - Beck is one of those commie socialist labor organizers I've been hearing about! Someone needs to stop this dangerous radical preaching about the power of the people.
This is a classic. The humor, irony and seriousness of this article makes it a must-read.
Nice bit of reverse racism. However, if you were to broaden your myopic TV habits, you'd learn that FOX News and FOX Business have tons of blacks on staff, regularly contributing to a fair and balanced dialogue.

Also, "bailout" and "handout" are not alliterative. If anything they're rhymes.
Say "hello" to GordonO'yersoannoying.
I think that this is a really great read. I also believe that those old crusty white men are a bunch of spineless wimps who use stereotypes and bigotry to get what they want.

I do however, disregard the author's statement on his, "Haven't seen one Black face in the bunch." Ever heard of Franklin Raines? I know its a bit picky, but Mr. Raines had to leave in 2004 under corruption charges, look it up.
that was great. still laughing!
How about "wealthy white people"?

We may see the rich white men on TV, bitching and moaning about wanting more despite the fact that they've already gotten more than they deserve.

But what they got is coming out of the pockets of every American taxpayer, and that includes the majority of white people, the not-so-rich coterie, the blue-collar and off-white collar and ring-around-the-collar crowd who are all out there busting their collective asses just to make the mortgage payment and keep the water running and the lights on and the furnace fueled and food on the table.

So while most of us "white people" would probably completely agree, "wealthy white people. Please.

I once agreed with your stance regarding newspapers. No longer. Maybe it's the fault of the internet, but we can no longer completely trust that journalists are checking sources. Newspapers show bias. I can't get the news without the slant. And I can't get all the news. I hope they don't disappear, and I'll miss them if they go, but they're at least partially at fault if they do.
Insightful and biting commentary. I love it when someone brilliantly flips the coin. I can already hear the justifications of why this is different...they probably started around the second paragraph. It reminds me of a point I always raise with my students: Why do we question what the homeless man is going to do with my quarter and not what Exxon is going to do with my thousands?

Very well argued and appreciated. Rated.
Fabulous. Surely you saw Larry Wilmore's take ("It's never been tougher to be white in America") on the Daily Show? If not, run don't walk.
Brilliant Post. If I got ten others to compile a list of the messes made by White Men and Women that we've had to clean up in various jobs, the truth would cause this country to implode.

Ooops...It's imploding anyway! We still don't get to tell our stories, though.

This country thrives on the lie that Black People are the source of everyone's problems. There will be a massive collapse of everything that we hold dear if Corporate Welfare ends.

So, I'll just continue to ride along at the bottom. The fall is less severe from here, but everything over my head has to come down, too.

I'll just collect my hard earned disability pay and play the lottery. It's far more rewarding than all that bullshit about College degrees, working hard, innovating, being a "team player", saving the company money, and being excellent.
"I think the people to blame are not whites in general. How absurd. I think the problem of the bailout--which seems to be the fuel to your blog--are the rich execs and CEOs going unchecked, unbalanced and wild with other peoples money. I don't see how white people--me--are to blame for any of this and I dare you to try and prove it to me. "

looks like someone missed the satire train (choo choo)...nevermind that thousands of black people get profiled on an everyday basis based on the crimes of people they have never met and have nothing in common with. nevermind that wealth and power in america is concentrated in the hands of whites. we will not tolerate any kind of satire where we might imply that white people are anything but individuals without a group identity (whereas we feel perfectly comfortable talking about people in minority groups in terms of what we think that group is like - often to the point of denying their individuality entirely). no sir. can't have talk like this.
Your article would be much funnier if it were titled, "Racial Cannibalism - When Will The 900lb. Oreo Cookie Stop Eating Me".

By the way, I'm LMWAAGSEPA off (Laughing my white affirmative action government sponsored equality program ass off). U.S.A.G. Eric Holder was right, there's still a lot of racism out there, only he's wrong about the color, everyone's in on the blame game.

Kris, come on. Attempted humor masked by racism? It barely meets the standard of ham handed idillic poetry.

But since you opened the topic of gallows humor, I'd say you need to do a bit more data mining. To which, roll the video tape please...

Stan O'Neal. Does the name ring a bell?

Or how about the new Chairman at Citigroup, Dick Parsons, who has become a high profile executive diplomat for cleaning toxic waste (TWX/AOL, and now CITI)? What about all the African American CEOs out there that reached a level of prominence in the midst of this crisis?

Should I take it that you can't have it both ways?

So, by this standard, I guess the colorless, odorless, inert taxpayers are the recipients of this years "White Man's Burden" award delivered by giants of industry like Stan O'Neal (former CEO of Merrill Lynch, before John Thain - another criminal and a white one at that); Kenneth Chenault (CEO of American Express, the company that took $3.39 billion in TARP money and paid Kenny a cool $27.3 mm in cash & stock - no bonus); and of course the pièce de résistance... Franklin Raines, former CEO of Fannie Mae.

Kris, turn around! The Oreo Cookie is looking to eat you next my friend. And it might wash you down with a glass of ice cold milk or chocolate milk, it doesn't really matter which one.
I love it when the status quo perspective is turned on its head as you do here. The truth is that corporate welfare far outdistances welfare for the poor and always has. The public trough is crowded with the powerful and white and male.
Wait, so I'm not getting 165 million?

The rich white guys are used to a certain level of lifestyle. Who among us would be so cruel as to abruptly deny them that just because they destroyed the economy?
Fortunately the now oppressed rich white guys will be allowed to purchase the "bad" assets with taxpayer debt by bidding against each other to see which one will pay the most taxpayer debt for the "assets."

Thank goodness for Affirmative Auction

Great post, Kris
This is a very funny post, and the parenthetical "advertising" lines for the newspapers makes it even funnier.

I understand (kinda) the need to point out that some of the new class of welfare queens are black or asian or mixed, but it is really beside the point. For years, black people have born the brunt of disdain for collecting welfare, even though the majority of people on welfare are white.

Well, the majority of the new corporate welfare queens are white. They are really beneath contempt for all their posturing about how they are too important to fail. The fact that a few are nonwhite doesn't mitigate their hubris one iota.
Fantastic! I especially liked this paragraph "If I see one more white guy get accused of a multi-million dollar financial fraud scheme, I'm going to call the Justice Department myself. This racial profiling has simply got to stop."
Workmen took down the AIG sign at the company's property-casualty offices in Manhattan over the weekend. To "distinguish these well-capitalized businesses from AIG." The operation's new name is AIU Holdings Ltd.

Why not IOU Holdings Ltd? They don't intend to give any of that gov't cheese back, do they?
In response to some comments:

I don't think anyone missed the satire.

I don't think anyone missed what would be called racism if a white person wrote something similar about black people, either.

Weren't we all taught that "two wrongs don't make a right?" Just because some white ignorant ass says something about "black people" doesn't make it ok for a black person to say something about "white people". Or Asian people, or Indian people or Native Americans, etc., etc.

I find it ironic that the very people who complain about generalizations and ethnicism and racism are often people who practice it, good intentions or not. I wonder how they justify that to themselves. If we want a colorblind society, we're all going to have to stop pointing the finger at entire races and ethnicities.

And the wealthy are kind of in a category all their own, anyway. Not black, not white, not Asian; just well off, and not in the same boat as the majority of the country.

The "Trickle Up" Effect: Give Blacks Bailout Money


I make fun of everybody.

I had absolutely no choice, when I read that age-old sentence YET AGAIN, but to quit laughing so hard at the absurdity of this old Southern man's ingrained beliefs.

For those of you who think this post is unfair - is there a word that is more of a bottom-of-the-barrel, I-can't think-of-anything-else-that-makes-sense plaintive cry than "unfair"? - write your own damn satire.

To those of you whose mothers didn't drop you on your head when you were young, which allowed you to retain enough working brain cells to be able to appreciate the kind of finer, more nuanced humor I fancy - thank you for your kind words of praise.

But if we step back a little, and look at the big picture:

AIG probably lost a million bucks in the time it took me to write this post.

I'm pretty good at pissing away money myself, but I could see where it might take a highly trained specialist to keep it up hour after hour.

Have you waved goodbye to your tax dollars today?
Funny stuff; reminds me of the commentators on Jon Stewart.
sickofstupid has a point, in that this bailout business has more to do with class than race. It's just that - this being good ol' racist Amerika - the folks in the bailed-out class are overwhelmingly white. But that doesn't mean they're aren't a lot of white folk in the group that got - and is getting, and will continue to get - royally screwed by this financial crisis.

Still, I think this was a funny post, with a good point.
I am STILL upset that Bernie's wife didn't get to keep that $65 million that was HERS!! HERS, damnit!!!!
Kris I assumed you couldn't top this post - too good. Then I read your comment "I'm pretty good at pissing away money myself, but I could see where it might take a highly trained specialist to keep it up hour after hour." and laughed tea out of my nose. Ouch.
OMG! I am ROTFLMAO!!!! This was awesome. Great humor/satire and wonderful points.
Seriously, people, GO HERE: You'll love it.
Indeed, the corporate welfare being doled out by both parties will provide a free pass for statists who never give up on failed social programs that harm those they intend to help. Good news for the private and the "public" sector.

Bad news for the public.
East Indian finds this funny!
OMFG this is going in my favorites for sure..bwaaa haa!
"Nope - they revolt. Secede. Take other people's property and rename it as their own. Shoot a few folks if they get in the way. Which is how you get British colonies that become the United States of America. " Classic liberal self-loathing if I ever heard it. Don't worry though. At the rate that we are spending money we won't be a solvent country for much longer. What happens when countries go bankrupt?
Great post!

In this country we have socialism for corporations...mostly run by white men
A lovely piece and I as a fat cat white man have tried to push an idea through, just give me 100 billion dollars and I will travel through each state and spend 2 billion dollars in each state.

This will be known as Tinkonomics. Nothing based on race, religion, etc. Just pure wholesome greed!! :)

Our motto for the new program -- "Have you waved goodbye to your tax dollars today?"


Very funny. And I subscribe to two newspapers (pat me on the back) and will move to another planet if they ever stop publishing a daily. And I see that the tinkster has commented here. Just ignore him. Tinkonomics has failed throughout the universe and yet it just keeps showing up over and over. And he is a SNAKE too.
You have got to be kidding? No...I mean really kidding....

It is absolutely beyond the scope of reasonable thought (black or white) unless you are a racist, to read anything racial at all into the current run of “bailouts”.

This is another vile attempt to define “whites” as hypocrites and oppressors by someone who refuses to forgive and assimilate. You probably want Obama to consider reparations too....or are you one of those people who believe this is "pay back" time.

You are a sad testament to your race….the human one.
Darn it Grif, I was going to give you 2 billion dollars to build that Super Mall of Mars you have always dreamt about!!


I guess when a black president stops giving it to them.
Great humor you have here. It's the very rich, they want their cake and to eat it too. I have 2 newspapers delivered to my door every day and I can't stand the thought of having to give them up. Great post!
No truer words were spoken! I loved this post, Kris and thanks for putting the knuckledraggers in check! Rated
I'm still waiting for my Cadillac